I want to talk about one character in particular featured on last Sunday’s The Walking Dead. Someone I don’t like in the least:

Bob Stookey.

I don’t like Bob. There’s something about him, maybe it’s something that hasn’t been revealed yet. I can’t put my finger on it; it’s just a gut feeling. Maybe it’s a character flaw or a quirk or kink. But it’s definitely something intuitively unsettling that continues to linger.

I haven’t liked Bob from the beginning. In the season 4 opener, I didn’t like his fishing for some project to keep him occupied at the prison, practically begging for meaningfulness in order to earn his keep. The fact he’s a closet alcoholic is problematic. As it is, his alcoholism got him in trouble in that Big Box store … remember? (Well … sort of. It almost got him toasted. And not in the way he would have liked. Not to mention his back story revelation during the last episode where we caught him quaffing freakin’ Nyquil — or its equivalent — in order to get high!) Since his introduction on the show he’s seemed not only out of sorts (that’s the lack of alcohol playing tricks with him) but a bit “off,” too.

I’ve read the comic and I know what happened with and to the character therein. The differences in the comic book character and the show character are vast. To wit, Bob wasn’t even around at this point in the comic — he died. There was nothing redeeming about him in the comic. He was story filler, nothing more. That was the comic, not the television series.

But in this last episode (the aptly titled “Alone”) the writers decided to infuse him with intelligence and sympathy and understanding and charm so you gravitated to him like a moth to flame. Post fog walker attack on Bob and Maggie and Sasha, Bob smiled at Sasha during one point and joked with her about getting bit by a walker: “It’s okay … he got me right on the bandage.” And then? He smiled at her, big as the sky, after she hugged him. And I’ll admit: I caught myself (possibly) beginning to sympathize and finally care (Really?) about Bob.

This writers’ tactic (I’m referring to it as “Bobification”) continued throughout the better part of the hour. Each time he engaged Sasha. In his glimmers of decency and understanding. In his urging Sasha to continue on after Maggie left them. And, finally, when he was reunited with the two women once again on the railroad tracks at the end of the episode.

This realization of empathy hit me at the conclusion of Sunday’s broadcast. But that’s not where it started.

It started right from the get go, as soon as the show began. It was the wordlessness of the several scenes and situations we found Bob in. That’s where it creeped into my mind. And it did so unknowingly. I was too engaged in the episode. Unwitting compassion sneakily began intruding within me. It left a little mark on my mind and caused me to take notice and start to emote. But it wasn’t until the end of the program I figured it out.

At the end, that’s where the “ah HA!” moment flicked on the imaginary light bulb above my head. My Achilles’ heel, one of my huge weaknesses! It was the music … that music!

Everyone knows I’m a sucker for a good tune. And especially so with evocative placement in a program. That intro with Bob aimlessly and shiftlessly shuffling from scene to scene — often without purpose … lost … dazed and confused — it pulled you in. It pulled me in. The tune playing was haunting, it beckoned you to come on in and see what this forlorn man might be all about, why his eyes looked so lost inside themselves. The music wafted around you and gently tugged, urging you to find out why.

I slammed that door shut as soon as I realized this: No song, I don’t care what it is, is going to make me like or appreciate Bob Stookey. I’m not that gullible …

Days later, I heard the song again out of nowhere. I instantly recognized it as the tune which opened and closed “Alone” Sunday night. But this time there was something more to it, a touch of familiarity … and not just from the fact it was featured prominently in The Walking Dead.

I researched it quickly … and was surprised by my findings: The song was one written specifically with The Walking Dead in mind. And by none other than season 9 American Idol winner Lee DeWyze. And dammit if it wasn’t one crackerjack of a tune. More so, one which effectively dramatized Bob Stookey’s presence and back story in “Alone.”

Compelling, powerful, impressive stuff.

And, while my dislike and above-voiced proclivities toward the character remain (despite the writers’ and DeWyze’ best efforts) I have to give The Walking Dead a tip of my hat for the attempt to get me on board Bob Stookey’s train.

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Hokay … so maybe it’s not exactly a “love/hate” relationship I have with Harry Connick, Jr.

To be more precise, it’s more an “annoy/enjoy” sort of thing. Because there are plenty of instances when the guy is dead on when he critiques some of the American Idol contestants.

