If you’re like me, then your Facebook feed has been flooded with opinions on A&E’s decision to suspend Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson after he made anti-gay remarks to GQ. Several people agreed, citing the need for tolerance; several people disagreed, saying that no one should be surprised that Robertson, an old school Southern Christian, believes homosexuality is a sin. These reactions don’t surprise me. The ones that baffle me though, are the ones that claim A&E doesn’t have the right to suspend him, that they’re trampling over Robertson’s right to free speech.

First, let’s get the obvious out of the way: The First Amendment states that “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech,” meaning that your speech can only constitutionally be infringed by the government — not by a basic cable channel. Second, Phil Robertson is a brand. The “Robertson Clan” is a brand. Duck Dynasty is a brand, and A&E is simply doing what any corporation would do: it’s protecting its brand.

This is evidenced in the wording of A&E’s statement about the suspension: “We are extremely disappointed to have read Phil Robertson’s comments in GQ, which are based on his own personal beliefs and are not reflected in the series Duck Dynasty.” What is A&E saying? That Phil Robertson the person is in no way reflected in Phil Robertson, patriarch of the Robertson Clan on the hit A&E show, Duck Dynasty. Phil Robertson the person can have beliefs. He can burp, fart, hate gays, believe in unicorns, or do whatever he wants — in private. However, the second a camera or a reporter is in the room with him, Phil Robertson the person disappears. He is Phil Robertson the brand.

“But he still lives in his original house! He hasn’t sold out like the rest of the family!” Robertson may not have given in to many of the trappings that his progeny enjoy, but make no mistake: he is just as involved as the rest. He accepts money to appear on the show. He says the scripted lines the producers give him. He participates in the sitcom-like antics that are Duck Dynasty‘s hallmark. He chopped down a Christmas tree with Miss Kay months before Christmas because A&E needed to film a special (which went on to garner over 9 million viewers). Phil Robertson’s face appears on body pillows, door mats, alarm clocks, basically anything you can think of. Walmart.com alone has over 20 pages of Duck Dynasty merchandise. There are a lot of paydays tied up in his folksy wisdom, and the cash cow needs to stay in his pen.

The fact of the matter is, what you say and do can affect your job. Don Yelton was fired from his job as North Carolina GOP Chair after making racist remarks on The Daily Show; Big Brother contestants left the show only to lose their real world jobs after making homophobic and racist comments during filming. Paula Deen, Don Imus; public figures often face firing and financial hardship after a scandal like this. A&E in particular is once bitten, twice shy after having to deal with advertisers pulling out after Dog the Bounty Hunter went on a racist rant in 2007.

Ming Chen, one of the stars of AMC’s Comic Book Men, is surprised that Robertson’s comments even got out. “When we give interviews for the show, we usually have a PR person who dials in and listens to the call,” Chen told us at CliqueClack. “GQ had to have gone through the network to talk to [Robertson], so I’m surprised it even got this far.” He says that reality stars are different from actors, because “who you see on the show is who we are. I’ll speak honestly [in interviews]; I speak from the heart.” While he says that his network has never given guidelines of what he and his fellow Comic Book Men can and can’t say, he does say that they’re “expected to use common sense.”

In a show that’s seemingly tightly controlled, it is odd that one of the Duck Dynasty stars was even able to go rogue like this; that no one was on hand during the interview to make sure Robertson exercised the common sense needed to protect the Robertson brand. After all, it’s not the remarks themselves that are surprising. As Chen said, and many people have echoed online, “That’s real. It’s what he really feels, so I don’t get why people are so shocked by the content.” However, the reality we see on Duck Dynasty is a carefully-constructed one.

A&E is intent on cultivating a genteel version of rednecks; a faith-focused, family-oriented group that gets into wacky misadventures in the swamps of Louisiana. The Robertsons are portrayed as a sitcom family; one-dimensional and happy. A&E doesn’t want its millions of viewers to look below the surface, to find the “real” in their reality. Their goal is to keep viewers entertained between toothpaste commercials, so when someone threatens that, he has to be dealt with.

It’s nothing personal Phil; it’s just business.

