When Fifty Shades of Grey made its way through my circle of friends back in 2012, I picked it up and read it mostly so I would know what it was all my friends were talking about on Facebook. I was mildly curious, and it was this mild curiosity that kept me reading it until the final page. However, by the time the novel was over, I felt a closure with the characters. I didn’t care enough about their fates to pick up either of the two sequels. It was this same mild curiosity that caused me to accept the review invitation for the film, released today by Focus Features, and I have to say watching the film adaptation was even more painful to sit through than reading the first novel.

I think my biggest problem with Fifty Shades of Grey is that it’s billed as this great, sweeping love story that couples should want to watch unfold on the big screen this Valentine’s Day weekend. It’s about as romantic of a notion to me as Pretty Woman. Much like I never understood why a story about a rich man using a prostitute to his advantage and then taking her off the streets on a whim is considered an epic romance, I don’t understand why this one is billed as such either.

The relationship between Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele isn’t romantic, nor is it even healthy. But I get the way it’s romanticized on the big screen because it’s an escapism/fantasy for some and it begins innocently enough like a conventional love story for others. Anastasia is an awkward but intelligent college senior majoring in English lit who fills in on an interview with the successful Christian Grey as a favor for her sick roommate. It turns out that not only is he the incredibly rich and powerful owner of his company, but he’s also young and handsome. He is the type of man with a commanding presence, beautiful eyes and a boyish smirk that can make a woman swoon just by passing her by. Once you throw in that he can also pilot his own private helicopter to fly you to a different city to wine and dine you, I can see why that would make most women weak in the knees. To that end, he was cast well. Actor Jamie Dornan is easy on the eyes. I really didn’t have a problem with Dakota Johnson cast as Anastasia. She’s awkward but pretty like her parents (Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith). She bites her lip in a suggestive way during the appropriate scenes, and overall I think she’s a better young actress than the one they found to be in the Twilight films. She’s capable of showing a range of emotions, reacting to things like she was an actual human being and not just a caricature of one.

Anastasia is drawn to Christian because she finds him enigmatic and mysterious. Behind all the wealth and the prying eyes of the public is a man who shields the secrets of his private life to even those who are supposed to know him best. In turn, Christian is drawn to Anastasia because she’s like a blank slate waiting to be filled – in more ways than one (terrible pun inserted because it’s really nothing more than a terrible story line that you’d find in a poorly written porno). It seems Christian is a control freak with a capital “C.” His need to dominate trickles all the way from the boardroom of his corporate empire down to his personal relationships. This intense desire to be in control carries over to the bedroom, as Anastasia soon discovers.

Christian introduces Anastasia to the world of BDSM: doms and subs, whips and chains, handcuffs and playrooms filled with sex toys designed to inflict pain and desire until they’re maddeningly one and the same. However, their relationship is not even considered a healthy dom/sub relationship according to the rules of the BDSM community. Both individuals have to know upfront clearly what is expected of them and be comfortable with their roles. Anastasia is clearly not comfortable in her role, and I can’t say that I blame her. I don’t care what kind of upbringing he had or how much of a control freak he is, there are no excuses for the way he treats her in the book or the film. You don’t treat someone you love in that manner. Christian comes across as very one-dimensional and selfish. Anastasia is seen as an object of lust to dominate in his “Red Room” instead of a strong, intelligent, beautiful woman. I realize three things about Fifty Shades: (1) the sex has been watered down for consumption by the masses (even the old ladies next to me were not terribly offended), (2) it does not depict how the BDSM lifestyle probably really is (based on mutual consent) and (3) I don’t understand why anyone would want the “Christian Grey Experience,” which is apparently a thing now. If the experience is anything like it is in the film, it’d be awkward, frustrating and degrading.

