Mushrooms: Delicious and misunderstood

Lauren’s back Guest-clacking for us again, after last sharing with us her diatribe on the atrocity that is mayonnaise.

I wouldn’t want anyone to think from my last post that I am a picky eater. I am, but I don’t want you to think that because I hate mayonnaise. Indeed, there are foods out there that other people looooooooathe — like I loathe the dreaded mayonnaise — that I just love.

My love of the fungus took a long time to procure. One of my first memories is sitting in preschool, in a big circle, and our teacher asked us to tell the class what our favorite food was. To say I was painfully shy when I was a kid is like saying Waterworld was a little bit terrible — a vast understatement. I was nearing the point of hyperventilation by the time the circle got around to me, and the only word I could manage to spit out was “mushrooms.” I had never eaten them, never even seen them outside of that one (kinda racist) scene in Fantasia, never had the desire to eat them at all. Yeah, I don’t know.

Well, somehow word got back to my parents that mushrooms were my favorite food and instead of rolling their eyes and going on about their day since kids lie all the time about random crap, WE WENT TO THE GROCERY STORE TO BUY MUSHROOMS. OMGWTFNOOOOO. The rest of the day is pretty hazy for me, but I probably cried a lot. And it took me years to finally give ‘em a whirl.

You have to start small when it comes to new foods, so I think the mushrooms started in good ol’ Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom soup, probably in a casserole at a friend’s house. The trick is to not tell me what I’m eating until well after the fact. It worked out, because casseroles featuring cream of mushroom soup are delicious. From the casserole came soup, still cream of mushroom but in bread bowls at sandwich places.

Then my dad started making the Holy Grail of mushrooms: marinated portobellos on the grill. OH. MAH. GAH. It’s like steak. STEAK. But it’s a MUSHROOM. A giant, delicious mushroom with a texture like meat. I am not a vegetarian, nor have I ever entertained the idea, but man … if you said to me I could never eat steak again, but rather these delectable fungal steak substitutes instead, I would probably be less inclined to beat you upside the head.

While I get that the idea of eating a fungus is not so appealing to some people, those people just need to get over themselves. I have some good friends, some of whom are even vegetarian, who won’t eat mushrooms. And frankly, it makes-a no sense to me. There are so many different types of mushrooms to try! Spinach and porcini mushroom quiche? YUM. The portobello mushroom sandwich with spinach, goat cheese, and roasted red peppers at Caliente here in Richmond? DEAR GOD, YES PLEASE MORE OF THAT. Spinach, mushroom, and Vidalia onion pizza with feta? IN MAH BELLY! Mushrooms on salad, mushrooms in dips, mushrooms in lasagna, mushrooms atop a hamburger with onions! Truffles! More mushrooms! All the time! The flavor and the texture just meld together to form a perfect union, and their uses are plenty! Hooray!

Look, all I’m saying is that I gave mayonnaise a chance — over and over. And it did nothing but disappoint, enrage, and sicken me. But you mushrooms haters who have never had mushrooms because you can find them growing on a rotted out log? MISSING. OUT. So go on, give mushrooms a chance. You might be pleasantly surprised. Or maybe you’ll want to throw up. But at least you’ll know, and I’ll still think you’re wrong.

Clacked by Guest Clacker
on Aug 26, 2009 @ 10:00 EST5EDT