The Sons of Anarchy season 6 premiere had no shortage of horrors. Every terrible thing that happened in the first 85 minutes though, was quickly eclipsed by something even worse: a school shooting. With Sandy Hook still fresh in everyone’s mind, tackling a school shooting in a television series is a risky move. It’s so easy to look like you’re exploiting the events that ended many lives and ruined even more. However, as a long-time fan of Kurt Sutter‘s work, both on Sons of Anarchy and The Shield, I was confident that he was doing this for a reason; that instead of looking to cash in on a national tragedy, he was trying to make a very specific point.

In my review of the premiere, I talked about how such an event was likely to shake Jax and the club to the core and change both SAMCRO and Charming forever. Kurt Sutter himself seemed to confirm this in the latest edition of his YouTube show, WTFSutter. In it, he talks about the larger narrative and how naïve it is to think that there would be no repercussions from the club’s gun running.

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=p13WHCTq9zI

All of this combined is why I was expecting a very different episode from the one we got this week.

Instead of a town shaken to the core, the shooting is treated as a mild inconvenience. It’s mentioned in passing. “Hey, you know that kid who shot up that school…” as if they’re talking about some confused senior citizen who ran his car into a farmer’s market and smashed a bunch of melons. Jax, of course, immediately understands the implications of having one of the guns the club sold being used to carry out this unspeakable act, but instead of questioning himself and his club, instead of grieving for the children not much older than his own, he goes straight into survival mode.

The first thing he does is enlist Nero and his men to get the shooter’s mother out of Charming and up to the cabin and away from the police and reporters. Perhaps it’s naïve of me, but I don’t think Jax brought her up there to kill her. I really think he just wanted to have her hide out until the heat died down and they could figure out a plan. However, once she goes rogue and Nero shoots Arcadio, Jax feels as if she’s too much of a liability. So it falls to Juice to fulfill his “no questions asked” promise and kill her as well. Of course, what Jax doesn’t find out until afterward, is that she had two more children who are now without a mother, thanks to Jax’s self-preservation.

In the video, Sutter does say that the shooting leads to a bigger narrative arc that flows through the remaining episodes of the series. My hope as a fan is that Jax’s behavior in this episode is merely a delayed reaction; that the true weight of what he has done will come crashing down around him. Dead children have to have consequences beyond added attention from a retired U.S. Marshall. Having an event like this in a television series has to be a game-changer, or else, what was the point?

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Charlie Hunnam is hot. That fact is already in evidence. He’s also a talented and charismatic actor. So casting him as the lead in the film adaptation of one of the most popular book series of all time seems like a win for Charlie Hunnam fans, and by extension, humanity (especially since he’s bound to get naked). However, when I heard the news that Hunnam was cast as Christian Grey in the 50 Shades of Grey adaptation, I wasn’t pleased. In fact, My reaction was more on par with this:

Why wasn’t I pleased that one of my favorite actors from one of my favorite television shows got this huge break? Because even though Jax Teller, Hunnam’s character on Sons of Anarchy, is an adulturing, drug-running, arms-dealing murderer, he’s less dangerous as a character than Christian Grey. Grey’s crimes are more insidious, smaller: Emotional abuse. Taking away a woman’s autonomy. Physical abuse. But even though Grey isn’t murdering people in cold blood, the key difference is this: Teller’s actions aren’t excused. Grey’s actions are sold as romance.

Sons of Anarchy is a show about criminals making fucked up decisions that hurt people. They constantly pay for their actions, either with physical pain, emotional pain, or sometimes with their lives. What they do, while sometimes justified in the universe of the show, is never presented as a how-to guide to life. 50 Shades of Grey, on the other hand, is presented as just that: “Women, this is how your man should be.” Let me unequivocally state one thing:

Your man should not be like Christian Grey. If he is, get out of that relationship. Now.

Why? Because Christian Grey is a manipulative, abusive piece of shit. Now, before everyone gets all riled up about their favorite fictional sex god, I am not saying that Christian Grey is abusive because of his “Red Room of Pain,” or the fact that he is into BDSM. If two consenting adults enjoy getting tied up, whipped, spanked, or anything else, I say that’s great. In fact, whatever two consenting adults want to do in their bedroom (or kitchen, or dining room, as the case may be), is totally a-okay by me.