And then, moving around to various performers, he might do a complete about-face — sometimes he gets too technical to the point a review can go over a contestant’s head. Other times he’s exactingly critical and it appears he out-and-out hates a performance. Still other times, he regresses into the usual judges’ go-to M.O. of kowtowing … because there isn’t anything really to say about what was just played out by an Idol on the stage.

And here’s the thing: I get all three modes of feedback. But in the first two instances:

When He’s Too Technical: Harry should be talking to them in specifics when a glazed look comes over a performer’s face. They’re not “getting” it. The information he’s imparting just isn’t comprehended. You know that saying “You can’t fix dumb?” This isn’t that but in the same vein you can’t hand somebody something meant to assist them if they have no point of reference. Right? Right. Remember: Many of these kids are kids, they’re not seasoned. (Case in point: Alex Preston will understand the technical stuff out of the sheer abundance and familiarity he has with the bevy of instruments he manages. MK Nobilette probably will not.)

When He’s Pointedly Critical: Nothing wrong with being pointed with regard to what an Idol-wannabee puts out an act. But such assessment would be better served if, again, it was given a point of reference. Tell him/her how to infuse that criticism into future performances in a manner which might benefit him/her positively. Explain it in such a way it doesn’t just hang there in the air with no purpose other than to appear as a put down. As an Idol observers, don’t you believe a contestant would better receive such pointed critique and might better adapt with such instruction? I do.

Here’s another thing: Want to know what I really hate about the judges this season? They’re wimping out when it comes to hitting the contestants where it hurts. Crappy performances result in a judgments which oft-times ring out with some innocuous comment about how good they look that evening. Or one of those “You know what I really like about you?” lead-ins resulting in follow-up blather. Or some other throw-away quip on how they “like the energy of a performance.” (Don’t misunderstand me: This is something that’s been going on for a long, long time, way before the current line up of Urban, JLo and HCJ graced your flat screens.)

Where’s the harm in socking it to them? Tell’em their performance was as bad as a wrong turn away from an appointed destination. Then follow it up with an explanation on why that can’t or shouldn’t happen in future outings. That would be refreshing … and more honest than “those shoes are so cute with that outfit!”

The truth hurts sometimes. But, as I’m apt to repeat: “You learn from your mistakes not from your successes.” Right? Right. Additionally for kids who simply don’t know any better, there has to be definitive direction, a solid game plan put in place for them to shoot for. Judge them that way.

Don’t get me wrong: I love HCJ as a performer and (a lot of times) as a judge on American Idol. But the corny comments he makes either at the expense of or in camaraderie with Keith Urban can get tedious … and it has time and again. But, overall, he’s (mostly) been a breath of fresh air on the show.

One last thing a lot of you may have noticed that I’d like to call out here (my “a little bit of jaw drop” moment during last Thursday’s telecast): Remember Harry calling out about what he would do if he were a mentor on the show?

“I was not hired as a mentor. I am envious of Randy (Jackson). If I were a mentor … guys? I would be at the hotel ’til 5:00 o’clock in the morning working with you. I would give everything to that …”

How did you read that comment as HCJ talked to all the contestants at the start of the elimination show? Because I read it as a direct slap to the puss of Randy Jackson. Granted … Jackson is pointless as a mentor. The kids might look up to him, but there was immensely more direction given by his predecessor Jimmy Iovine in the couple of years he held the mentor position. So the mentoring “doled out” by Jackson isn’t worth much. And Harry called Randy out on that fact. That was a kick and a half.

Additionally, a few other statements included:

“I think you’re all incredibly talented … I think this is the best group of talent since the first season (and) I’ve watched every year …”

I call horse puckey. Did he really dismiss Idol seasons 2 through 12 and their groups of talent? It could be summed up that way. I took it as exactly that, though I know he didn’t precisely intend it as such.

The female contingent this season? There’s not a single girl who is tripping my trigger. With the exception of Sam Woolf (who needs to be dismissed soon), there is no female contestant who can stand toe to toe with any of the males. (Several girls can out perform him without problem.) But this season is an all guy shindig. My point? It’s a year where I’m completely at odds with HCJ’s statement above, that “this is the best group of talent since the first season.” No … it is not. It’s not the best group since Season One, not as a whole.

And not by a long shot. Want proof? Two elimination shows thus far without a single guy being included in either of those airings’ Bottom Three contestants. Enough said.

Yeah … I’m glad Harry is in the mix. But he annoys me week in and week out more than I enjoy him so far …

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(Not So Much Of A) News Flash: Whether the American Idol faithful want to hear it or not (and many do not) the show, right now, IS about the judges.

