Best Kiss – Nick and Jess, New Girl

Of course Nick has thought about kissing Jess. He’s probably spent the last two years on and off thinking about it and cycling through self-loathing and reasons why not to … why it was never the right time, what the right time would be … and so to see him kiss Jess wasn’t just good because it was a great kiss (and it was a great kiss), but because we finally got to see Nick get over himself enough to make that move he’s been waiting to make for a long time. And Nick’s move was perfectly timed and placed; wait longer and it becomes unbelievable that Nick and Jess wouldn’t have hooked up sometime, or that when they did Jess wouldn’t cite their friendship as a reason not to continue. Do it earlier and there isn’t enough of a friendship foundation to make them hooking up high stakes. But have them kiss now, two years in, and the timing is just right.

Also, it was a really great kiss. Have I mentioned that yet?

Best Meta – Raising Hope, “Modern Wedding”
So here’s the thing – I hate Modern Family. I don’t understand the appeal. It’s bland fare that’s been overdone a million times and employs some truly lazy writing. I am so tired of it winning awards that should rightfully go to other, more deserving and innovative shows. And so anything that makes fun of Modern Family is immediately going to be, in my book, superlative. But what was so great about “Modern Wedding” wasn’t just the lampooning of Modern Family, but the fact that it effortlessly displayed what the show is missing: an element of surprise, a sense of tongue-in-cheek self-awareness and heart.

The gauntlet has been thrown, Modern Family. Top that if you dare.

Most in Need of a Steady Job – Wilmer Valderama
Has anyone else noticed he plays basically the same character in both Suburgatory and Raising Hope? Maybe it’s time he got a new gig.

Biggest Tearjerker – 30 Rock, “Hogcock!/Last Lunch”
I can’t discuss this coherently, but let’s just say this finale was everything I hoped for and more. I loved every minute of it, cheered every bit of character resolution, adored Jane Krakowski‘s work more than ever before (where is her Emmy???), sobbed at every goodbye (Hot bowl of bear meat! And did you know Tina Fey hand-wrote Liz’s goodbye to Tracy? Nope, too many emotions. Shutting it down), and adored every last second of it. It was perfect and I will miss this show more than words can express.

Goodbye, 30 Rock, you really went to there.

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Last year, I loved New Girl. It provided raunchy, brilliantly immature, laugh-out-loud fun, with a female protagonist. It was basically a show from a guy’s perspective with a woman as the lead. The same went for The Mindy Project‘s pilot. Sure, both shows feature pretty women with long hair who date random good-looking guys while surrounded by adorable male leads, but for the most part, you could’ve swapped Mindy Kaling/Zooey Deschanel with a man and I wouldn’t’ve noticed. However, recently, both shows have gotten into the lady business quite explicitly, and I can’t tell if I’m tired of it or not. Yes, we need more shows with female leads, but I’m tired of TV reducing its heroines to walking vaginas. Jokes about crazy, hormonal women are tiresome and reductive. Until recently, I didn’t get mood swings, so I hated male-written shows *cough* Guys with Kids *cough* that told one-dimensional jokes about crazy women at the female character’s expense. I want to make certain New Girl and Mindy Project don’t fall into that habit.

When last week surrounded Jess’ period and Mindy’s gynecology exam, I squirmed uncomfortably and said, “okay, I hope they don’t do THAT again.” Then, this week they covered reproduction. While Jess and Cece wondered about their reproductive abilities post-age 30, Mindy tried to prevent her adolescent neighbor from having sex (and accidentally having a kid). Don’t get me started about Schmidt seeing Jess’ Ob-GYN while Mindy awkwardly talked about babies with a boner-worthy male teenager.