My problem with 50 Shades is that Ana, while technically an adult, doesn’t consent to a lot of what happens to her, and instead of BDSM being portrayed as sexy fun times, it is portrayed as an actual punishment for non-bedroom activities and something that only “broken” people are into. After they get married, how many times does Christian tell Ana, “You’re my wife, not my sub?” Dude. In a healthy BDSM relationship, she can be both! But instead, because he puts a ring on it, she is somehow elevated to a higher level? One in which he doesn’t have to beat her? Except he still does? Look, the whole thing is fucked, is my point.

Jenny Trout is an author of erotic fiction, among many other things. She spent a great deal of time on her blog excellently recapping the 50 Shades series and ripping it apart, piece by piece. Besides the fact that it’s Twilight fan fiction and written terribly, she often brings up the ways in which it glorifies domestic abuse and disguises it as romance. Most pointedly, she wrote a post titled, “50 Shades and Abusive Relationships,” in which she takes a list of “red flags” for abusive relationships and shows how all of them apply to Anastasia and Christian.

Personally, the part that sends me into a rage blackout comes in Chapter 3 of the final book in the trilogy, 50 Shades Freed. Ana and Christian are honeymooning in France. They’re on a nude beach, and Ana dares to take her top off, which infuriates Christian. Later that night, he covers her body in hickeys. Not as a natural byproduct of sex, but as a punishment. An act meant to temporarily disfigure her and ensure her modesty throughout the rest of their vacation.

“Look at me!” I pull down my camisole to reveal the top of my breasts. Christian gazes at me, his eyes not leaving my face, his expression wary and uncertain. He’s not used to seeing me this mad. Can’t he see what he’s done? Can’t he see how ridiculous he is? I want to shout at him, but I refrain – I don’t want to push him too far. Heaven knows what he’d do.

So they’re on their honeymoon, he covers her in hickeys, she’s furious, but she doesn’t want to “go too far,” because she’s afraid of him. Lord knows I’m not a relationship expert, but you guys, that doesn’t seem like a great start to a healthy marriage.

Jax Teller, on the other hand, is certainly more obviously violent. He beats the shit out of people on a regular basis, has done time in prison, orders murders, frames people for murders, and, you know, actually murders people. He is not a good dude. However, he doesn’t bother me nearly as much as Christian Grey. Why? Because Jax Teller is not being sold to the public as the romantic ideal.

Yes, many people who watch Sons of Anarchy want to bone Jax Teller. But come on, have you seen him? I direct you to this lovely image, sent to me by our own Katie Schenkel:

It’s oddly mesmerizing, right?

But while Jax is sometimes portrayed as sympathetic, he is never portrayed as someone women should actively seek out or mould their man into. We have just started season 6, and at no point, have I heard women saying, “Man, I wish my husband would be more like Jax. There’s simply not nearly enough gun running and cheating in our relationship. And our children haven’t been kidnapped even once!”

Jax is a fucked up character who is portrayed as just that. Christian is portrayed as a fucked up character who just needs a good woman to fix him … at the expense of her own health and well-being. As happy as I am that Hunnam got this huge opportunity, my only hope is that Kelly Marcel, who wrote the screenplay, does a better job of making this a fun, sexy, healthy story than E.L. James did. Because everyone needs the opportunity to see Charlie Hunnam naked without feeling guilty about it.

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Sons of Anarchy has never been a show that’s pulled any punches when it’s come to violence. Gun running, murder, IRA enemies, drugs — there has been no shortage of action and bloodshed over the first five seasons. The season premiere, however, sends the series down a completely different path, with a horrific act of violence that is sure to change both the makeup of Charming and SAMCRO forever.

It’s easy to ignore the beautiful little blond boy in an episode packed with Otto getting violently raped in prison, Tara brutally beating a fellow inmate, Lila getting tortured, Tig murdering a dirtbag and Jax cheating with a madame, but by the end of the episode, the boy clearly shows that ignoring him is a mistake.