Let’s face facts: After the debacles aplenty the powerhouse duo Nicki Minaj/Mariah Carey foisted on us last season, there’s a lot of damage control that needs to be attended to by the current panel.

(Wait … wait … wait … did I really just toss a “powerhouse” reference in there with regard to Mariah Carey?!? I’m sorry. She might be a powerhouse on the music scene, but she was anything but that during her Idol stint. What I meant to state was that she rode the coattail wave of lunacy Minaj forged. There. All better.)

You know the tales of Minaj and Carey, the complaints up the wazoo about them. Their antics turned viewers off. They took away from the focus of the show which should always be on the contestants. Season 12 was often a circus freakshow. And that’s precisely why the season 13 trio of officiants are being scrutinized so closely.

Or, rather, I should state that’s why all eyes are on Harry Connick, Jr. That shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone. To many the dude is easy on the eyes (so I’ve been told), has an engaging personality and is mixing things up with not only some pretty pointed critiquing but with (sometimes) razor-sharp wit and sarcasm. So, great … he’s “all that” right now.

As it was, the person I was watching Idol with couldn’t stop gushing over how much the man was loved, how refreshing he was, how he makes Idol “watchable” again. I’m not in this person’s camp in the least — I’ve been familiar with Connick’s career, both musically and on screen, since the beginning. I own all his albums and have enjoyed (and continue to enjoy) listening to his body of work. 20 is the first album I purchased of his (and it continues to be one of my favorites) and I was surprised by his take in the film Copycat with Sigourney Weaver. (He was out and out chilling as Daryll Lee Cullum.) Additionally, I’ve seen him in concert and he puts on a damned fine show.

But … he’s not the savior the show needs. He’s just a piece of the puzzle in the grand scheme of things. Granted, his presence fills a nice chunk of that puzzle but, given the steady decline of Idol viewership over the years, there are quite a number of things beside the judging panel in need of a makeover.

So let’s enjoy Connick for the contributions he’s making currently. For me, I already have my cynicism gage at half staff when it comes to hearing him jabber and joke … and we’ve only just passed the second episode of the season.

But that’s okay. While he may be “all that” to some folks, he isn’t to me. It’s not that I exhibit any ADD tendencies when it comes seeing or hearing him on the show, but I’d rather he be on a short leash when it comes to what I’ve seen thus far. I’m well aware, however, the shortening of that leash may be a long time in coming …

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In the middle of dinner the other night the subject of television came up. One of my dinnermates commented: “I was subject to a program called Extreme Cheapskates or some such the other day. You wouldn’t believe the things the people on that show do to save a penny …”

Another stated: “Award season is coming quickly, you know …”

“… as are the Olympics …” said a third.

“Hey … isn’t American Idol starting soon?” one of them asked.

“Yup, yup. Next week as a matter’n fact …” I chimed in.

Someone coughed and spoke in turn: “There are too many damned song and dance shows on the boob tube. Especially those singing competitions. I can’t keep track of them and really don’t care to. I don’t know why in the world you watch Idol, Michael …”

“Here … I’ll show you why.” I wiped my mouth, sat back and pointed a finger at the person sitting directly across from me: “I happen to know you watch Idol. That being said, I’m willing to bet dollars to donuts you can name five American Idol winners without even thinking about it. And you …” I shot my finger 30 degrees to my left to my friend who questioned my viewership of the show “… I’d be willing to bet you can do same … and you don’t even watch Idol …”

The first person shot out the names Carrie Underwood, Kelly Clarkson, Scott McCreary, Phillip Phillips and Clay Aiken out her mouth in rapid-fire succession without even blinking.

“Close enough,” I said approvingly. “Clay didn’t win, he was a runner-up … but he made a career for himself anywho …”

I looked to my left.

“Well … there’s that big dude on America’s Biggest Weight Loser thing … Bubba Smith? No, wait … Ruben Stewart …”

“Studdard,” I corrected.

“… and the Soul Patrol guy … Taylor Swift …”

“Taylor Hicks,” I corrected again.

” … hmmmmm … Oh, that Fantasialand chick who starred on Broadway …”

“Yes … Fantasia. Congratulations, folks. You’ve just made me a happy camper. Now … to further prove my point, name any winner on any other singing competition such as The X Factor or The Voice …”

Dead. Silence. For an entire minute.