All I have to ask is, Mindy Project/New Girl: what is up with all the va-jay-jay talk? I’m a woman. Yes. I have a vagina. Yes. But, I don’t necessarily need to see a show talk about it 24-7. Why do TV shows feel the need to base its comedy on the female’s genitalia, instead of humor? Dude, it’s kinda normalizing. With its second season, it feels like the New Girl writers are taking their pants off, getting comfortable and letting Jess talk more about her lady bits. But, you know what? Put your pants back on. I just don’t want to see/hear that. If you can remind me that I’m a gal, without reminding me that I bleed on a monthly basis, I’m down with that.

BUT … while I DON’T want to be reminded of my lady bits and I DON’T want to have shows that cover it back-to-back 24-7, at the same time, I wasn’t offended when Mindy Project and New Girl covered it, like I normally am. I won’t lie, during that time of the month, I literally want to kick the testicles off all the men within a five-mile radius. So, I understood Jess’ pain. When I started my new job, I was stressed and underwent two periods a month for six months. Yea. That’s a lot of mood swings. My male co-workers currently think I’m crazy and run whenever I near a bottle of Advil. So, yes, I totally laughed at Jess’ interview.

I eventually realized that I felt uncomfortable with New Girl’s lady boner talk because it was totally honest without that reductive “women are crazy” gloss other shows tend to add. And, I realized I was more afraid male writers might watch the episode and think, “yea … women are crazy” without actually getting it. David Chapelle said he quit the Chapelle Show because he heard a staff member laughing at his jokes and it sounded like the wrong type of laughter. And, maybe that’s my fear; that by focusing on lady bits, New Girl and Mindy Project will reinforce stereotypes rather than subverting them.

Surprisingly, Mindy Project, a show about a gynecologist, isn’t as raunchy as New Girl concerning lady jay bits. While watching Danny attempt to give Mindy a breast exam was incredibly awkward, watching her hand out condoms to female teens was awesome. My high school health teacher put the fear in me. But, when people address teen sex on TV shows, it’s about feelings and forever. No one ever addresses hideous STDs that can damage your lady parts like gonorrhea. So, yes, I LOVED her scare tactics. And, yes, I loved watching Mindy’s personality waffle between an immature post-adolescent wannabe awkwardly counseling teens while attempting to seem cool and the crochety adult she secretly was who chided teens about texting, rudeness, and poor volleyball aim. This summer I worked with a bunch of teens and people in their early twenties who drove me up the wall. Back in my day, if someone wanted to borrow something they asked directly. But, instead, today’s young adults ask loudly “does someone have x I want to borrow” while looking directly at you.

So … Mindy Project/New Girl: I think you guys are awesome. While I get what you’re doing, don’t do it too much. My biggest fear is that it’ll continue to reduce women to walking crazy jokes, rather than playing with something we all deal with. While maybe New Girl isn’t hitting every single episode out of the ball park like in season one and subsequent Mindy Project episodes aren’t as awesome as the pilot, it’s still smart, funny TV for any gender. And, it’s leagues above Two and Half a Men, which is one-dimensional fart jokes re-told for nine years. So, maybe I shouldn’t complain. If a show about Charlie Sheen’s penis could survive for this long, maybe I can suck it up and deal whenever Mindy Project/New Girl talk about Lady Jay, and just appreciate their casts’ acting talents and their writers’ sly abilities. After all, the Tuesday night 9:00-10:00pm block is my favorite night of television.

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Best Wedding – Liz and Criss, 30 Rock
If I had to choose a favorite TV wedding, I should probably say that my favorite is Monica and Chandler’s, or Jim and Pam’s, or Marshall and Lily’s. But as I’ve mentioned before, my stance on weddings is, to put it lightly, highly atypical. And my wedding, should I ever have one, is going to resemble Liz and Criss’ on this week’s 30 Rock far more than anyone in my life probably feels comfortable with.

