Diary of a True Blood virgin – Hey look, Lafayette’s alive! … I think

After finishing Season One of True Blood last week, I went to our actual review of the season finale from back in 2008. It’s interesting how many commenters assumed it was Lafayette’s corpse in the back of Andy’s car. Oh, silly 2008 viewers! I bet you think Tiger Woods is a class act, too.

2.1 “Nothing but the Blood”
“Oh my god. Is it that easy for you to kill? Does human life mean so little, you can just kill on command? Toss someone in the water? I can’t have people dyin’ every time I confide in you.” — Sookie

Oh, and I forgot to mention in the last episode how ridiculous the last shot was with the girls screaming like they’re about to be tied to the railroad tracks by a mustachioed fiend. Dear lord, was it over the top. Anyway, I figured it wasn’t Lafayette’s body, but I wasn’t expecting huge hole in the woman’s chest! I’m glad Sookie had the common sense to convince Tara to talk to the police before she made herself an even bigger suspect. After Jason botched up so much with the police last season, it would have been a major pain for Tara to make the same mistakes … she’s smarter than that!

Thank God Sookie is actually calling Bill out on his shit. Sure, she ended up sleeping with him after her apologized, but at least she stood up for herself and made it clear that keeping this stuff from her in the name of protecting her is not cool. Whether he takes this warning to heart later in the series is yet to be seen … although from what I’ve heard, I shouldn’t hold my breath. Speaking of her sleeping with him, this was the sexiest of the Bill/Sookie sex scenes so far.

I’m convinced Maryann is a witch trying to get Tara and Eggs to breed. Maybe Tara’s fake demon from last year was real, and Maryann wants to exploit that. When the butler offered the love birds towels during that romantic moment, I literally shouted out, “Cockblock!” I wasn’t expecting Maryann to smack him into next week for that exact faux pas.

I was shocked when they finally revealed where Lafayette was. Despite not particularly liking Eric, I didn’t think he’d have a real torture dungeon in the basement of his bar (a pseudo-torture dungeon maybe, but not one with a slave shit bucket). And the angry hick is dead … ding dong?

Oh, and Terry is a complete sweetheart, getting those cruel gossipers out of the restaurant. Arlene, snatch that guy up right now! Considering her last boyfriend secretly murdered women, Terry sniffing your hair is forgivable, right?

2.02 “Keep this Party Going”

“Look I’m already a person of poor moral character. So, I hit the ground running and I damn near glamor people already. Gimme what ya’ll got. Not only will I be a badass vampire, but I’d be your badass vampire.” — Lafayette

Really, who didn’t see things going to hell with Jessica? I still think Sookie had the right idea with Jessica … let’s face it, Bill is the biggest stick-in-the-mud on the show. He needs someone to tell him not to be a dick to his vampire prodigy. I find it pretty funny that Sookie makes the link between vampires and hormone-raging teenage girls, since certain shows and authors have been taking full advantage of that symbolism for the last few years. Anyway, I’m going to guess Bill won’t kill the family, just glamor them.

It’s far too entertaining to see Jason converse with other fairly stupid people. Jason pissed me off this season, but I like him better now that he is actually trying to better himself. Sure, he’s being manipulated by a group that wants to make him a poster boy for their cause (I’m guessing), but he’s turning to religion because he wants to change his life and find a more noble purpose. That’s something admirable. It’s too bad he didn’t find a religious group that isn’t so hate-crimey, but at least he’s trying. Also, “Jesus Asked me out Today” represents everything I hate about Christian Rock.

Whatever Maryann’s deal is, it obviously has something to do with power through sex. My boyfriend has firmly decided she’s a succubus, while I’m still betting it’s some kind of witch. Now that we know she goes all shakey when she’s forcing a shapeshifter to go into animal form, it makes me wonder just who that pig is.

Thank heavens Eric’s hair got cut. His first season hair made him look like a blonde Scott Stapp. As much as Lafayette’s situation has been horrifying to watch, I had to laugh at his exchange with Ginger. Man, that brain is full of mush. My big guess for next week? Lafayette is a vampire.

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Clacked by Katie Schenkel
on Jul 07, 2011 @ 10:00 EST5EDT