There is probably just as much folly in trying to review The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies as there was in making three movies out of a very slim volume of a book. If you’re a fan of the films, you’ll see it no matter what some critic says, and if you’re not a fan there’s nothing I or anyone else could say to convince you to see it (and who would go see the third part of a trilogy without seeing the first two parts anyway?).

The plot, in a nutshell, picks up exactly where we left off in The Desolation of Smaug. The fearsome dragon is launching an all-out attack on Laketown, Gandalf is still imprisoned somewhere, and Thorin and his compatriots are hoping to reclaim their land, their home, their birthright once Smaug is dispatched. Once that happens, everyone in Middle-earth shows up to claim the land (and the treasure) for themselves. There’s bloodshed, there is death, there are tears, but in the end can this trilogy stand up next to The Lord of the Rings? In a word, no. Think Star Wars Episodes I-III compared to Episodes IV-VI (but maybe not quite that bad).

The Good

• The best thing in this movie is Richard Armitage’s performance as Thorin. He grieves for the lives lost in Laketown, then succumbs to the madness of Smaug’s treasure, turning on his friends whom he believes may have stolen the Arkenstone, and descends further into madness before coming to his senses and joining the battle to save his homeland. Armitage gets to run the gamut of emotions here and it is some fine work indeed.
• Martin Freeman is also very good in what little he has to do. His big moment really comes as he tries to talk Thorin down from his madness, but even though the movie is called The Hobbit, it’s really not about our friend Bilbo by this point.
• The destruction of Laketown is a harrowing, dramatic, thrilling moment of filmmaking that will have you on the edge of your seat.
• During Gandalf’s rescue, the moment Galadriel shows that she can kick everyone’s asses if she really wanted to, the psychedelic showdown between she and Sauron, and Saruman’s own kick-ass moves.
• The beautifully edited final descent into madness of Thorin before snapping back to reality, and his battle on the ice with Azog.
• Billy Connolly’s late arrival as Thorin’s cousin.
• The closing theme sung by original Hobbit Billy Boyd.

The Bad

• Almost every plot thread left dangling at the end of part two is pretty much wrapped up within the first half hour or so of part three. Smaug is dispatched rather quickly, Gandalf is rescued and I’m still not even quite sure why he was caged in the first place (or by who), elves show up and a name is dropped just to connect these films to the LOTR trilogy. There is very little plot leading up to the titular event outside of Thorin’s madness.
• After Smaug is killed (is that a spoiler?), it seems that everyone in Middle-earth just shows up at Thorin’s doorstep to collect what they believe is theirs. How did the elves, the orcs and all the others know so quickly that the Lonely Mountain was now vacant? I remember that sweeping scene of fire signals being lit across the mountaintops in one of the original LOTR movies, but there’s nothing like that here. It’s like everyone got a text that read “Ding-dong the dragon’s dead.”
• Five armies is really too many to keep track of during a battle, which takes up way too much of the movie’s running time. It’s easy enough to keep track of the characters we know, but who they’re fighting most of the time is just a jumble.
• Again, too little plot, too much fighting. And some of the CGI looks almost unfinished.

In my humble opinion, The Desolation of Smaug was the best entry in the trilogy because it moved the story along after the deadly dull meandering of the first movie. This one drops the ball a bit because we know many of the characters do survive into the next/original trilogy. There are, however, three surprising deaths (at least to those who haven’t read the book, and may not even be in the book) that do hit hard emotionally. Outside of Armitage’s terrific performance, it’s these moments that give the movie the heart and emotion it desperately needs.

And as you deal with those tragedies, the film closes with a hauntingly beautiful but sad song that really feels like we’re saying goodbye to a group of characters and a world we’ve come to know over these last fourteen years. It’s those moments that I wish the rest of the movie would have had (and perhaps it will in the inevitable extended edition) because it was those moments that had me nearly sobbing as the credits rolled past. Saying goodbye to Middle-earth was more emotional than most of the movie, and I almost feel that the movie didn’t earn that reaction (but I’m a softy).

The Battle of the Five Armies isn’t the worst of the trilogy and it isn’t the best. It certainly demonstrates the folly of stretching a single book into three films, but I suppose we should applaud Peter Jackson’s tenacity in getting these films made. Now here’s hoping he focuses on something a little smaller in scale to recharge his creative batteries.

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ALL PASSES HAVE BEEN CLAIMED. COMMENTS ARE CLOSED.