“And there you go. That, right there, is one of the many reasons I watch American Idol …”

Yes folks, everyone’s favorite whipping boy (… I mean … “reality singing competition”) American Idol is coming round for its “lucky” 13th season, complete with a new dynamic (well … kinda) a revamped line up behind the judge’s table (again, kinda), a new mentor (not so much) and enough drama (in other words: same old same old) to keep things lively right into the May sweeps.

Definitive format changes are in the cards (less audition ear strain and clipped inanity, for examples) courtesy of the all-producers of Idol (one of which, David Hill, who has run Fox’s sports wing for a couple generations) as are some tightening of the sails on how the auditions and more come across to the viewing public. All this as a direct result of declining ratings over the years … not to mention the circus atmosphere Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey contributed last year which often overshadowed the contestants.

In case you haven’t heard, the judges for this season are basically the same … but they’re not. Keith Urban — well received from last year’s stint — returns. Jennifer Lopez makes an encore appearance after taking last year off … and thank heaven she’s back instead of flamboyant, clownish Minaj or the listless, life-draining Carey. (I can’t say I’m doing back flips over JLo’s return, but she beats those other two by miles when it comes to critiquing. And I’ve learned to tolerate her. Mostly. As long as she curbs her use of “amazing” …) And new judge Harry Connick, Jr. (with his faithful following and respectable career) makes his debut as an Idol judge for the first time. (Many of us have been commenting for years he should join the ranks of the judging staff. And this year? It’s become a reality.) And former judge and Idol stalwart Randy Jackson? He’s now mentor to the hopefuls, replacing Jimmy Iovine. (I think everyone is going to miss Jimmy …) Lastly, my little buddy Ryan Seacrest (who I fondly refer to as “Seacrust”) will return as host (and sometimes straight man). I can always (yes … I used “always”) rely on Dave Clark’s protege to bring some unexpected monkey business to the show as he’s done in past seasons … sometimes on purpose, sometimes inadvertently.

But, if you think Idol has lost its momentum, you’ve obviously not been keeping score with the show of late. Just last year we had what was far and away one of the best Idol auditions ever. Additionally, I thought Phillip Phillip’s audition was intriguing. (It was. Really.) And the American Idol faithful — myself included — are more than curious how the producers’ cleaned up ship and various changes will maneuver through the rough waters of audition hopefuldom. A lot to look forward to, don’t you think?

Meanwhile, I have a question for you before we get to the the two-night premiere this week: Have you come up with even one name of any winner from The Voice or The X Factor?

No … I didn’t think so …

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I wasn’t expecting to discuss anything post-season where American Idol was concerned. But I have people watching my back here on CliqueClack. (Lord knows someone needs to monitor my activities … uhm … I mean … watch my back.) This particular rant post comes courtesy of my CC buddy Chuck Duncan. You can thank him for instigating what you’re reading. Please send your cards, letters and otherwise to: Chuck Wash, c/o CliqueClack.

Think about it a minute: There was a lot going on even before the start of Idol’s latest season got underway. (Judge in-fighting, format changes, talk of doing away with mentors.) So why would I think anything different post season finale? Of course the drama continues. And, for a change of pace, it doesn’t involve sniping cat fighting between Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey. (Surprise!)

The Current Big News? Idol season 3 alum and success story Jennifer Hudson will be sitting behind the judges’ table next season. Additionally, the two other spots (there will only be three judges on the upcoming season, not four) are for season 1 winner (and success story in her own right) Kelly Clarkson and one of two past contestants, Adam Lambert or Clay Aiken.

My immediate reaction on hearing this? *ugh* … with an appropriate lower case “u” in the interjection.

I’ll admit: After all the hoopla of prestige/celebrity/”musically proficient” judges, ad nauseam, I understand going forward why Idol wants to get back to basics when it comes to those who critique the show’s contestants. And, honestly, the first folks who came to my mind past contestant-wise included Jennifer Hudson (Grammy Award-winner and more), Kelly Clarkson (multi award winner) along with the most lauded Idol contestant of them all Carrie Underwood who has more than a bevy of awards under her belt. Why them? Easy. They’re all success stories who came out of the tutelage of American Idol. Who better to put at those spots?

But are they really fit to sit in judgment? As successes — and at first glance — they certainly appear to be. They’ve made their industry bones and it would seem they’re qualified to hold the positions. But I’m not buying what Idol is selling, that they’re not only (possibly) the best folks for the job but will bring back some of the attractiveness and likability to the aging program.

