Scary as hell TV characters, cheap Halloween costumes

thingamababy.com

As you know, another Halloween is just about here. If you’re planning on heading out to do some ‘treating of your own or maybe heading out to a costume party, if you haven’t figured out what you’re going to dress as yet, you might be stuck with a sack on your head, my friend.

Yeah, a sacked head might not be all that scary … well, unless you’re carrying it in a sack … but times are tough and costumes and props are damn pricey. So why not do away with any props — even a sack — and go as one of the shite-yourself, scariest characters from television who look like regular Joes? A few minor tweaks to your wardrobe and hair, and a room full of people who have some semblance of an imagination, and you’re golden.

Dexter Morgan (Dexter)

Showtime

Why he’s scary: This real “Bay Harbor Butcher” is a cool, calm and calculating serial killer. He’s got 30-40 kills under his belt. Before killing his victims, he slices their cheek with a scalpel in order to draw some blood, which he collects on a slide like a gruesome souvenir. Most victims are dismembered and dumped into the sea or fed to alligators.
The costume: Short-sleeved, button-down shirt. If you want to get fancy, Dexter sometimes covers his own face in plastic wrap (air-holes, people!). An added touch might be a box of doughnuts.

Vic Mackey (The Shield)

FX

Why he’s scary: First of all, big bald guys are fucking scary, and Vic Mackey is responsible. He’s another guy who, like Dexter, hides behind the walls of a police station, but he’s one deadly mother. Vic didn’t hesitate to put a bullet in the head of a fellow police officer in order to maintain his dirty-cop ways. Even without his badge, he has bad-ass influence on the street because, let’s face it, big bald guys are scary.
The costume: Simple: shave your head and bulk up. You can carry a toy badge and wear a leather jacket if you think it adds anything, but you’ll be big and bald, so nobody’s going to be looking for it. You could change your mind and say you’re Jason Hawes of Ghost Hunters — two costumes in one!

Theodore ‘T-Bag’ Bagwell (Prison Break)

Fox

Why he’s scary: T-Bag was in prison for rape and attempted murder, among other things. But what makes ol’ Teddy really frightening is his love for forcing young men into his own love slaves. He’s also had his own severed hand stitched back onto his stump by an unqualified veterinarian while completely awake, then let the limp limb sit dead on his wrist for weeks before putting it out of its misery.
The costume: Unkempt hair, a goatee, some blacked-out teeth and maybe a wife-beater. Throw a rubber surgical glove over one hand for some added realism. Also, talk like a really, really creepy child molester from the South.

The Devil (Reaper)

The CW

Why he’s scary: You did see that I said “The Devil,” right? It’s Satan! Y’know, evil lord of the underworld and all that? OK, I see you want specifics, so how about this: he can order your entrails to be pulled through your nostrils with fishhooks at the snap of his fingers, then have his hell hounds feed on them … for eternity. Oh, and he looks like one of those corporate types who just made away with all of your money, then escaped with a golden parachute. Aieee!
The costume: Dust off that old suit you whip out for the occasional wedding/funeral, polish your teeth to a pearly white and spend some time in a tanning booth.

Patty Hewes (Damages)

FX

Why she’s scary: A ruthless, female lawyer who’d just assume sweep the body of her best friend under a rug if it meant it’d help her win a case. And have you see this woman when she’s angry? Yow! There’s something about her that reminds me of that psycho bitch from Fatal Attraction too.
The costume: Blond hair, a woman’s business suit and sunglasses. Hell, you can get away with wearing a man’s suit in a pinch. If you’re a guy, you could tell your barber to give you the ‘David Spade’. If people still don’t have a clue who you are, whip out a boiling pot with a bunny in it.

Matthew Abaddon (Lost)

ABC

Why he’s scary: He’s got two things going for him already: he’s big and bald. He’s incredibly adept at being just downright creepy just by standing there and looking at you. He shows up seemingly everywhere on the planet and has that freaky smile that says, “this won’t hurt a bit” … and then it does. A lot. Also, he reminds me a lot of that creepy G-Man from Half-Life.
The costume: Once again, say goodbye to what hair you had left on your head. The good news is you can dress in either a suit or an insane asylum orderly’s outfit. For an added touch, be a very dark-skinned black man.

Sylar (Heroes)

ABC

Why he’s scary: He possesses the powers of multiple people from the Heroes universe and, at least most of the time, uses them all for pure evil. He also went about extracting these powers by calmly slicing off the tops of each victim’s skull and prodding around their brain for a bit. Also, his eyebrows can smother you.
The costume: Find someone who decided to dress as Vic Mackey or Matthew Abaddon, snag their hair clippings and glue them above your eyes.

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Clacked by Keith McDuffee
on Oct 29, 2008 @ 10:00 EST5EDT