CliqueClack has partnered with Warner Bros. Pictures to offer readers in Boston and Hartford an opportunity to attend an advance screening of Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies.

As he succumbs to dragon-sickness, the King Under the Mountain, Thorin Oakenshield, sacrifices friendship and honor in his search for the legendary Arkenstone. Unable to help Thorin see reason, Bilbo is driven to make a desperate and dangerous choice, not knowing that even greater perils lie ahead. An ancient enemy has returned to Middle-earth. Sauron, the Dark Lord, has sent forth legions of Orcs in a stealth attack upon the Lonely Mountain. As darkness converges on their escalating conflict, the races of Dwarves, Elves and Men must decide—unite or be destroyed. Bilbo finds himself fighting for his life and the lives of his friends as five great armies go to war.

The screenings will take place on Wednesday, December 10, 7:30 PM at Regal Fenway in Boston and Buckland Hills in Hartford.

A limited number of passes will be available on a first come, first served basis. To be eligible, please read and follow the directions CAREFULLY. There will be no exceptions.

• Comment on this post ONLY with either BOSTON or HARTFORD. Do not include anything else in the comment box. If you make a mistake, do not edit your comment because it will not register. You must submit a new comment.
• Include your FULL NAME (First and Last) and email address on the entry form (NOT in the comment box!). Double check your email address before submitting. If your email address is misspelled, you will not receive passes.
• ONE entry per person or couple will be accepted. CliqueClack has the right to discard any duplicates or comments that appear to be duplicates. Multiple comments from a single person will result in complete disqualification. Keep these offers fair for everyone!
• Winners will be contacted by email with a code good for up to two passes from GoFoBo.com. Please make sure to set your filters to accept email from @cliqueclack.com.
• Check your calendar before commenting. If you have no intention of using the passes, please don’t leave a comment. If the studios see that passes we are given to award to our readers are not being used, they will not want to offer us passes for future screenings. Please be considerate!

Please note that passes do not guarantee seats at the screening. Seating is first come, first served so plan to arrive early. CliqueClack has no control over the total number of passes distributed, and is not responsible for seating arrangements at the theater.

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies is rated PG-13, and opens December 17.

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVAgTiBrrDA

ALL PASSES HAVE BEEN CLAIMED. COMMENTS ARE CLOSED.

CliqueClack has partnered with Warner Bros. Pictures to offer readers in Los Angeles an opportunity to attend an advance screening of Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies.

As he succumbs to dragon-sickness, the King Under the Mountain, Thorin Oakenshield, sacrifices friendship and honor in his search for the legendary Arkenstone. Unable to help Thorin see reason, Bilbo is driven to make a desperate and dangerous choice, not knowing that even greater perils lie ahead. An ancient enemy has returned to Middle-earth. Sauron, the Dark Lord, has sent forth legions of Orcs in a stealth attack upon the Lonely Mountain. As darkness converges on their escalating conflict, the races of Dwarves, Elves and Men must decide—unite or be destroyed. Bilbo finds himself fighting for his life and the lives of his friends as five great armies go to war.

The screening will take place on Thursday, December 11, 7:30 PM at Regal LA Live, 1000 W Olympic Blvd, Los Angeles.

A limited number of passes will be available on a first come, first served basis. To be eligible, please read and follow the directions CAREFULLY. There will be no exceptions.

• Comment on this post ONLY with the LOS ANGELES. Do not include anything else in the comment box. If you make a mistake, do not edit your comment because it will not register. You must submit a new comment.
• Include your FULL NAME (First and Last) and email address on the entry form (NOT in the comment box!). Double check your email address before submitting. If your email address is misspelled, you will not receive passes.
• ONE entry per person or couple will be accepted. CliqueClack has the right to discard any duplicates or comments that appear to be duplicates. Multiple comments from a single person will result in complete disqualification. Keep these offers fair for everyone!
• Winners will be contacted by email. Please make sure to set your filters to accept email from @cliqueclack.com.
• Check your calendar before commenting. If you have no intention of using the passes, please don’t leave a comment. If the studios see that passes we are given to award to our readers are not being used, they will not want to offer us passes for future screenings. Please be considerate!

Please note that passes do not guarantee seats at the screening. Seating is first come, first served so plan to arrive early. CliqueClack has no control over the total number of passes distributed, and is not responsible for seating arrangements at the theater.

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies is rated PG-13, and opens December 17.