Each of the names above came onto Idol dry and with relatively little musical history behind them. They were wide-eyed with hope. When their stints were over on the show, they either won the coveted prize or they got recruited, each one receiving representation, coaching and schooling in the industry. The rest is history: Music up the wazoo (recording, writing, concerts and more), film, television, celebrity, et cetera. And that leads right up to the The $10,000 Question: Does any of that really qualify them to assess incoming talent?

No. Here’s why:

Each of those Idol alumni have their own set of rules and standards and experiences to glean from musically. They have blinders on, focused to their unique viewpoints only. They do not have the benefit of a producer’s perspective — such as a Jimmy Iovine, for example — to pass on the type of experience that would look beyond their personal perspectives. That’s only natural. Overall, they will gravitate to what they know first-hand in critiquing contestants, possibly coaching or offering advice to individuals not on what would be best, but on what they see based on their past experiences as performers and where it’s led them.

Granted: At times Randy Jackson (annoying as his critiques were on occasion) offered some good advice and even peppered his commentary with blistering vitriol. Additionally, he made goofball boners and mistakes when it came to sharing his thoughts after a contestant’s performance … proving no one is going to be “on” all the time. But … I’m willing to lend tons more weight to the knowledge of someone like a Jackson — or an Iovine — than I would to either a Lambert or an Aiken whose ulterior views as a performer could come into play. That being said, I dug Harry Connick, Jr.’s take on how he thought a particular aspirant should approach a performance, but he clearly made judgment calls based on his point of view based on his experiences. And let’s not forget: Harry submitted to verbal blows with Jackson where some of the contenders were concerned when he appeared last season. Even he wasn’t immune to his personal experiences, relying on what his stage history said would work (and what wouldn’t) based his individual perspective … as a performer.

Yeah … I’m being hyper-critical. I can do that as someone who loves music, as someone who has watched Idol inside and out for the majority of its history (in good times and not-so-good times) and as someone who is more than comfortable pushing his opinion around. (Not to mention someone who correctly predicted the pecking order of the past season’s final seven contestants. *pow*)

As we see the fruits of this new Idol strategy unfolds on the small screen, will it be yet another train wreck in a history of past flubs? Or will it be a stroke of genius in finding a winning recipe to staunch the bleeding of the aging show’s ratings and popularity?

Stay tuned: January will be here before you know it. The proof will be in the pudding.

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Things have definitely been lively on American Idol of late.

In a season filled with uncertainty, it’s the one thing that has been indisputably certain.

But … for all the wrong reasons.

Unneeded drama has overseen the mission statement of the show this year. Want proof? Here are a few examples … and from just the last 10 days or so: American Idol to Axe All Judges. Randy Jackson Is Leaving American Idol. How American Idol lost the magic this year.  An off-tune American Idol strategy of making hit show about judges instead of contestants has viewers tuning out. That last report by David Hinckley of New York Daily News strikes home, something the fans of the show have been decrying for the last few years. And it’s something I’ve touched on time and again in my posts here.

I mean … all you need to do is take a look at the photo below and ask yourself a simple question:

Does this group look like a quartet of happy campers?

Despite all the drama, despite Idol seeming to have lost its way over the last couple years with the revolving door of judges, despite the hoo-ha and raised hackles Carey and Minaj have displayed (and continue to display), regardless of the rumors about the show getting a major overhaul during the off-season, in spite of the tired themes we’ve seen played out yet again over the past weeks, I’m still invested in this season to its conclusion; I’ve been invested in it for years.

Why? Because a lot of good stuff has come out of it since its inception, not the least of which is the fact we’ve gotten some pretty entertaining performances from its hopefuls. Not to mention #1 albums. Hit songs. And Grammys. Broadway performances. Let’s not forget about that Academy Award. Ad infinitude.

And, as a music lover, I love all that stuff. That’s what I tune in to see, the start of the process and, later, its culmination … however that might manifest itself. I don’t watch it for the spectacle. If you read what I’ve written previously about the show it may seem otherwise. But the spectacle is rather difficult to avoid. (It’s difficult NOT to comment on as well.) Nature of the beast.

Besides, I have an active, personal bet going which started when I called out Lazaro Arbos’ exit (easiest prediction ever at that time). And that bet has continued successfully right on through the Top 5 and into our current state of affairs with Kree Harrison’s and Candice Glover’s upcoming final competitive performances.