With his blonde hair and omni-present notebook, it’s easy to see him as a stand-in for Jax as a child, or even Jax’s children in the future, reading the thoughts he so painstakingly records for them. The boy seems quiet, innocent and introspective.

At the end of an action-packed, violent episode, we are confronted with an act of violence so heinous, that it actually manages to top the preceding 90 minutes. We end the season premiere with the boy revealing that not only is he a deeply disturbed self-harmer, but his rage extends outward, causing him to perpetrate what looks like a truly horrific school shooting. How does a boy like this get a semi-automatic weapon, and what does this have to do with SAMCRO? I’m sure the second question will be answered fully over the next several episodes, but the first one is easy to answer: Arcadio (Dave Navarro).

Arcadio is one of Nero’s (Jimmy Smits) men. We don’t know much about him, but we do find out at the end of the episode that he’s involved with the boy’s mother. Due to his line of work, it was probably pretty easy for the boy to obtain the gun. This simple fact is sure to have devastating effects on SAMCRO. First, the club has further strengthened their business relationship with Nero by partnering up in the brothel business. Because the two groups have been so tight lately, and have joined each other on enforcement jobs, it’s entirely possible that the gun the boy used to shoot up the school originally came from the Sons. Obvious legal implications aside, this is going to have severe moral implications for Jax.

Jax probably thinks he’s doing right by the club by moving the business more over to the sex side from drugs and guns, but

So what does this mean for SAMCRO? They’re barely holding on as it is, members and now even their wives, can’t seem to stay out of jail, and now they’re destroying the very town they love above all else. With the threat of Clay’s betrayal looming over them, it seems like it’s just a matter of time before the other shoe drops and the club ceases to exist all together.

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Think of a time when you were happy. When you were relaxed, full of optimism for the future, and everything just felt right in the world. Hold on to that thought, because after you watch the Season 6 premiere of Sons of Anarchy, you’ll need to be able to access those pleasant memories in order for you to get through the day as a functioning adult. I don’t want to be hyperbolic here, but I wanted to simultaneously vomit and cry within the first five minutes.

And I mean that as a compliment.

Kurt Sutter and the other SOA writers do not mess around.

When we left season five, Jax had framed Clay for murder, Tara was on her way to jail on a similar charge, and Otto, well … Otto bit off his own tongue, so the “who’s having the shittiest day” competition was really too tough to call.

Season six opens not too far in the future, with everyone in basically the same position, and Jax trying to hold everything together. Leadership roles have changed in the MC, but the events of the last several months have taken a huge toll on the guys. Suspicion and distance have replaced the brotherhood that the Sons once prided themselves on. Bobby lost Clay, Juice is dealing with the guilt from the role he had in Clay’s arrest and seemingly impending murder (Damon Pope’s cronies are big on “eye for an eye” justice), and Tig’s already unstable mental state has taken a huge blow after his daughter’s horrific murder. Whether or not the club is even going to survive is a big question as we start the new season.

Donal Logue returns as Lee Toric, the retired US Marshal, hell-bent on getting justice for his sister, the nurse who Otto murdered. We quickly find out that just getting someone behind bars for the crime isn’t good enough, as Tara’s imprisonment does little to help him move on.

But just in case you were thinking it’s just the main cast of characters who are experiencing a constant stream of horrifying events, rest assured: Lila comes back, and not under the best of circumstances. Trying to make ends meet, she took a freelance job that went horribly wrong, and comes to the guys for help. This obviously ends with death and destruction, but also further intertwines Nero and the club’s financial interests in a way that is already guaranteed to bring about even more trouble for Jax.

However, there is somewhat of a bright light. Despite the chaos swirling around her, Gemma is still on top. She got rid of both Clay and Tara, so she’s free to regain control in Jax’s life, as well as pursue her relationship with Nero. Even though Gemma is exceptionally talented at getting what she wants, I have a feeling her happiness will be short-lived. After all, on Sons of Anarchy, no one is happy for long.

Case in point:

Sons of Anarchy Season 6 premieres September 10 at 10 PM EST on FX.