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVAgTiBrrDA

THIS CONTEST IS CLOSED. WINNERS WILL BE NOTIFIED BY EMAIL.

CliqueClack has partnered with Warner Bros. Pictures to offer readers in Baltimore and DC an opportunity to attend an advance screening of Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies.

As he succumbs to dragon-sickness, the King Under the Mountain, Thorin Oakenshield, sacrifices friendship and honor in his search for the legendary Arkenstone. Unable to help Thorin see reason, Bilbo is driven to make a desperate and dangerous choice, not knowing that even greater perils lie ahead. An ancient enemy has returned to Middle-earth. Sauron, the Dark Lord, has sent forth legions of Orcs in a stealth attack upon the Lonely Mountain. As darkness converges on their escalating conflict, the races of Dwarves, Elves and Men must decide—unite or be destroyed. Bilbo finds himself fighting for his life and the lives of his friends as five great armies go to war.

The screening will take place on Wednesday, December 10, 7:00 PM at the following locations:

• Regal Majestic Stadium 20 & IMAX, 900 Ellsworth Dr., Silver Spring, MD
• Cinemark Egyptian 24 and XD, 7000 Arundel Mills Circle, Hanover, MD

A limited number of passes will be available through a random drawing. To be eligible, please read and follow the directions CAREFULLY. There will be no exceptions.

• Comment on this post ONLY with the location of your choice: HANOVER or SILVER SPRING. Do not include anything else in the comment box. If you make a mistake, do not edit your comment because it will not register. You must submit a new comment.
• Include your FULL NAME (First and Last) and email address on the entry form (NOT in the comment box!). Double check your email address before submitting. If your email address is misspelled, you will not receive passes.
• ONE entry per person or couple will be accepted. CliqueClack has the right to discard any duplicates or comments that appear to be duplicates. Multiple comments from a single person will result in complete disqualification. Keep these offers fair for everyone!
• Winners will be contacted by email. Please make sure to set your filters to accept email from @cliqueclack.com.
• Check your calendar before commenting. If you have no intention of using the passes, please don’t leave a comment. If the studios see that passes we are given to award to our readers are not being used, they will not want to offer us passes for future screenings. Please be considerate!

Drawing will be held on Sunday, December 7th.

Please note that passes do not guarantee seats at the screening. Seating is first come, first served so plan to arrive early. CliqueClack has no control over the total number of passes distributed, and is not responsible for seating arrangements at the theater.

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies is rated PG-13, and opens December 17.

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVAgTiBrrDA

If you’re looking for yet another review of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, please check out my thoughts from the original theatrical release. Short version: hated the first movie, really enjoyed the second. The film succeeds on ever level where the first one failed. And now Warner Brothers has released the theatrical version on several home video formats … with an extended edition sure to follow (think closer to Christmas).

So how does the film fare on the smaller home screen? Warner Home Video was kind enough to furnish CliqueClack with a Blu-ray 3D/Blu-ray/DVD combo pack for review, and I have to say the results are nothing short of spectacular. The 1080p/AVC-encoded Blu-ray video is sharp and colorful, and even though the film is much darker than the first, none of the detail of Murkwood, for instance, gets lost. The MVC-encoded 3D Blu-ray also shares the same high quality image and brings the beautiful theatrical 3D presentation to the home screen with both amazing depth of field and objects extending beyond the screen’s frame. This is one of the best of the best 3D presentations on Blu-ray. It should be noted that the film is contained on a single Blu-ray disk in 2D and is given some breathing room spread over two disks in 3D.

The film’s DTS-HD Master Audio 7.1 also replicates the theatrical presentation, keeping dialog centered and clear while using the surround field to totally immerse you in the film’s environment. The film’s score is lush but never intrusive and the sub-woofer will get a real workout when necessary. This really is reference quality for cinephiles. The DVD’s picture quality suffers in comparison, but considering the difference between the HD and SD formats, it’s still a perfectly fine representation of the film, though not quite as detailed and sharp. The DVD audio, however, gets the job done.

The Blu-ray package is packed with extras. The single Blu-ray disk and the first 3D disk include the documentary New Zealand: Home of Middle-Earth, Part 2, which is basically a tourism package to hype New Zealand highlighting the film’s locations (the first part was also infamously included on the Man of Steel Blu-ray). This short has a running time of 7:11.