For me, the bottom line this season is the finale and seeing Candice take the prize. She is the better of the two remaining contestants, after all. But I have a soft spot for Kree as she’s been my favorite all along, something that goes back way before I got acquainted with her family history and her parents’ passings. And because of her history, I wouldn’t count out all the sympathy play that could conceivably translate into votes. That’s not what I want, but we’ve seen it happen in the past and it could very well hold water in the end. In that event, I’d be a bit surprised but pleased nonetheless for her to come out on top.

So here we go, limping toward the finish line of a final AI chapter we haven’t ever experienced before. For some of us, it will be a welcome relief. For others an exasperated sigh and head shake. For still more it will be the perfect place to end the relationship with the show knowing a gal finally wins the title after a half a decade reign of Y chromosomes.

I’ll be watching the penultimate episode. Enthusiastically.

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For the last couple weeks, we’ve known the season 12 winner of American Idol is female. (We haven’t had a girl win the competition since Jordan Sparks garnered the top spot – and as the youngest winner ever – during the finale of season 6 in 2007.) And, with the exit of Lazaro Arbos a couple weeks ago (the lone remaining guy in the gaggle of gals on the show), it goes without saying the streak will finally be broken.

Or … will it? I’m not so sure.

Idol could pull another “trick” out its sleeve and reinject one of the guys back into the competition. There could be yet another turn of events unprecedented in the annals of Idoldom. Hell … some goofy campaign could come along and rewrite the rules so that Nicki Minaj and/or Mariah Carey could take the whole ball of wax. *choke*

Yes … there’s been that kind of ruckus raised during the show of late. And it’s not lending well to the overall scheme of things.

See … last week there was a wrench tossed in the machine we haven’t witnessed previously (at least not in quite the manner revealed) resulting in a “do over” for the Top 4 contestants. What happened? No one got eliminated. No one got nixed. The lowest vote getter didn’t get booted off the show. In essence, we were robbed. Robbed of a couple hours of our time, robbed of what’s always come before, robbed of the drama of someone’s favorite contestant being eliminated. And, for me, I was robbed of seeing Amber taken out of the competition. (More on that below.)

Just as interesting, because there was an ouster the previous week, if I were Janelle ArthurI’d be pissed off the Top 4 get another go ’round. Why couldn’t that “do over” be offered while she was still in the fold? Doesn’t exactly seem fair to her, does it?

That wrench– such that it is and as it’s been explained to us — is The Idol Powers That Be tucking in an extra week into the season, one that’s been committed to sponsors who have paid their dues for their wares to be broadcast across the airwaves. And we can’t NOT have that happen, judges’ save be damned.

The judges’ save didn’t get used this season. None of the four could agree unanimously on a single competitor to use it on. (That right there speaks volumes … as in “no one was worthy of it.”) Had it been used, an extra week of competition would have justified a “re-do” and would have made sense. But putting a “do over” episode of Top 4 performances as announced by our little buddy Ryan Seacrest last week did nothing but leave a bad taste in our mouths. That “special surprise announcement no one will see coming” amounted to nothing less than chicanery. It was ill-designed and logistically unsound. And it really wasn’t even much of a surprise, truth be told.

Going forward, what is the only thing that will make sense to justify a “do over?” The simple elimination of two contestants on the show this week. But that can’t happen because of the sponsors who have “pony’d up” their moolah … and they’re not going to be denied. Too late for that.

Back to my Amber mention above and why I was robbed. On the 18th of this month I posted the following, who would be eliminated week to week:

“Janelle is at the bottom of the Gal Pack. Cute and all, but not up to the others’ abilities. Amber works, but you never know what you’re going to get. Angie – while brilliant at times – is inconsistent. Candice and Kree will be the last two standing. And while I am partial to Kree (love her) and appreciate her efforts immensely, Candice is the better, more emotive contestant.”

With Janelle having been ousted (as predicted) and Amber one of the two at the bottom of the pack last week, my plan is still in effect. So I got that goin’ for me regardless of the fact there was no elimination.

But I’d be willing to bet there’s still some monkey business in store at the Big, Bad Idol Machine. More so than usual.

Let’s see what else they pull out of there bag of tricks …

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If you saw The Top 8 perform on American Idol this week, you witnessed something interesting. You saw walking, talking, “performing” mug shots of The Criminals Of Detroit, The Murders Of Motown and the newest portraits to grace the walls as America’s Most Wanted for perpetrating competition hopefuls.