One of the biggest problems plaguing this film is the coming together of Dornan and Johnson as Christian and Anastasia – they lack chemistry during the sex scenes. This is a pretty unforgivable blunder when like a third of the film is them having sex. Another major hurdle is making the story believable in an unabsurd kind of way, something I think it does a poor job of in the final product. Scenes that should be emotionally charged and powerful come across as nothing short of ridiculous, and I think this is perhaps heightened by the ultra-serious musical score provided by Danny Elfman. I love Danny Elfman, but in this particular case, his music just didn’t seem to fit certain scenes quite right. The lines are often corny and delivered so woodenly by the actors you’re not sure if they don’t understand what they’re saying or if they just didn’t want to be there that day. The negotiations for the contract between the two makes the entire thing so stilted that it takes all the spontaneity and excitement out of the relationship. Wait, isn’t marriage itself a contract that also takes some of the spontaneity and excitement out of some relationships? The jury is still out on that one.

However, all things considered, I do not feel this is the “worst film of all time.” The awkwardness of it makes it actually kinda funny in spots. The audience laughed at things that were probably not meant to be funny and there were some “hot and bothered” audience members in my showing who would shout out unexpected exclamations that also made it a funnier experience. But it is my humble opinion that the best thing about Fifty Shades of Grey is its soundtrack. It’s full of haunting refrains from the likes of Annie Lennox, AWOLNATION, Ellie Goulding and Beyonce. Leave it to Beyonce to take a Beyonce song and actually make it a better Beyonce song. It’s sort of like a musical Inception. What she does with the new arrangement for “Crazy in Love” left me breathless. I think people will be talking about the music much longer than they will be talking about the acting or the story. The only thing worse than the abrupt ending is the knowledge that there are two more novels lurking out there, and presumably, two more films waiting to be released.

With the new film Fifty Shades of Grey coming out for Valentine’s Day, many couples will be tempted to spend their hard-earned cash to see it. Instead, lets look at why 2002’s Secretary is the smarter alternative.

To start, lets look at story. A young woman meets an older man in a position of power named Mr. Grey, the two become attracted to each other and embark on a BDSM relationship. Yes we just described both films with that one simple sentence. Two movies dealing with intense sexual relationships, focused primarily on BDSM, and having the male leads named Mr. Grey. The films diverge from here and show two very different takes on this lifestyle. Fifty Shades puts all the power into the man’s hands and focuses on the purely sexual side, making the female lead little more than a toy for his amusement. Secretary concerns itself with showing a fairly traditional love story, boy meets girls, boy and girl flirt, something goes wrong, girl tries to get boy back … but dressing such a traditional idea with an untraditional relationship. At it’s core Secretary is still a love story where Fifty Shades is a lust story.

Now lets look a little closer at the characters. Fifty Shades presents us with Christian Grey, a rich wildly successful businessman, and Anastasia Steele, a naive college student and virgin still finding her place in the world. In Secretary we meet Lee Holloway, a smart but damaged young woman, lacking in social skills and just out of the hospital for self harm, and E. Edward Grey, an odd, socially awkward attorney, who while successful is modestly so. The imbalance in these relationships becomes apparent immediately. Where on one side we have a rich powerful man towering over a shrinking violet, on the other hand we have two socially awkward people looking for someone who can appreciate them for their odd behavior and taboo desires. Where Christian Grey almost forces Anastasia into a new and frightening lifestyle, E. Edward Grey pulls back from Miss Holloway and she becomes the pursuer. Secretary is not only the more balanced story, it’s the one that empowers women.

This brings us to a fundamental problem with Fifty Shades of Grey. From what I’ve read of the BDSM community, a driving force seems to be that both parties enter into it with full knowledge and desire of what is going to happen. Whether through safe words or  agreement ahead of time, everyone involved knows their boundaries and they all sought out what they are getting into. Anastasia may be curious about what she is presented with but she’s really satisfying Grey’s desires, not any pre-existing ones of her own. Again Secretary shows us both parties enjoyed BDSM activities prior to meeting, they are satisfying both of their desires.

Next, lets look at our talent. Fifty Shades brings us Jamie Dornan, whose biggest role to date was the sheriff on Once Upon a Time, and Dakota Johnson who has only had some small film roles and one failed sitcom. They are brought together under the eye of director Sam Taylor-Johnson in her second full length feature. While they all seem to have some talent, they are by and large untested and unproven. Secretary also has a director with a limited body of work, Steven Shainberg, who boasts just a small handful of directing and producing credits over a twenty year career. He had the luck however of having two strong lead actors in Maggie Gyllenhaal (who had already been in ten feature films by 2002), and James Spader, whose performances are always deliciously odd but fascinatingly so. Despite being seventeen years apart in age the two of them work wonderfully together, bringing both an odd, socially inept, weirdness as well as a sweet childlike sensitivity to their characters.