A separate bonus disk in the Blu-ray packages includes the following extras:

Featurettes

• “Peter Jackson Welcomes You to the Set” (40:36) – A behind the scenes look at production of the film from early morning calls for make-up, set dressing, rehearsals, VFX, meals and wrapping the shoot. The prosthetic application is fascinating to watch, and you’re struck by how happy and civilized everyone is and the genuine sense of camaraderie that existed during the very long shoot.
• I See Fire music video (5:42)
• “Live Event: In the Cutting Room” (37:52) — The recorded version of the live streaming event that was originally available to owners of the first Hobbit DVD or Blu-ray, with Jackson and some cast and crew giving an advance peek at the second movie.

Production Videos (with Play All option) – previously available online

• “Production Video #11: Introduction to Pick-ups Shooting, July 2, 2013″ (9:06) — A look at basically re-assembling the production for pick-up shots after the end of principle photography 6 or 7 months earlier, including prepping for The Battle of Five Armies in movie three.
• “Production Video #12: Recap of Pick-ups, Part 1 – November 5, 2013″ (8:20) — Vlog covers about 10 weeks of pick-up shoots for second and third films, and some post-production. Gandalf flubs his lines too. Crew members had to watch for planes taking off and relay the information back to set so a shot wasn’t ruined.
• “Production Video # 13: Recap of Pick-ups, Part 2 – December 5, 2013″ (8:46) — Filming covers the introduction of Smaug, but no one still knows what he looks like, and connecting a scene in Laketown which was shot a year earlier.
• “Production Video # 14: Music Scoring, December 20, 2013″ (10:28) — Howard Shore discusses the score for the film.

Trailers

• Trailer #1
• Trailer #2
• The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug preview
• The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey extended edition trailer
• Lego The Hobbit game trailer
• The Hobbit: Kingdoms of Middle-Earth game trailer

The DVD in the combo pack only includes the New Zealand: Home of Middle-Earth, Part 2 feature.

If you didn’t like the first movie, this one is certainly worth giving a look and perhaps one will re-assess the first. For Hobbit/LOTR/Jackson completists and Blu-ray/3D afficianados, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug is definitely one of the finest Blu-ray presentations of the year thus far. The film is available on several home video formats on April 8, and can be purchased through the links below.

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//www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsZtp9eiPMA

I really hated The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. I’ve never read the book, so it didn’t bother me that it wasn’t the book, or was a mish-mash of the book and appendices and other non-Hobbit material. No, I just hated it because it was long and boring and just meandered to nowhere with battle after battle that did nothing but show off the special effects crew’s CGI wizardry, and gave audiences little in the way of story or characters. I also really hated the 48 frames-per-second (HFR) projection which made the whole thing look like a really bad video production. Which also made me nauseous.

So it was with much trepidation that I went into the second film in the trilogy, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. Thankfully, we were not subjected to the HFR 3D version, but we did get to see it in 3D. Now the movie at least looks like it belongs with the original Lord of the Rings trilogy, so points were earned right at the start. And the movie grabbed me right from the beginning with a prologue set prior to the events seen in the first film, with Gandalf (Ian McKellan) meeting Thorin (Richard Armitage) and setting him about his journey to reclaim his land and his kingdom from the dragon Smaug (voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch).

The story then picks up where we left off in the last one with Thorin, his dwarf companions and the Hobbit Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman) making their way to the Lonely Mountain. They must cross the dark, dangerous forest Mirkwood – without the aid of Gandalf, who is called off on another mission – while evading the dangerous, giant spiders that reside there, deal with their imprisonment by the elves (led by Legolas, who isn’t in the book, and Tauriel, who is simply made up for the movie), and pass through Lake-town before getting to the mountain. Meanwhile, Gandalf is off trying to deal with the Necromancer, who was barely seen in the first film, so we still don’t know what part he plays in this story.

And then there is Smaug. He doesn’t make his appearance until about midway through the movie, but the wait is worth it. Smaug is a fierce creature with a silky smooth voice who will do anything it takes to protect his treasure. He’s like Gollum and the ring, times a thousand, although he’s anything but deranged. The cat and mouse game between Smaug and Bilbo is written and staged terrifically, and the CGI effects are some of the most realistic seen yet on screen (you can actually see the skin on Smaug’s wings stretch as he climbs a wall). But with Smaug’s awakening and seeming failure to keep his treasure safe, the denizens of Lake-town are put in jeopardy … and we’re given a helluva cliffhanger.