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=QI9VgOeg-aU

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I spent many hours of my life yelling at the FiOS people. Many, sad, frustrating, why-is-this-what-I’m-doing-with-my-life hours. Mysterious charges of several hundred dollars would appear, and no one I talked to would have any explanation. Some promised it was a mistake that would get taken off, some told me it was legitimate and I had to pay it — yet nobody knew what the charge was. It took months and finally bitching on Twitter before I was able to get some answers. But by that time I was done. Why was I paying $150 a month for the privilege of spending hours of my life talking to clueless and/or rude customer service agents who cared not one whit about customer service, AKA two-thirds of their job title?

Around this time, I bought an Apple TV. Now I had an easy way to watch Netflix on my television, instead of my laptop or iPad. Then Apple finally released the Hulu Plus app, and I came to a realization: 100% of everything I watch is on DVR anyway, so at the very earliest, I’m watching it a day after — sometimes a week after. Plus, Hulu Plus had the majority of the shows that I watched available the next day. And it was cheap! And I didn’t have to spend hours yelling at people! So after a few months of hemming and hawing, I cut the cord and ditched cable.

Immediately, I started saving about $100/month. My cable and internet bill was around $150. For just internet, I started paying around $35. Hulu Plus is $7.99/month. I already had my Netflix subscription, but I was paying about $15/month for that. Plus I had the one-time $90 cost of the Apple TV.

After that, I was watching Community, The Office, Grey’s Anatomy … just about every network show I watched I could easily get. Plus, I was able to discover more. I became a die-hard Scandal fan after catching up with Season 1 on Netflix right before Season 2 started airing on Hulu.

I’m certainly not alone in my frustration. I come across more and more people every day who have made the same switch, and contrary to popular belief, we’re not downloading shows illegally.

Of course, not all shows are available, and there are some I’m definitely missing out on. Walking Dead, for instance, has been sacrificed due to its lack of a presence on Hulu, and the fact that only the first two seasons are on Netflix. Same thing with How I Met Your Mother. I stopped at season 7, as that’s the last set of episodes Netflix has. However, I’ve also started watching shows that I didn’t watch when I had cable. In addition to the aforementioned Scandal, I just binge-watched the first two seasons of Revenge. I watched the first two seasons of Downton Abbey, and was able to watch the third via the PBS app that allowed me to stream the show from my iPad to my TV.

Last week, I injured my knee and went over to my sister’s house for a few days, as she has fewer stairs that I would have to navigate. She also has cable. I was briefly excited, thinking of everything I could catch up on that I missed during my self-imposed cable hiatus. I turned on the TV, flipped through the On Demand menu, and … nothing. There wasn’t a single show that I wanted to watch. Nothing that I missed that I desperately needed to catch up on, just nothing. In the end, I did end up watching Showtime and catching up on the first few episodes of Dexter. I’ll catch up on a few more next time I’m over there. And I still have absolutely no desire to re-subscribe to a cable service.

Have any of you made the switch away from cable? Is there anything you miss?

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I do not do music reviews. I listen to like, the same 40 songs on rotation always. However, I’ve been a fan of Kanye West since “College Dropout,” and went to one of his very first headlining shows. I’ve fallen off the Kanye West train over the past few albums, but decided to download “Yeezus” yesterday, after reading that musical genius Rick Rubin was involved (Side note: You should always buy anything that involves Rick Rubin, regardless of whether or not you like the artist or even the genre. The man is a national treasure and is responsible for some of the greatest albums of the past three decades).

Long story short: This album is insane. Mostly in a good way. I think. In any case, as soon as I started listening to it, I knew I had to write about it. So instead of a formal music review, here is a sentence or two about each track:

1. “On Sight”

First thought: Why is this angry robot rapping at me?

Second thought: This doesn’t sound like Connect 4-loving Kanye. This sounds like a guy who’s had a rough couple of years.

2. “Black Skinhead”

Remember before Angelina Jolie was Saint Angelina, and she was kind of grimy, and crazy, and maybe on heroin? This song sounds like something that would be playing in a club scene in one of her movies from the late 90s, when she’s all stumbling around with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth.

