Yes, folks: Somehow I survived my childhood.

Oh, look: So did everyone else who’s reading this.

Despite what my (sometime) friend and fellow compatriot Ivey might state ’round the hallowed halls of CliqueClack (something about the fact I continue to reside in the comfort, adventure and wide-eyed wonder of my youth), each and every one of us did things as kids we probably shouldn’t have done and played with toys we probably shouldn’t have been playing with. And, with the exception of Buckyballs, I have personal involvement with each and every item on the 10 Beloved Banned And Recalled Products. Additionally, as adults we have probably used (or continue to use) several. Am I right? So let’s get to it … shall we?

First off, however, I would like to note one particular thing going forward. It’s something millions of people have somehow either failed to take into consideration or have chosen to toss out the window, instead opting to fly by the seat of their pants. And that, my dear readers, is common sense. Remember I mentioned this while you continue on. I’ll bring it up here and there.

Onward …

Lawn Darts Yes. I had a set of these. In the day they were referred to as “Jarts.” My parents gave them to me as a Christmas gift. (I secretly believe my father approved of them and promoted their use so that I could unwittingly aerate the lawn.) They were awesome. Made of durable, heavy-duty plastic, they had honkin’-ass indestructable metal tips completely suitable for stabbing someone in time of need. (None of those particular occasions ever arose.) My friends and I had a blast with these suckers. A couple hoops were put at either end of the property, if memory serves, and the point of the exercise was to score by hitting those targets with the Jarts. And here’s the thing: Even as wild, wacky kids? We had enough damned common sense to get the hell out of the way when one of those things was launched with abandon. News Flash: All my friends, myself included, survived hours and hours of play with nary a scratch.

Electric Blankets Personally, I don’t like electric blankets. But we used them at my friend’s cabin in the mountains during the winter months. Solution to “burning” yourself? A sheet and blanket twixt you and the blanket and the control dialed in to a low setting. The point of the blanket is to keep warm, not cook your gizzard. (Seriously? People have burned themselves with these things? What did they have them set on? “Broil” … ???)

Fondue Sets Yes … been there, done that when it comes to fondue. I don’t understand the point of it, truth be told. I guess it has to do with sharing germs with anyone else who’s dipped their stick in before you. (No pun intended.)

Bean Bag Chairs “Several instances of small children unzipping the bags, climbing inside, and inhaling the tiny pellets were reported, with life-ending repercussions” so states the article. Now, I ask you: Is this a case of lack of common sense? Parental supervision? Or is it simply a thinning of the herd? That’s all I have to say about that.

Hammocks I dig hammocks. I’ve fallen asleep in many a hammock in my lifetime. Just like any outdoor item left to nature’s harsh elements (as is the example in the photo in the article), it’s wise to perform a cursory check prior to use. You know … so you don’t collapse in a heap and break the back of your front when it gives way. Of course, I would expect that if you’re suspension-challenged you would avoid hammocks all together. But … there’s that common sense thing, you know?

Slip ‘N Slide Governmental agencies and safety groups (and sometimes Ivey) enjoy quashing fun and throwing wet blankets on beach party BBQs. And such is the case with the Ye Olde Slip ‘N Slide. Of course kids got hurt on these things, either by running water-shod into some Bozo Nose who was at the receiving end of the slide or when someone misjudged a particular trajectory, slipped and went ass over tea kettle and bonked their head on the lawn. Kids, however, are pretty damned resilient. They can take it. We all did. Adults, on the other hand, well … they may have the benefit of experience on their side, but that doesn’t prevent them for taking a turn on the spur of the moment on one of these things and shattering a scapula. Another hors d’oeuvres of common sense, anyone?

Water Rockets Amazingly, baseballs, footballs, horseshoes, chairs, suitcases, stinging verbal barbs (what have you) get tossed in the air and we either catch them or avoid being hit by them. And yes … water rockets get put in this catagory. Deal with it.

Bunk Beds I puff out my chest and proudly proclaim I am a life-long survivor of years of bunk beddery. (I give credit where credit is due: My father built a bunk bed that could withstand a nuclear attack. Thanks, Dad.) My sister used to continually whine and cry about sleeping on the top bed, to which I had to relent on occasion. Middle of the night? There was a swooshing sound as her body free-fell through the air and she landed hard on the wood flooring below. Crying ensued followed by the rushing in of the parents to comfort her. Despite these episodes, she still survived her childhood. (And I comfortably got back in my rightful place, the top bunk.)

Deep Fryers I have one word about deep fat fryers. And that word is: Moderation. Come on: Just about EVERYTHING tastes great deep fried. Again, deal with it.

So, really … what have we learned here, people? Do you have any history with banned products? Did you live to tell about it? If you didn’t, weigh in and talk to me. (I’m waiting for someone to comment on the irony in those last few lines.)

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