Everything I hated about An Unexpected Journey has been corrected in The Desolation of Smaug. While the first movie focused more on Bilbo, this one is all about Thorin and his quest to return home. Richard Armitage gives a terrific performance buried under a ton of hair and special effects to become the dwarf king, making you root for him to get into the mountain and reclaim his throne. But we also see a dark side to him at one point, making Bilbo wonder if the things Smaug told him about his place with the dwarfs was true.

Armitage is almost upstaged by Ken Stott as the elderly dwarf Balin. Balin’s obviously been around awhile and he has the most wisdom of them all, and also the most compassion … and he knows exactly how to sweet talk his way into securing passage on a boat to Lake-town. Stott’s performance was just really authentic, filled with a range of emotions and, even in dire situations, never loses that twinkle in his eye.

Director Peter Jackson keeps the pace moving much more briskly than the first movie, juggling multiple storylines and keeping the big action scenes to a minimum (and it’s no surprise that the film looks and sounds amazing, even with the overly bombastic score). But, being the second chapter of a trilogy, some may find the film a bit unsatisfying as it presents more questions than answers and leaves us hanging with no resolution to Thorin’s quest. Why did Galadriel (Cate Blanchett) instruct Gandalf to seek out the Necromancer (also Cumberbatch)? What part do Bard (Luke Evans) and the Master of Lake-town (Stephen Fry) play in the story? What is it that the elf king Thranduil (Lee Pace) really wants from Smaug’s treasure trove of gold and jewels? Will dwarf Kili (Aidan Turner) survive and have a romance with elf Tauriel (Evangeline Lilly)? There really is a lot going on in this movie, and even at two hours, forty-five minutes, it still feels like half the running time of the first movie. It never gets boring, that’s for sure.

Of course, the purists are still not going to be happy that the movies are not the book, but anyone who really disliked the first movie should at least find more to like in this one. I had much trepidation going in, but even as the last scene cut to black with Bilbo saying, “What have we done?”, I was more than ready to see more right then and there. But we have one more year and one more film to go before Jackson wraps up his second Tolkien trilogy, and based on what he’s brought to The Desolation of Smaug, I’m now more than anxious to go There and Back Again.

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I’m not quite sure why I keep doing this to myself. Maybe it’s because I really, really want to love The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. Maybe I just want to further understand why — oh, why — the beloved source material needs to extend to three movies instead of one. Whatever the reason, I’ve once again put myself through a viewing of the film, though this time it’s extended to, well, the extended version.

First let me note that I loved the Lord of the Rings trilogy, both the books and the movies. Admittedly, I know the movies took some liberties and strayed some from the books, but it’s safe to say the majority of Tolkien fans were pretty OK with that. For me, I was really OK with it, and in fact I was all over watching extended footage when it came out. Three books, covering three enormous books — of course there’s going to be extra stuff that may not have made it into the films. Totally understandable.

When the news came out that writer/director Peter Jackson was splitting The Hobbit into three films, I know I wasn’t alone in wondering “W in T ever-loving F is he doing?!” How can ONE book need three films to cover (and let’s not get into the appendices and The Silmarillion material — this movie series is called “The Hobbit,” so why is it anything more?). Yet Jackson is doing this in three movies, and on top of that he wasn’t given enough time to add all he wanted in the first film. I wouldn’t call myself a purist to the source material at all, but there’s a point where the liberties taken are just too freakin’ much.

All of that complaining aside, the extended footage here is worthwhile material to watch, though there is not much of it. Within the disc menus it’s clear which scenes are completely new ones and which were modified or appended to with new material. Three of the new scenes in particular stood out from anything else:

• More details into the Fall of Erabor, which isn’t part of the original book at all really but was fun to watch.
• A scene in Rivendell that is actually rather important to framing Thorin’s fall into an almost madness for gold, and a deep discussion with  Saruman regarding the one ring and the Necromancer.
• A heck of a lot more Goblin King, including a lengthy song.

The extra features are aplenty, including the commentary tracks you’d expect from the filmmakers. Then there are quite a few making-of featurettes that will keep you busy for hours, from the early days of drawing up the ideas for the film(s) through the final days of shooting. I found the one regarding Radagast the Brown to be most interesting, since this is one character so outside of The Hobbit story that I had to know why he was thrown in. Peter Jackson telling the crew of his idea of Radagast being pulled with giant rabbits was somewhat comical, as the looks on their faces seemed to say, “I better keep my mouth shut or be out of a job.” Also, seeing the various ideas for the other not-in-The-Hobbit character Azog was worth a watch for sure.