What you witnessed were massive steps backward in the competition. It was an “unlearning” of what the guys have gained up to this point … which by the evidence below wasn’t much. I’m surprised the travesty they committed on stage Wednesday night wasn’t nixed after a few rehearsals. Devo would tout it as a chapter right out of “devolution.”

What happened on the stage with the three remaining guys was horrific, sad and cringe-worthy as they stumbled over each other on their way to completely mangling The Four Tops “I Can’t Help Myself.” It was done with such amateur slovenliness it just might cure Idol of repeating its token Motown Week come next season — if there is a next season.

Ready to set your teeth on edge? Good. Here you go:

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZdcdtD9vKI

Nicki Minaj had plenty to say to the fellows post-performance and, for once, I applauded her for mouthing off how poorly they sang: “It’s a beautiful day in Hollywood, because that’s what it felt like. I felt like I was back in Hollywood Week. I don’t know what that was … thank God that all three of you already had your solo performances. Lazaro, you fell as flat as a pancake. Don’t ever do that again. All three of y’all Go! Get off the stage!” Yep. Blistering and raw. And well deserved.

Of course the main attraction, the individual performances, weren’t quite as bad. But none of them were particularly noteworthy, either. That’s right: None. Of. Them. I’m not going to catalog each and every bit of lackidaisicality and tongue-tiedness complete with sloppy arrangements because that’s all we saw from the lot. But there were two exceptions.

Janelle Arthur’s rendition of “You Just Keep Me Hangin’ On” got us out of the dank and darkness that had set the tone by Candice and Lazaro’s sets before her. And Kree Harrison — coming in on the coveted last slot of the evening — turned in a muted performance of Ben E. King’s “Don’t Play That Song (You Lied)” made famous by The Queen Of Soul herself, Aretha Franklin. If not for these two, the night would have been a complete loss. Even Angie Miller was uneven, stumbling and off key throughout her version of “Shop Around.”

And simply to exemplify the drudgery that was Motown Week, I’ll leave you with Burnell Taylor’s hacking and chopping of Stevie Wonder’s “My Cherie Amour.” I don’t know what the judges saw in this performance. Quite frankly, I’m going to have a difficult time getting this version out of my head in the coming weeks. *brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*:

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMn2FM3gmr4

P.S. That photo above? You’ll see the same sour pusses in The Bottom 3 come elimination. All of them are worthy of the group. Who goes home is anyone’s guess. Could it please be Lazaro this time around?

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You did catch Jimmy Iovine’s call about the girls having outperformed the guys on American Idol last week, didn’t you?

That right there should have been a not-so-little sign to the gentlemen they need to step things up … WAY up. After last week’s performances, there isn’t one girl who can’t hold her own song for song against any of the guys. But maybe something goes awry this week between the 9 remaining contestants, so let’s see what we can see …

Kree Harrison “With A Little Help From My Friends” You can’t really beat flawless, can you? I’ve said it before: Kree’s my favorite, but there was nothing surprising, sassy or unpredictable about her covering this song (and in Joe Cocker’s style). She was atop the heap in last week’s voting, she’ll be up there again this week.

Burnell Taylor “Let It Be” The impression I got from Burnell was the strange little runs and inflections lent to him not knowing what the hell he was doing with the song. He did weird things with this classic, and not in a good way, adding up to something overly convoluted when it should have been effortless.

Amber Holcomb “She’s Leaving Home” Hello, Burnell? Were you watching? If you’re going to do something different with a Beatles’ tune, this was the way to do it, regardless of the fact Amber needed a little time to work her way into it. In the end she succeeded, but it took some doing for her to get there. Not great, but adequate.

Lazaro Arbos “In My Life” Wow. Warbliness reigned over and throughout Lazaro’s poor performance, making him sound even worse than he actually was. Tempo issues, waverly tones and probably the sincerest insincerity put forth in a song all night. Like everyone out there in TelevisionLand, Lazaro has been a sympathetic fan favorite for me, but is it time for him to cash in his chips? Because his veneer is really starting to crack and the weakness are starting to show through. Glaringly. He may have been the top guy of last week, but that was last week.

Candice Glover “Come Together” Candice may have done well with her version of this rocker, but I didn’t like it. She took too many liberties for my taste. Admittedly, some of them simply weren’t conducive to the feel of the song. I know she was trying to make it hers, but she overplayed it. I’ll give her props for the only uptempo Beatles song of the night, however. And regardless of my feelings, there’s no way she’ll be in any sort of trouble come elimination.