3. “I Am a God (feat. God)”

4. “New Slaves”

The problem with Kanye rapping about croissants is that people may not realize that the very next track is something he’s deadly serious about. There’s nothing funny about “New Slaves” at all. Kanye makes good points about the CCA and the fact that the US is still racist as hell– they’re just slightly nicer about it if you’re successful.

5. “Hold My Liquor”

I don’t often feel sorry for Kim Kardashian, but this is pretty obviously a song about Kanye’s ex-fiancee, Alexis Phifer. Granted, it’s not the most flattering song, but if I’m about to have a baby with a dude and he’s releasing tracks about getting drunk and going over to his ex’s house to fuck her in a completely self-destructive and dominating way, I would probably have a sadface.

6. “I’m In It”

Call me old-fashioned, but “Your titties: let ‘em out. They free at last./Thank God almighty they free at last,” just kind of bums me out. I prefer punny Kanye when he talks about grown up words: “Even though I went to college and dropped out of school quick,/ I always had a PHD: A ‘Pretty Huge Dick.'” Makes me laugh to this day.

7. “Blood on the Leaves”

8. “Guilt Trip”

Yeah, again. Probably not about her, but if I’m Kim Kardashian and I heard a track that started with “I need to call it off,” and the first verse ended with, “She lives her life, I’m living mine,” I may be slightly worried. Even if I’m not because I know my relationship is solid, it’s not exactly going to stop the tabloid rumors about Kanye basically abandoning her during her pregnancy. Kanye, you are making this shit REAL AWKWARD.

9. “Send it Up”

Kanye backed off of the cliff! We get a little bit of the fun-loving Kanye we used to know and are treated to an image of him getting a piggyback ride from his bodyguard a la Prince. I LOVE THINKING ABOUT THIS.

10. “Bound 2″

Oh! Kanye, you’re back! After the dark, robotic, emotional roller coaster of fame, self-destruction, and nihilism mixed with bombastic personal statements of the first nine tracks, we get “Bound 2,” and we remember that the fun Kanye from Chicago still exists somewhere deep inside. I missed him.

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I’m always baffled by the number of people who don’t listen to podcasts. With the ubiquity of iPods and smartphones, it’s never been easier to just download free entertainment and have it constantly with you. History, music, sports — there are thousands of podcasts about subjects I don’t give a shit about. Me? I pretty  much stick with the comedy.

My iTunes is filled with podcasts but there are only a handful that make it onto my iPhone in weekly rotation. This list isn’t a ranking; I love all of my comedy children. Some are roundtable discussions, some are interview-based, and one is even a quasi-gameshow. The one thing they have in common though is that they consistently entertain me, in some cases for years.

Now, in no particular order, here are my top comedy podcasts:

Smodcast (Kevin Smith, Scott Mosier)

Ricky Gervais’s comedy podcast was my first foray into podcasts, but Smodcast was the first one that I subscribed to on iTunes. I came in a few months into its run and quickly caught up from the beginning. It’s evolved a lot over its nearly six years: Early episodes feature Smith spinning elaborate yarns with Mosier mainly just listening and providing occasional feedback. Mosier quickly came into his own, however, and now serves as a robust co-host, bringing his own stories and jokes to the table. If you’re just jumping into Smodcast, or introducing it to a friend, it’s better to start with an early one (the Hellen Keller episode is a classic), to get your comedy bearings. If you start with a more recent episode, you may just walk away confused as to why you spent thirty minutes listening to Kevin Smith describe the plot of whatever movie he had just watched before taping. If you’re a fan of Smith’s movies, you’ll also get a bunch of behind-the-scenes info on his process, choices, and what actors he likes and who he’ll probably never work with again.

Nerdist (Chris Hardwick, Matt Mira, Jonah Ray)

I somehow learned about the Nerdist podcast via Twitter, right after it started. I’m still not sure how this happened, as I had no idea who Chris Hardwick was at the time, but I’m glad it did. Early episodes feature Hardwick’s comedian friends, including Thomas Lennon, Mike Birbiglia and Drew Carey. The interviews focus a lot on the process of comedy, so if you’re a stand-up nerd, you’ll love it. Interview episodes are now interspersed with “Hostful” episodes, which feature Hardwick and his co-hosts, Matt Mira and Jonah Ray, sitting around and shooting the shit sans guest. These episodes are mainly about what’s going on in their lives, but are just as fun and interesting as the interview episodes. As the podcast’s popularity has grown, so has the calibre of guests — Tom Hanks and Willem Dafoe are just a few of the big names that have appeared in recent months. However, the influx of more Hollywood guests has provided an unintended, yet hilarious, consequence of people who go on, having no idea what a podcast is, or who any of these guys are. Listening to established actors try to adopt to a new medium is a pretty good time in and of itself.