Overall I’d say the extended version of The Hobbit is only worthwhile to those who found the movie incredible enough that you simply have to see what more they cut from the already-long film. Even then, I’d wait for the trilogy to come out in a few years and get the extent of all that footage in one fell swoop.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Extended Edition is now available in stores.

[The above review was made possible by a distributor-provided review copy of the media.]

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Let me start by warning you that this is more of a movie review than a review of the Blu-ray version of the movie. I’ll get to that later in the post, but for now I’ve got some venting to do.

A couple of years ago I introduced my then 6-year-old son to the world of Middle Earth. I’d already read J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit once many years ago, so reading it aloud again for my son was a joy. It was nice to have the story fresh in my head again, with the knowledge that a film version was in the works. For each of the previous Peter Jackson films, I’d made a point of going out and seeing them in the theater, the morning of their release. I didn’t see why The Hobbit was going to be any different. I was pretty damned excited.

Then word came out that Jackson decided The Hobbit was too vast and complex to consist of merely one film. So it was decided that it’d be two films. Alright, I guess a couple of two-hour films could make sense, if he couldn’t fit the whole book into three. I even wrote about my thoughts on where the movies might split. Once that two movies became three movies, my faith in what was going to be included in these films shattered a bit. Was this really being done to include every little detail from that one book, or was it just a means for making more money?

After watching The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, I’m thinking Peter Jackson didn’t decide to make The Hobbit into three movies for money alone, nor to be 100% faithful to the book, but to tell The Hobbit how he thought it should be told; Tolkien be damned. And maybe I’d be OK with that if what he actually produced was truly better, but it’s really mostly crap. And a lot of it.

Firstly, the movie took me three fucking nights to get through. Yeah, I’m not a spry 20- or even 30-something anymore, but I can stay up with the best of ‘em when I want to. And, for this, I really did want to. The problem for me came in that first hour, where we were introduced to characters we’d barely heard mention of. We learn of Azog, the Pale Orc, who was mentioned in one sentence in The Hobbit; yet, in the movie, he plays a huge, pivotal role. And don’t get on me about supporting stories from The Silmarillion and even The Lord of the Rings — this is The Hobbit we’re talking about, and Azog simply did not appear. At all. Yeah, he’s damn cool, but what the hell’s he doing there? But the worst part of that first hour was that it takes longer than that for Bilbo to even leave The Shire! I was falling asleep!

Where in The Lord of the Rings movies some were upset that Jackson omitted some characters and details, it’s the numerous additions that Jackson made to The Hobbit that are truly bothersome. There’s the aforementioned Azog, and then there’s the completely absurd Radagast the Brown. Like Azog, Radagast is mentioned in one sentence in the book, yet he appears in several key scenes in the movie where he’d never appeared before. And he’s just silly stupid. To add insult to injury, he’s being pulled around on a wooden sled through woods and fields by rabbits. What in the holy hell? I’d start in on the mountain giants next, but at least they made some sort of tiny appearance in the book … actually, that’s stretching it too.

I really would rather not get into the details of every issue I had with the movie, because, for one thing, I’m sure it must have been said by many before me at this point. Secondly, I get that a movie is supposed to be fun and entertaining, that this is all fiction and fantasy; I get all of that. What I don’t get is how anyone would consider this the same caliber of film as any of The Lord of the Rings films, nor how any of the additional scenes were necessary or even beneficial. It only seems to point out that Peter Jackson didn’t like how Tolkien told the story of The Hobbit, so he decided to change it. And then, “screw you, movie-goers! I’m going to make you sit through another SIX HOURS of MY telling of this tale because you love me! And if you don’t, nerd hordes will mob you and sit on you until you pop! And now you can buy even more toys, like the Radagast and Azog action figures! Wuahahaa!”

Yeah, I may have stayed up too late again.

I never thought I’d call a Peter Jackson movie crap, never mind taking the time to do so publicly; but The Hobbit was a complete let down. Though I’d probably hold off on showing my son the movie due to his age anyway, I’d rather he make the decision himself to see it many years from  now on his own, as I just don’t want to ruin the great story we just read a couple years ago by presenting it to him myself. Do you teach a kid that age that it’s OK to take another’s beloved work and modify it to near nonrecognition? That you shit all over another’s work with a white orc with a chopped off arm because it’s cooler looking? It’s certainly not the first time it’s happened, but, for me, it’s the latest, and it disappoints the hell out of me. At least Chuck agreed it wasn’t a great effort.