Paul Jolley “Elenor Rigby” Jimmy keeps saying the contestants are going to kill their performances. Paul definitely “killed” this performance of Elenor Rigby, committing one of the ickiest versions I’ve ever heard. *ugh* Maybe the pretty boy should give up singing and take up modeling instead. I think he’s doomed.

Angie Miller “Yesterday” Another substandard performance, this time from … what!? … Angie … ?!?? Really? Yep. Her tone on the song was completely wrong and she hacked it up pretty well. It was as if she was struggling with it, something Keith even commented on. All the luster of her high point original performance “You Set Me Free” during Hollywood Week succumbed to one of the safest Beatles songs in their repertoire.

Devin Velez “The Long And Winding Road” Best of the boys this evening, but he was using a little too much of his best strength — his runs — to leave a mark … and it almost worked against him. A few more of those and it would have messed up his turn irrevocably. There might not be too much personality to the guy, but he’s the best thing the guys have going for them at this point, regardless of the fact he looks like Tin-Tin.

Janelle Arthur “I Will” There wasn’t a better song on The Beatles’ roster than “I Will” for Janelle to take on. Not only a perfect song to end the night on, but a perfect one for Janelle to showcase her singular bent. With the availability of putting a little country twang and flavor in the song, how could she do poorly with it? She couldn’t. It worked monumentally to her advantage.

Bottom 3: Lazaro Arbos, Burnell Taylor and Paul Jolley will make up the low spots this week with Paul waving bye-bye to his fellow Idolites.

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I would be lying if I didn’t state there were some interesting aspects to the Top 10 Perform show on American Idol Wednesday evening. Both overall and on a personal level. (Not the least of which was Nicki Minaj’s tardiness. More on this below.)

Speaking in generalities, the gals are definitely outgunning the guys thus far. Even Janelle Arthur’s *meh* performance of Montgomery Gentry’s “Gone” superseded anything the testosterone contingent offered. And I don’t even like Janelle. Not right now, anyway.

Curtis Finch, Jr. started out in the wrong key, was often flat during his performance and seemed anxious throughout. (The fact he picked a previously-sung Fantasia song didn’t garner any points in my book. But it was “Music of the American Idols” night on the show, so whatcha gonna do?) And while Devin Velez did better in the third slot of the night than the two before him, it didn’t carry over to the plain vanilla set of Lazaro Arbos nor of Burnell Taylor. Both their tunes were just there. Nothing special. (I’ll save my comments about Paul Jolley for a tad later.)

The gals? Well … post Janelle and her practically flatline offering, Angie Miller did as we all expected her to do — predictably and easily. Nothing especially different, just typical Angie. Which is to say it’s time for her to do something completely different to shake things up. We know she can wow us; now we want to see something out of her comfort zone before folks start getting bored. (I do, anyway.) Candice Glover and Amber Holcomb? The songs they sang were nice and tidy and comfortable. But Kree Harrison’s turn at the mike in putting Roy Orbison’s “Crying” out there … well, that was a little bit bold and very welcome, complete with an arrangement that befitted her style. (Yes … I have somewhat of “a thing” for Kree.)

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEeIz2_d5lI

Now … Paul Jolley? He was the surprise of the night and the best of the guys. I have little regard for him, but he did make me sit up and take notice with his turn. Is he the hopeful who is going to surprise me and win me over this season? I don’t see that happening, but I’m keeping my eye on him just the same. There are always (yes … I used “always”) surprises tucked in the folds of an Idol season and he is one of the first ones for me after last night. Paul has a long way to get me to board his train, but stranger things have happened. That’s all I’m saying.

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDxf5KGHFqs

Now, regarding the videos above: There are two things I want you to watch for. One is the wandering, often strange mind of Nicki Minaj, the other the struggling mind of Mariah Carey. Minaj has become this season’s Steven Tyler with her goofy analogies. (Note: A theory of mine as to why she was late to the broadcast Wednesday night: She was honing her “waffle” story, didn’t quite have it right and decided she needed a little more time to polish it, the “show must go on” rule be damned. Side Note: The “polishing” didn’t help.) Carey? I don’t know what to think of her. She’s throw-away and pointless. Why she’s being paid millions to sit at the judges’ table is beyond my comprehension.

Who gets the first ticket home? No clue. But I’d bet dollars to donuts it’s a guy. Watch for it.

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