Look, I’m with Liz (shocker) — the wedding-industrial complex is nuts and I have no desire to have a big party where I have to be nice to people I never wanted to invite and look the most like I a beautiful princess I have ever looked in my life. Weddings, in my opinion, should ideally reflect the couple and the kind of life they want to share with each other. And maybe some people want to share a perfect fairytale life, but that sounds like a lot of pressure to me. Give me a small, personally significant, completely ridiculous and goofy wedding any day, because life is never going to be a perfect fairytale. But if you’re lucky, it will be a fun, silly gathering of close friends who love you, and of course, a few who don’t but are just there for the ride. And let’s be real, who wants to be Cinderella when you can be Princess Leia? No one I want to hang out with, that’s who.

Show Finally Coming Into Its Own - The Mindy Project
I have in my drafts folder the beginnings of an article on how The Mindy Project was both my most anticipated show of the season and also my biggest disappointment, because I could see all the potential it had but it just seemed so scattered and unable to reach it. I kept watching, though, because I like to give shows I see potential in what I call “The Parks and Recreation cushion”, i.e.: six or so episodes to try and find their voice, and The Mindy Project seems to have done that. They seem to have realized that what works best is not trying to occupy every character, but to have a Mindy plot and a B plot, and give Mindy Kaling time to do what Mindy Kaling does best: opine on vaguely girly matters in a down-to-earth, slightly ridiculous way.  For example, on the phone to her BFF: “Gwen, you’re so smart. I wish we were lesbians so we could get married. I mean, I wouldn’t want to have sex or anything. Maybe a little kissing.” Raise your hands if that’s a conversation you and your BFF have had. I’m guessing pretty much every hand just went up.

Most Disappointing Episode - Suburgatory, “Friendship Fish”
I was really in the mood for Suburgatory this week. It was one of those weeks where I was gleefully anticipating Wednesday and watching old episodes on Hulu. But sadly, this week’s Suburgatory fell victim to one of the classic episode ruiners: product placement. Usuually product placement is a throwaway line about a character’s great new car, but this week Tessa’s entire storyline was about her new Windows tablet, and it was terrible. Even George and Dallas’ fun and frankly adorable storyline about George losing his city edge couldn’t make up for a storyline that was so bad it involved a talking fish. I think that should be a new rule of television writing, actually: if your storyline involves a talking fish giving life advice, it’s probably a good idea to do a re-write.

Best Episode of the Week - New Girl, “Eggs”
Here is how you know this episode of New Girl was great; as I sat write this section I reached a dread writer’s block, which I dealt with in the normal way – going to the bathroom, cleaning my gerbils’ cage, and finally sitting there drumming my laptop and saying in my best Nick Miller voice, “I got nothing,” while the Winston voice in my head went, “it’s like you don’t want to write!”

No, Winston voice, sometimes I do not.

Therein lies the genius of this week’s New Girl, it’s relatability. Everyone has written a paper the way Nick wrote Z is for Zombie (which, incidentally, I would give a lot of money to read). Everyone has been Winston, trying to be responsible and settled while their friends are still running around and not respecting their adjusted schedule. Everyone’s been Schmidt and realized too late that they have feelings for someone they never wanted to have. And everyone’s been Jess and Cece, both wanting the future to happen and being terrified of the ticking clock we all try so hard to ignore. And on top of that relatability we got layered in what New Girl is best at: Jess and Cece’s amazing friendship, Schmidt balancing ridiculous with accidentally deep (that sound you heard during the monologue in the gynecologist’s office was the sound of Max Greenfield nominating himself for an Emmy), and tying it all together, the feeling that Jess and her boys in apartment 4D are the strange and wonderful sort of found family that everyone wants to one day find.

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FOX’s The Mindy Project and New Girl are two of FOX’s stronger comedies. So, it makes sense to place them back to back. But this week I noticed eerie similarities between the two. Admittedly, beneath the surface they aren’t the same show; but on the surface they look pretty similar. Tuesday night I got total déjà vu watching them back to back. 15 minutes into the Mindy Project, I kept wondering why everything seemed so similar until I realized I watched it earlier on New Girl …

My top five reasons why Mindy Project and New Girl are the same show:

1. They Share the Same Plot

Both shows are about strong female characters re-defining their lives after their former boyfriends kick them to the curb. But, that’s pretty surface stuff. That didn’t bother me. But, this Tuesday both shows had similar premises. New Girl focused on Jess and Nick’s friends-without-benefits relationship while the Mindy Project surrounded the antagonistic Mr. Darcy/Elizabeth Bennet relationship between Mindy and Danny.