As for the rest of the Blu-ray, there’s not a whole lot to celebrate, to be honest. Besides the film itself, there’s a special features disc with all of the film’s trailers, as well as all of Jackson’s video blogs he’d done throughout the filming progress. There’s a small featurette about New Zealand and the movie’s locations, as well as some trailers for the different games based on the movie (of which I’m sure there will be even more, with two movies still to come).

This particular Blu-ray, at least, was not 3D, though I admit I did notice some of those “artifacts” some complained about when watching it in the theater, when it was shown in 48 FPS. Some had said some things looked “too real” — or something to that effect. I had forgotten about that complaint until I started watching the Blu-ray, and noticed a few scenes where things just didn’t look quite right. Was it an artifact of the different frame rate, being carried over to Blu-ray, or just a different filming style altogether?

The Blu-ray and DVD releases of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey arrive in stores this Tuesday.

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Wow, has it really been nine years since The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King was released? It really doesn’t seem that long, but it does seem like it’s been an eternity since the wheels started turning on production of The Hobbit, what with the rights feuds, a studio bankruptcy, and a director withdrawing even before the first frame was shot. But now it’s here, at least the first of three chapters, and the big question is: was it worth the wait?

The answer is neither yes nor no, as the first chapter in the new trilogy is resoundingly average. I remember being enraptured by the first Lord of the Rings movie from the very beginning; the look, the style, the music … everything about it just drew you into the world of Middle Earth. Since we’ve all been there, settling into a viewing of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, should be like settling into a comfy couch. You certainly know what to expect style-wise with Peter Jackson once again behind the camera, and even the story should have some familiarity to it, since we’re re-connecting with some characters we already know from the previous films (even though this one takes place sixty years earlier).

Unfortunately, what Jackson has done by taking a simple, single-volume children’s story and turning it into a nine-hour epic has made the movie overly bloated and episodic, especially during the first hour when we’re meeting the thirteen dwarfs and getting side stories that sometimes do not have any bearing on the main story at hand. For instance, Gandalf (Ian McKellan) tells the story of another wizard, Radagast the Brown (Sylvester McCoy) and his discovery of a necromancer destroying nature all around him. This side story intrudes on the main story, as Gandalf brings news of the necromancer to Elrond (Hugo Weaving), Galadriel (Cate Blanchett), and Saruman (Christopher Lee) who dismisses it as just a man playing with magic. Of course, the necromancer will obviously play into the story, as Benedict Cumberbatch was cast in the role (and he’s credited, but never seen in the movie).

The main plot of the book is there, though, between all of the extra stuff Jackson has added. Bilbo Baggins (a terrific Martin Freeman) is enlisted by Gandalf to join a band of dwarfs on their quest to regain their homeland — and gold — from the dragon Smaug. Along the way, they have to battle orcs, goblins, and trolls, and after getting separated from the group during an underground battle with the goblins, Bilbo meets up with a strange creature, Gollum (Andy Serkis), and comes in possession of that magical, golden ring. It’s here that the movie finally kicks into gear with Serkis’ amazing performance. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences really needs to rethink their acting categories to include motion capture performances like this, because even though the actor is replaced by a fully realized CG character, his performance is just stunning (and the advances in CG rendering since the last movie have grown by leaps and bounds, making this the most realistic Gollum yet).

Unfortunately, the movie ends just as it’s really getting started with the band of travelers seeing their destination for the first time off in the distance. What The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey ends up being is a three-hour origin story that we have to wait a year to see how it pans out. Another problem I had was that the whole thing felt like Jackson was just indulging himself. It took a while for the LOTR films to show us some major battles, but The Hobbit has at least three! The effects are incredible, but it all seemed like a bit of overkill and padding. The story has gotten completely lost amongst all the pageantry. More time should have been spent getting to know the dwarfs, the camaraderie, the journey, instead of just throwing one battle after another at us (and don’t get me started on the pointless rock giants fight scene that only served to show off more CGI wonders). As it is, by the end of the movie, you really don’t care one way or another about Thorin’s (Richard Armitage) quest to get back to his home, and with most of the plot points from the book already included in this movie, you have to wonder how much more padding is to come. I fear that the Hobbit trilogy is going to go down in film history as the new Star Wars prequels trilogy.