Doug Loves Movies (Doug Benson)

Comedian Doug Benson hosts this part roundtable discussion, part game show centered on movies. Guests are primarily composed of his comedian friends, with people like Sarah Silverman, Pete Holmes, and Paul F. Tompkins making frequent appearances. While each episode generally features a couple of games, the show is built around The Leonard Maltin Game. In The Leonard Maltin Game, contestants  bid on the number of cast members (from the bottom up) they need in order to guess a film’s title. It’s a pretty basic premise, but The Leonard Maltin Game manages to entertain week after week by featuring creative categories (“Keeping Up With the Kardashians,” for instance, is movies that feature three or more monsters), and either hilariously bad players (despite having made several appearances, Silverman still generally has no idea what’s going on), or freakishly good ones (Adam Scott, Jon Hamm and Samm “The Ma’am” Levine are some of the consistently best players). Leonard Maltin himself even shows up now and again to play his namesake game.

*Full disclosure: I was recently kind of on an episode of Doug Loves Movies, but Doug fucked up the recording, so it never ended up airing.

WTF (Marc Maron)

If Oprah were an angry, Jewish male comedian, this is the podcast she would have. Marc Maron has been on the scene for years, and as a result, is friends and/or enemies with basically everybody in comedy. This interview podcast is often funny, but really delves deeply into comedians’ processes and often their psyches.

If Maron has known the guest for a while, expect the interview to start off with some variation of, “I really used to think you were a dick; but I like you now.” Plus, his ten minute rambling intros to each interview are really an art unto themselves. WTF is sometimes funny, sometimes sad, but never boring.

Girl on Guy (Aisha Tyler)

The style of Girl on Guy is similar in style to WTF, but with fewer reconciliations. Most people know Aisha Tyler as an actress, or more specifically, as the only black person in the Friends version of New York City. If you’re home during the day, you may know her as one of the co-hosts of The Talk. She’s also a stand-up and a huge gamer, so she usually ends up touching on most of those topics with her guests. In an episode with your imaginary husband Nathan Fillion, the pair reminisces about hanging out in super-secret L.A. gaming rooms and just playing for hours. Tyler’s also a major foodie, so she’s more than able to hold her own with guests like Anthony Bourdain (although my favorite part of that particular episode is when she spends a good fifteen minutes trying to convince a very confused Bordain why Rocky Balboa is an excellent movie). The wide range of topics discussed is what sets apart Girl on Guy from some of the other interview-style podcasts hosted by comedians. This is the podcast I’ve been listening to for the shortest period of time, but I’ve already come away having learned a few new things.

Tell ‘Em Steve Dave (Bryan Johnson, Walter Flanagan, Brian Quinn)

TESD holds a special place in my heart, as I’ve been a listener since day one. The second podcast on the Smodcast Network, the first couple of episodes feature Bryan Johnson and Walt Flanagan, with Brian Quinn only appearing as a silent sound board monitor. Though it’s been years since I’ve listened to those first shows, I remember them as being mainly composed of Bryan wondering what the point of doing anything is, and Walt wondering why the hell he’s on a podcast in the first place, but agreeing to it because he seems to be at least semi-convinced that it’s the only thing keeping his friend from killing himself. The guys quickly find a rhythm though, and the addition of Quinn to a speaking part brings a new energy to the show. Over the years, listeners have enjoyed trips to the flea market, rants about gizmos and gadgets, feuds, and a host of games created by Walt, including the masterpiece that is “One True Three.” Walt and Bryan can also be seen on AMC’s Comic Book Men along with frequent TESD 4th chair Ming Chen, while Quinn can be seen on Tru TV’s Impractical Jokers. Despite their newfound reality stardom, the heart of TESD has blessedly remained unchanged. Although the show seems on the verge of collapse nearly every week, this seems to be an excellent harbinger of its true staying power.