Both films are adaptations of existing works, Secretary is an adaptation of the short story “Bad Behavior” by Mary Gaitskill. Fifty Shades of Grey started its life as Twilight fan fiction titled “Master of the Universe” which E. L. James published under the pseudonym “Snowqueen’s Icedragon.” Yes, that last sentence is a real thing which I just typed and you have just read. For many people the words “Fan Fiction” and Twilight will be all it takes to deter you from seeing the film. Kudos to you for being so smart.

While I’m sure people will flock to theaters to see Fifty Shades of Grey, I can only hope that a few people will take that time and watch (or even rewatch) a much lesser known film which tells a beautiful if unconventional story. Plus while the average movie ticket costs eight dollars, Secretary is available streaming for a very reasonable $2.99, money well spent.

  

I won’t go into what my thoughts are about the best-selling porn, um … I mean erotic fiction novel Fifty Shades of Grey. I suppose that’s another post, and one I’m not sure I have the inclination to write (although you never know.) I can only allow you to get so far inside my head, ya know. Wink wink.

Suffice it to say, that after getting to know the lead character of Christian Grey by the end of book one, I was interested enough in the guy to google some of the music mentioned in the follow-up Fifty Shades Darker.

And I’m so very glad I did!

The minute I heard Eva Cassidy’s voice I was spellbound. The first video I’m showing you is perhaps the song she is best known for, in the circles where she is known at all. I’ve always loved this tune, everyone has. It’s almost like an anthem and I thought no one could do it the justice that Judy Garland did.

But then I experienced Eva.

Eva’s voice, while being sweet; is also powerful and lilting. Her phrasing is such that I’ve rarely heard; the emphasis on certain words, the drawing out of others. She’s a captivating image onstage; a beautiful blond who by all accounts had no idea she was beautiful, simply sitting and playing her guitar.

I quickly searched out her library on YouTube. The mix of genres Eva covered was incredible, and also the death of her where the record companies were concerned. Several times she was looked at by major labels who wanted her to declare herself an artist of one style or another.

And Eva said no.

She loved and performed many different kinds of music. From jazz to folk to pop and back again. She wasn’t about to bend to the pressure to pigeon-hole herself.

After all, she was only in her early thirties when all this was going on. She probably thought she had a lot of time ahead to be recognized and accepted for the kind of performer she wanted to be.

It breaks my heart to say that wasn’t true. Eva died in 1996 of malignant melanoma, a deadly form of skin cancer. A few years earlier she’d had a mole removed, in ’96 she felt a horrible ache in her hips that she thought was from being on a step-ladder painting one of her murals …

And well, it wasn’t from that. Cancer had spread throughout her body and she was given just months to live.

A few weeks before she died, Eva performed for the last time at a benefit for cancer. She chose to sing this. (I’m warning you to get a kleenex.)

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEBBGSgO16M

I know. I know how you feel. It’s said there wasn’t a dry eye in the room.

Here’s a couple more of Eva’s live stints and recorded work that will show you her fantastic range and amazing talent.

Take for example? The way she can sing the blues!

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAgGyo3TseE

Or rock and roll …

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRNleKBDCNw

I adore Eva’s version of this country music classic.

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=lA6V2LPxBq8

And I’ll end with my favorite song of hers. I listen to this every night on my walks. I love to walk just before the sun goes down during Fall, and I let Eva and this folk song illustrate the scenery for me.

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uKdHT7bquM

So, that’s Eva.

She never did achieve popularity outside of the Washington D.C. area where she resided during her lifetime.

She’s caught on posthumously due to word of mouth, certain public radio stations and now the Fifty Shades book trilogy.

If you weren’t aware of this magical artist, then welcome to my love affair. If you had heard of her? I hope that this post was a solid reminder of what we lost on that November day sixteen years ago.

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