Okay, let me be clear here — I don’t think this is a bad season of Top Chef. Although that’s really entirely due to the legitimate talent and interesting conchefstants, despite the nonsense. The nonsense, I say! What do I mean? As per usual, the season started slow, although there were a few interesting people right off the bat, some of whom are still around. We also had the little twist of three returning chefs, who had … different ways they affected the show.

But for a while, Top Chef seemed so dead set on replicating the magic of last season’s Paul vs That Lady I Forget the Name Of by finding a villain in the group. By which I mean that there was a conchefstant I really didn’t want to win. But the closest we came were the incompetent and abrasive Josie and the arrogantly overconfident Stefan, both “coincidentally” involved with Kristen, the “Eliminated Too Early” chef. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of drama, but on this show I expect the most talented chef to actually get to the end.

Right now we have a pretty interesting final group:

Sheldon, the guy with a highly specific background in Asian dishes, trying to try new things and not always succeeding. And he failed at tempura (drink!) twice!

By the way, if you’ve been doing the Top Chef drinking game, considering all the mentions of shallots, scallops, and fennel, you are now actually dead from alcohol poisoning. But back to the conchefstants:

Josh is the good ol’ Southern boy that finally got called to task on his overuse of bacon which, let’s be honest, was getting tiresome. He’s skilled, but kind of a jerk. If his personality was a bit more outsized, he’d be a better fit for the “villain” category the show has been trying to get.

Brooke is just an all around talent that has only improved as the season has progressed.

A good trio of chefs, each with their own strengths and weaknesses, ideal for a finale. But we also have the silliness of Last Chance Kitchen (a way to get more views on the Bravo website, I guess?), where Kristen has crushed the competition because she’s probably the best actual chef from this season. And yet she was eliminated for being a bit too stubborn, because they just had to keep the clearly less capable Josie around longer — and she was sent home the very next episode. So how’d that work out for you? They couldn’t maintain the illusion of Josie not being the weakest any longer, because she obviously was the worst left.

If I was a cynical viewer, I’d suspect they intentionally send a more talented chef to Last Chance Kitchen to get the ol’ “She Deserves to Be Back” effect! Actually… I think I do suspect that. Curse your cleverness, Top Chef! So the question is whether or not it’ll matter, if Kristen loses next week, it’s an anticlimactic end to a great run. If she wins and comes back, then what? We haven’t had a female winner of the show in a while, and only one at all (Stephanie in Season 3). I think it’s about time. I’ve been suspecting this entire season that they were pushing for a female winner in subtle ways, but now I’m not sure. If Kristen does come back, I’ll feel vindicated on my suspicions, and also glad that my favorite conchefstant of the season is still in it. Oh, and I guess there’s that Save a Chef that’s a transparent way to get more social media interaction, but I’ll only care about that if it affects the finale.

Don’t think I haven’t figured you out Top Chef! You win this round. But if someone doesn’t win that I want to, I’ll be marginally disappointed. The truth is that there isn’t really one you “love to hate” now that Josie’s gone, considering that Josh is actually evolving as a chef. I guess the season hasn’t been so bad after all. Just stop trying so hard Top Chef, it makes you seem desperate.

[easyazon-image align=”none” asin=”B0064S91MK” locale=”us” height=”160″ src=”https://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51%2BmHeMPtnL._SL160_.jpg” width=”123″][easyazon-image align=”none” asin=”B00A7OFQY4″ locale=”us” height=”135″ src=”https://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51Z9VKoLYeL._SL160_.jpg” width=”160″][easyazon-image align=”none” asin=”0811873471″ locale=”us” height=”160″ src=”https://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51sBycccoWL._SL160_.jpg” width=”132″]

Top Chef season ten is in the rainy city of Seattle, known for its coffee and … rain. Oh, and the Space Needle. Look forward to a challenge where the chefs must throw ingredients from the top into some sort of stew below! The first episode introduced us to a boatload (literally!) (not literally!) of conchefstants, impossible to keep track of as individuals instead of faces with knives attached. But now that we have our first “real” set of fifteen conchefstants version two, I am pretty comfortable making these predictions.

This guy … am I right?

Bizarrely inappropriate but decorated chef Wolfgang Puck will continue to make sexist jokes and comments, moving on to racism so subtly we won’t even realize it.  Oh wait, I forgot about his comments to Kuniko. I suppose he’s already there. So I guess he’ll just get worse. He’s a great chef though, right?

Hilarious to watch Carla Pellegrino will accidentally injure someone in the kitchen, and then herself. She will then refuse treatment and pass out due to blood loss. She’s got spirit, I can tell, which pairs well with her accent and clumsiness.

Hmm … Top Chef Model?

Former model Kristen Kish will be put in a position where she must act “like a model.” Don’t think Bravo hasn’t already planned its “bikini chef” challenge, presided over by Padma and Emeril — enjoy that image!

The oddly named Jeffrey Jew will continue to make me wonder if I should be offended at his name, thereby ignoring his actual cooking. Hopefully I’ll get past it.

The South African import Lizzie Binder will make a critical mistake due to her crush on Tom Colicchio, thereby disappointing him. Her greatest fear — but she’ll pull through and get to make her family proud.

Early promoted to executive chef Micah Fields will rue the day he skipped being a sous chef, as Emeril Lagasse will constantly make jokes about it. I have a feeling he’ll still do pretty well at the actual cooking, though.

Kuniko Yagi will be the victim of racist and sexist bullying. A shame, but you can see it coming already.

Fire + Mustache + Knight = Top Chef Awesome

Fire loving Danyele McPherson will accidentally set fire to Josh Valentine’s mustache when he over-waxes it — but Belgian Knight Bart Vandaele will bravely help them out, sacrificing his own dish in the meantime. He gets sent home, albeit with full Belgian honors.

John Tesar will become a redeemed villain, helping out a competitor and still winning a challenge.

The rest of the currently forgettable conchefstants will hopefully become interesting.

And finally, expect host Padma Lakshmi to look really attractive in some sort of “this wouldn’t work on any normal person” outfit. Because some things never change.

[easyazon-image align=”none” asin=”B0085SAI06″ locale=”us” height=”160″ src=”https://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41nxxTbrRsL._SL160_.jpg” width=”134″][easyazon-image align=”none” asin=”B0099SBC88″ locale=”us” height=”160″ src=”https://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51sBycccoWL._SL160_.jpg” width=”132″][easyazon-image align=”none” asin=”0811869946″ locale=”us” height=”113″ src=”https://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41XprDCMCWL._SL160_.jpg” width=”160″]