A special extra shout-out goes to the Tell Em Steve Dave 2012 Christmas Special. This bonus episode is over two hours and exemplifies just how far the show has come. The guys (plus Ming and Sunday Jeff) are firing on all cylinders. Between the Christmas carols and the best game of One True Three that’s ever happened, The Christmas pod is well worth the $4.99 minimum cost. While TESD has had many charity fundraisers over the years, the proceeds from this podcast are going to Walt and Mike Zapcic (Comic Book Men), who both suffered extensive damage to their homes during Hurricane Sandy. It’s hard to convince anyone to pay for a podcast, but it’s impossible to buy this one and be disappointed.

*Full Disclosure: I was recently on an episode of TESD. It probably ruined my life, but the guys are all sweethearts.

This list barely scratches the surface of what’s great in comedy podcasts and omits some big ones. What are some of your favorites? Feel free to leave your own list in the comments!

I’ve been looking forward to Flight since I first saw the trailer months ago. The plot immediately hooked me: “What if Captain Sully was drunk when he landed that plane?” Because, let’s be real: the inspiration for Flight clearly came from Captain Sully’s infamous and heroic 2009 landing of an American Airlines plane in the Hudson River. From the folksy name, “Whip Whitaker” to the eerily matter-of-fact black box recording, Whitaker is an alternate version of Sullenberger. However, while Sullenberger proved to be squeaky clean and was able to weather the media storm while remaining a hero, Whitaker does not. This is a compelling story and as a whole, Flight works. However, I couldn’t help but imagine how amazing it would be in someone else’s hands.

As Ivey mentioned in his review of Flight, the film turns out to be a study in addiction. Denzel Washington gives one of the best performances of his career, further cementing his status as one of those rare actors about whom that statement can be sincerely made after nearly all of his films. The audience hates Whip, then they love him. Sympathy, revulsion, pity; Washington expertly leads us down all of these paths. He’s also bolstered by an incredible supporting cast that includes such heavy-hitters as Don Cheadle, John Goodman, Melissa Leo, and relative newcomer (at least to American audiences), Kelly Reilly. Killer story, fantastic acting, and tension that was positively palpable at times. Flight has all of the ingredients for an amazing movie, but I spent so much of it rolling my eyes so hard I thought they were going to pop out of my skull.

Zemeckis quickly pushes us right off that cliff with a scene of Nicole doing heroin that is only slightly less ridiculous than Jessie Spano’s bout with pills on Saved By the Bell.The scene not only features photos of her cancer mom, and camera work that goes, “Cancer mom. Needle. Cancer mom. Vein. Cancer mom,” but is actually set to “Under the Bridge,” the Red Hot Chili Peppers song that is literally about doing heroin.

Dear God, WE GET IT.

It was at about this point that I started wondering what Flight would look like if someone like Ryan Fleck, who co-wrote and directed Half Nelson, were in charge.

Half Nelson is spare and quiet; the opposite of the lush, larger-than-life Flight. Where Denzel Washington’s most powerful moments are all but drowned out by music cues (This one means that he is redeeming himself!!!!), Ryan Gosling faced no such fight in Half Nelson. The film is quiet and the camera stays on him in such an intimate way that the audience feels as though they are struggling with him. They can feel the hope; the lies; and ultimately the disappointment. With Flight, I just felt like I had to fight through everything to get to what mattered.

Zemeckis hasn’t done a live-action movie since 2000’s Cast Away. Since then, he’s been focusing on dead-eyed cartoons like Polar Express, so it makes sense that he’s forgotten what to do with living, breathing, flesh-and-bones actors. A heart-warming animated tale about a child rediscovering the joys of Christmas demands a different touch. Unfortunately, the feel is ultimately the same. When you have Denzel Washington, your job should be easy. You set up the camera and you walk away. When you return, there will be magic. Instead, Flight proves that bigger does not always equal better. Maybe one day, someone can come along and remake it with a more gentle touch.

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