Another point that needs to be made – at least for those planning to check out the film in the new High Frame Rate 3D edition – is that despite what Jackson and the studio have to say about the process, it really did not serve the film well at all. Yes, the picture is probably the sharpest and clearest you’ve ever seen on a big screen, and the CGI characters all look more real than ever before, but it just looks like you’re watching a big screen version of some old BBC video production from the 1970s (and a modern video game during the battle scenes). The original trilogy had a beautiful look and depth to them — a truly epic scale — but the 48 frames-per-second of video (film normally runs at 24 fps and video at 30 fps) actually makes the movie look cheap and flat, even in 3D! There’s a shot of the band of dwarfs, Bilbo and Gandalf looking across a chasm at Rivendell and it looks like they’re staring at a painting. I don’t know how this will all look when projected at a normal frame rate on film (or in IMAX), and I can appreciate Jackson’s attempts at trying something new (and I shudder to think what Avatar 2 will look like if James Cameron can get the frame rate up to 60 fps), but I think the experiment is a failure (and it doesn’t help if you’re prone to motion sickness … I was still dizzy six hours after leaving the theater and had to resort to Sea Bands to keep from hurling my popcorn about twenty minutes in). Hopefully Jackson can fine tune the effect over the next year and bring a little more depth to the film overall when The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug hits theaters in 2013. The opening chapter, though, is just a bit meh.

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Remember when one novel could be made into one film? Well there was a time — a time before studios insisted on splitting single books into two or even three different movies. With the recent news about The Hobbit becoming three films, it’s time to address this trend.

The problem with this practice is that, like so many things, it’s motivated purely by money. What’s particularly cynical about it is that filmmakers deny this, claiming that the decision to make one novel into several films is somehow an artistic one.

Peter Jackson claimed that the reason for The Hobbit becoming a trilogy of films was to get more of the book onto the screen; “Do we take this chance to tell more of the tale? And the answer from our perspective as the filmmakers, and as fans, was an unreserved ‘yes.’” What about as business people? Of course they want to make as much money as possible, and The Hobbit is a cash cow. Or a cash … oliphaunt? I don’t know, I don’t really like The Lord of the Rings. The point is, it’s a guaranteed money-maker, so obviously they want to milk it dry. But what’s objectionable is claiming that it’s for the benefit of the fans, when the reality is that the fans are just being used; there’s something quite deceptive and even nasty about that.

Those who defend the decision to split single books into multiple movies argue that it is important to be as faithful to the book as possible, and one film is simply not long enough to do justice to the detail of the novel. This does make for an interesting debate about just how faithful a movie adaptation needs to be. This is often made difficult by confusion over what we mean by “faithful.”

An adaptation should be faithful in its retention of themes and tone, but in terms of plot, detail and even characters, it needn’t be particularly faithful at all. Books and films are very different, and if you can’t fit every aspect of a novel into a movie, then don’t. Part of the art of narrative is working out what and what not to include. If you have to divide your adaptation into several parts, you have failed.

It’s understandable that fans of books would be protective of their content and would want every detail intact after the transition to the big screen. But it’s important to realise that art is versatile; look at Andrea Arnold’s Wuthering Heights from last year. It omitted about half the book, and as a result was a focused and beautiful piece of cinema. Apart from the Mumford & Sons song at the end, obviously.

In any case, The Hobbit is only about 300-400 pages long; making that into three films seems ridiculous, especially when you consider that Joe Wright’s new adaptation of Tolstoy’s 800-page Anna Karenina fits into a single film.

Meanwhile, the final Harry Potter book was made into two films, the first of which was totally redundant, as absolutely nothing happened. Mind you, the first seven Harry Potter films were totally redundant. But that penultimate waste of time made the whole decision to split up that last book seem particularly greedy, and sneering with it. And I’ve not read the Twilight books, but I refuse to believe for a second that there’s enough of worth in there to justify dividing the last book into two films. But then teenage girls have a lot of money, and if Stephenie Meyer wants to exploit that while instilling in them a profound sense of gender-based inferiority, then who am I to judge.

My favourite movie adaptations of novels (Fight Club, American Psycho, A History of Violence … yes it’s a graphic novel, but it counts) all fit into single films while leaving the heart of the books well and truly intact. A film is not a book, and art tends to be at its best when trying something different. So stop wringing out every last commercial drop from these pieces of literature like George Lucas if he could read, and stop deceptively claiming that it’s for the fans when they’re the ones being exploited.

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