2. The Male Characters Are the Same

The male characters cut from the same template. New Girl features vain wannabe playa Schmidt, curmudgeonly Nick, and ambiguous yet awesome Winston. Likewise, The Mindy Project features vain, womanizer Jeremy alongside curmudgeonly Danny. This week, The Mindy Project introduced a male nurse character, who like Winston arrives after the other characters gelled.

Hell, two-thirds of the characters look like each other. Danny’s scruffy beard and dark hair perfectly reminds me of Nick’s scruffy beard and dark hair. Likewise, Schmidt’s wavy pretty boy hair definitely mirrors Jeremy’s wavy pretty boy hair.

3. They share the same love setup

Both shows have the same Mr. Darcy/Elizabeth Bennet I’m totally-not-into-you-even-though-we-think-alike-and-spend-too-much-time-together, setup. Both Danny and Nick pretend to dislike spending so much time with their female lead and complain about her uber-female quirks while not-so-secretly obsessing over her. Also, Jess and Nick are roommates while Danny and Mindy are office mates. So yea, both couples are friends by living/work association.

It’s pretty obvious that Nick and Jess will wind up together. Mindy and Danny also make the perfect couple. Part of me is tired of TV series where we have two single, attractive characters who are clearly right for each other, not hooking up. But, considering Jess still needs single time, Nick needs to organize his life, and Danny’s getting over his divorce; those are impediments to both relationships. Also, you don’t crap where you work/live. Both couples better be certain before going forward.

4. They’re Unfailingly Honest

Not only do they share the same characters and love interests, but they also have the same outlook. Not because they’re shows about women, but because they’re unfailingly truthful. Both shows point out life’s idiosyncrasies.

My biggest pet peeve surrounds women’s clothes on TV. If I wore half of what most “professional” female characters wear on TV, I’m certain my manager would send me home. I loved that Mindy’s best friend mocked Mindy’s denim corset top, horn-rimmed glasses and fitted blazer as porno wear. While in TV land, her outfit says “professional woman,” in the real world, it says, “I charge $150 per hour.”

My second pet peeve surrounds female relationships. I have a friend who dates jerk after jerk. But, she doesn’t know how to stop dating them and typically winds up in long-term relationship after long-term relationship with guys she partially considers dodgy. That’s basically’s Jess’s scenario. She’s a serial dater. Even when she sees issues with the guy of the hour, she pushes her doubts aside to focus on the positive … until she can’t focus on that anymore. I love that New Girl incorporated that fixation tendency of humankind with Jess’ latest piece of the week.

5. They have the same wardrobe

Somewhere network executives decided that female leads in comedy series could only wear brightly colored clothes. While Mindy’s style is more of a stylized professional with colors, a cross between what New Girl’s Cece and Jess wear, many of Mindy’s wardrobe choices wouldn’t look out-of-place in Jess’ closet and vice versa.

Final Verdict

While the Mindy Project and the New Girl aren’t carbon copies of each other, they share common core ingredients. Does that make Mindy Project a copy of New Girl? Hmmm … Remember when Jess met Paul’s new girlfriend, who looked, acted and sounded like her … except she was Asian? Well, Mindy Project isn’t Asian New Girl. Sure, they share similar character constructs, similar plots and a love of irreverence, but they’re both good TV and good TV is hard to find. So, even if they’re similar, I don’t care. I’d rather have two original shows that look like each other on the surface — but have sincerity and hilarity underneath — than one original show *cough* Friends *cough* with watered down copies peppered throughout.

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