Here’s what I know: GEICO has been around for a long, long time.

Founded by Leo Goodwin in the 1930s, “The Government Employees Insurance Company” currently boasts some 13 million plus automobile insurance policies encompassing millions of policy holders in all 50 of the United States including the District Of Colombia. Simply stating the company is big is a gross understatement.

One of the reasons the company is so massive? It utilizes a direct-to-consumer sales model via telephone and internet communications. This effectively cuts out any agents and their commissions, instead funneling profits back into itself to fuel nationwide advertising campaigns. Said campaigns “employ” the Cockney-accented animated stylings of a particular Gold dust day gecko (one of many advertising gimmicks) as its showcase mascot.

Here’s what else I know: I do not like this mascot in the least.

It is a loathsome thing. It is hated, reviled and a source of great contempt to my person. I abhor the GEICO gecko with a passion.

However, that being said? I get it. I understand, somewhat, the attraction of the mascot. GEICO, gecko. “The GEICO gecko.” It makes sense in the grand scheme of things. Or … maybe it doesn’t make sense in and of itself but, as a marketing ploy, it’s pretty damned smart. Some (hokay … many) people think it’s cute, present company excepted. I’ve heard these same people dig not only its foreign accent but get off on the creature’s anthropomorphic actions and mannerisms.

But just because it “makes sense” as a mascot doesn’t mean I have to like it. I don’t.

When commercials come on for GEICO — especially the ones featuring the GEICO gecko — I visibly cringe. My mouth turns downward. I digustingly expel a kind of *uckgh* exclamation indicating my extreme displeasure of the thing. I can feel my stomach turn. Really.

Understand it’s not that I have a dislike of reptiles; just the opposite as a matter of fact. In my youth I had snakes and lizards aplenty as pets, much to my mother’s chagrin. Personally, I think they’re cool. They harken back to the days of the dinosaurs, distant cousins of those long-gone giant thunder lizards. And really: Who doesn’t like dinosaurs?

Still … the little Cockney’d freak of a mascot gripes my cookies to no end. I can mute my television set, I can walk out of the room during the commercials, I can put my hands to my ears and rattle off a “Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala!” for distraction. But it doesn’t make much difference. Because right around the proverbial corner there’s surely another one of those ads awaiting me. And that’s a fact, Jack.

Why do I hate the gecko so much? There are a few reasons. Part of it is I believe the creators put too much anthropomorphism into the character. That one ad where it’s doing the voice over work? I get the feeling they’re trying to get me to invest into it. I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the thing. That Philly cheese steak spot? Good gordness, I drip with rancor when it comes on. That green little shit doesn’t possess a good dance move beneath a single scale of its being. (Of course it doesn’t have good dance moves! It’s a freakin’ gecko for Pete’s sake … !!!) And those creepy eyes … *shudder*

The only thing to do is turn off the television … but that’s not really an option as I’m usually watching some program of interest when GEICO ads pop up. Much as I like to spit venom at the character, I’m not going to cut off my nose to spite my face and let it ruin my viewing pleasure for the next 45 or so minutes of program … or whatever the case may be.

And you would think I would be safe from the little shit when the television is dark. Fat chance of that. Radio announcements. Billboards and signposts. Print ads. Internet spots. *yeesh* I have to give GEICO credit — that lizard is everywhere. It invades everything. Thankfully, I haven’t had a dream or nightmare with it traipsing through my sleep. That would be the last straw.

And then? The unexpected happened to me this week. I wasn’t ready for it, I hadn’t a clue it was coming. In fact, it tainted a beloved item of old I was overjoyed to see, something I thought I would never see again.

I was at the movies, finally getting the opportunity to see Noah which came out last month. The usual previews 30 and 60 seconded across the screen for this and that and the other. And then? There it was: Nostalgia flashed right in front of me, drawing a smile as wide as could be.

Do you remember that “Let’s All Go To The Lobby” musical snipe with the strutting refreshments singing their ways “to get their selves a treat” much to the delight of the viewing audience? What a joy to see it up on the screen once again at my local theater! I was giddy from head to toe!

Is nothing sacred any more … ?!??

*sigh*

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