There are some movies that you want to see but worry they’ll be too harrowing to sit through. But you know they are those prestige, Oscar bait films with a great cast and a powerful message that need to be seen. Sometimes, they turn out to be not so bad as you’d thought and other times they meet your expectations depending on how closely you can relate to the subject matter. For me, Dallas Buyers Club was one of those movies that I’m glad I saw, but could never sit through again. Even as I write this review I get filled with emotion.

The story, a true story, centers around Ron Woodruff (Matthew McConaughey), a good ole Texas boy who loves the rodeo and women in equal parts. After an on the job accident sends him to the hospital, Ron is told that he has tested positive for HIV (keep in mind, this movie takes place in 1986) and in his current condition he only has 30 days to live. Ron refuses to believe the diagnosis because, well, he’s no “f—-t” but it’s never really confirmed as to how he contracted the disease. As Ron continues to get more ill, he starts doing research into the new drug about to begin trials, AZT. With no way to buy it, Ron bribes an orderly who gets him a bottle on a regular basis until the hospital starts putting it under lock and key. Ron continues to do research, learns that the AZT is more toxic to the system than helpful and is given information about a clinic in Mexico where he can find help.

In Mexico, Ron discovers safe, non-toxic but not approved by the FDA vitamins, proteins and supplements that help extend his life and curtail the illness. Ron then hits upon a brilliant plan — bring the drugs back from Mexico and sell them to those in need. While in the hospital, Ron had been befriended by Rayon (Jared Leto), a patient participating in the drug trial, and after Ron’s homophobic vibe resulted in no success in peddling his wares, Rayon cuts himself in for a quarter of the profits and becomes the main seller. But as their success spreads, the FDA catches on and shuts them down. Ron then sets up the Dallas Buyers Club, where the members pay a monthly fee to belong and get all of their drugs for free. It’s a surefire way to get around the law, but when you’re fighting against the Feds and big pharma, it’s a losing battle. Or is it?

McConaughey, as is widely known at this point, lost a huge amount of weight to play Woodruff. He’s already scary skinny when the movie starts, but starts looking a little better as the cocktail of supplements he’s taking kicks in, and then goes downhill again as the Feds confiscate everything. He makes Woodruff a very difficult guy to like as he spews anti-gay epithets, but once he’s welcomed into Rayon’s circle and starts going to any lengths possible to help people in his condition, you have to admire the guy. And then you remember he’s really only doing it for the profit and his own health … but he’s still helping people who otherwise have no other option but to enter a trial and hope they get the AZT, or go on the AZT once it’s approved by the FDA. It certainly was brilliant casting (Brad Pitt and Ryan Gosling were early contenders for the role) and McConaughey’s devotion to the character will almost certainly nab him some awards notice.

Another cast member almost certain to get nominations for supporting actor (and probably a few wins) is Jared Leto as the transgendered Rayon. Leto spends most of the movie in makeup and women’s clothing, but he never lets the character become a caricature. Rayon can deliver a withering glare and a scathingly funny comment or two, but she’s always a down to earth human being who just happens to be battling a ravaging disease (Leto also lost a lot of weight for the role) and a drug addiction. Leto makes Rayon the more sympathetic of the two, who jumps into the business with Ron to help his brothers and sisters and to make a little money on the side.

The film certainly is a “message” movie that, even though it takes place three decades ago, still resonates today as the country has become divided over the issue of health care and how it all boils down to money. The film squarely points the finger at the FDA and the pharmaceuticals being in bed together, looking to see how much profit can be made (AZT was the most expensive drug in the world when it was finally approved) rather than how alternate treatments — which would cut into the AZT profits — could be more beneficial to patients. It also casts a glaring eye at the hospitals that were being paid to administer the AZT, even over the objections of some of the doctors on staff (Jennifer Garner plays one such doctor). As our current battle over health care wages today, you can still see how most of the resistance to a universal plan comes from insurance providers and pharmaceuticals who worry about their bottom line. The film’s message is powerful, and perhaps will help open eyes to our current health care plight.

As I stated earlier, Dallas Buyers Club is a good movie with terrific performances from the leads and all of the supporting actors. But it’s not the feel good movie of the year, especially if your life has been touched by the tragedy that was and is the AIDS crisis. My best friend passed away from the disease in 2008. It was tough to see him deteriorate while he wasn’t getting the care he needed, and good to see him improve as he finally got the right combination of meds and care. He survived for 14 years, but all of us who knew and loved him still miss him to this day. It was very, very difficult to watch this movie and not think of him, and if you’ve been touched in some way by this disease, you may want to prepare yourself mentally before seeing it.