Michael Noble’s back Guest-clacking for us again, after sharing his thoughts on last week’s Idol performances….
Last Wednesday’s Idol Elimination Show. A Three Ring Circus. Complete with clown acts. And impersonations. Don’t forget Ringmaster Seacrust and The Performing Judges. Plus animals. (Or animal likenesses, rather.) A pink bubbly piano. Marionettish performances amazing only in that you couldn’t see any of the strings from above being pulled as the performers puppeteered their ways through their acts.
Okay … let’s see if we can make sense of the circus show held over at FOX Wednesday evening, shall we?
To your left in Ring #1:
Kara DioGuardi gets heckled by the audience. And she appreciates it.
Matt Giraud is an impersonator. No … check that. Seems all the Idol-wannabees are impersonators. That little personal quip on some of the goings on within the Idol’s house — not to mention on stage with the prompting of Ryan Seacrest — was a nice little look into the contestants’ off-camera moments.
It appears Chef David – the Idol House Chef – could keel over at any time during a meal preparation.
Megan “Inky” Joy does a hideous imitation of a bird gone bird flu crazy.
Anoop Desai can dislocate his jaw while acting like Danny Gokey.
Are you with me so far? Good. ‘Cause there’s more to come.
To your right in Ring #2 please find:
A television audience (not to mention a live audience) being subjected to yet another lip-sync-fest ala Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing.” Seems we can collectively cast 36 million votes without a problem, but we can’t handle a live performance from The Remaining Nine. (Seriously, wasn’t half the fun of last season witnessing the beginning of the elimination show? We relished who was going to shine and flop during the group song. It was for me, anywho. Now we don’t even get that; we’re spoon-fed canned performances so replete with goofs and gaffs and blunders you have to be as blind as Scott MacIntyre not to notice. Come on Idol Powers That Be: Wasabi that? (And yet we’re tortured with a live … well, hold that thought. It’s coming …)
At least we got some intelligence out of The Cookster (David Cook) showing off his new single “Come Back To Me.” He was live at least. And David’s “little surprise” platinum (million copies sold) accomplishment … nice nod, that.
But, Ryan Seacrest — henceforth referred to as “Seacrust” — pulled some monkey business by “April Fooling” Matt into thinking he was in the Bottom Three. *sigh* You knew it was coming, but it was hokey.
And last, but not least, dead center in Ring #3, please welcome:
Lady Freakin’ Gaga. “Current Queen of the charts with her song ‘Poker Face,’” quoth Seacrust.
Are you serious? What kind of blather was that? This was the first time I’ve ever been subjected to one of her offerings. And it wasn’t pretty, let me tell you. Is there really a contingent of the buying public who downloads and listens to this muck? Amazing. And head-shakingly so.
Oh … she’s got stage presence. And choreography. And flailing limbs. And a bouncing bouffant. And legs up to “here.” And frantic violin strains from her sidekick. But lemmee tell you: The prolonged applause following her (practically unlistenable) “skit” was not only unwarranted, but it should have come sooner and shorter. Thankfully, we won’t see her on any future Idol episodes this season. *whew*
But, it comes down to The Bottom Three. That’s why we bought tickets for this show, right? It’s nice to see the grandeur of the elephants in the room and the pretty girls in their outfits leading them, but The Bottom Three is the main event! Bring it on!
And, when it came down to the payoff, Megan “Inky” Joy was not only frantic in her actions and responses, she was as confusing and unreadable in her swan song as was Lady Gag-gag. Wide-eyed. Over exaggerated. And her asking the others in her trio to “make sure you call me,” well … that was just a bit uncomfortable, wasn’t it?
The only thing genuine about the night was her shout out to her two year-old son that she was coming home. Those tears weren’t tears of a clown; they were the genuine thing coming on. Finally some authenticity in a night of fakery.
What a strange hour of television.
The Idol Elimination Show. A circus, indeed. And, if you tried real hard, you could almost smell the sickly sweet scent of cotton candy in the air. I’m surprised no one yanked out a bottle of seltzer water to complete the picture.
Next week: The Top Eight take on songs from the year they were born.
Maybe the circus isn’t leaving town just yet, folks. Stay tuned….