Trick-or-treating in TV Town

FOX

Everybody loves trick-or-treating, but how awesome would it be to go out on Halloween night in the world of our favorite television shows?

The Bauer Household (24)

Kids: “Trick-or-treat”
Jack [over intercom]: “Chloe? Is that you?”
Kids: “Huh?
Jack [over intercom]: “I need the schematics of this house. I’m sending you the address now. There’s someone at the front entrance.”
Kids: “We just wanted some candy.”
Jack [over intercom]: “Can you run a voice match analysis, too? See if they’re connected to the terrorist attack at the embassy earlier.”
Kids: “Come on, let’s go to the next house.”
Jack [over intercom]: “Not so fast.” [gas comes from doorknob, knocking kids out.] “Chloe, how we coming on that intel?”

Chris’s Household (Everybody Hates Chris)

Rochelle: “Julius, what is this big white bag?”
Julius: “It’s candy.”
Rochelle: “It’s hard as a rock. They look like rocks.”
Julius: “I’m not giving good candy to the kids in this neighborhood.”
Rochelle: “Julius, I will not have these kids telling their mothers that I don’t have real candy at my house. What happened to the M&M’s I bought?”
Julius: “I put those back for Christmas.”
[Knock knock] Kids: “Trick-or-treat.”
Julius: “Just give them one candy apiece.”
Rochelle: [giving handfuls to the kids] “There you go. Oh don’t you look so cute.”
Julius: “Rochelle! That’s twelve cent worth of candy you gave that kid.”
Rochelle: “Shut up, Julius!” [to kids] “Come back later and I’ll give you M&M’s.”
Julius: “You better not be giving out my M&M’s!”

The House Household (House)

The Day Household (Kath & Kim)

Kim: “Mom, there’s kids standing on the porch again.” [To kids] “Go away. You’re lettering.”
Kath: “Well give them some candy, Kim. It’s Halloween.”
Kim: “What candy?”
Kath: “The candy by the door. God, Kim do I have to– What happened to the candy?”
Kim: “I don’t know.”
Kath: “This bowl is empty.”
Kim: “Well God, Mom, I have to eat too.”
Kath: “You ate an entire bowl– Kim, my God, that was a ten pound bag.”
Kim: “Do we have any chips?”

The Hickey Household (My Name is Earl)

Kids: “Trick-or-treat.”
Earl: “Aw, look at those great costumes. And what are you supposed to be?”
Kid: “A prostitute.”
Earl: “Okay. And what are you — Randy, what are you doing?”
Randy: “Trick-or-treat, Earl. Look, I’m an astronaut.”
Earl: “Oh my God, Randy. You put a plastic bag on your head?”
Randy: “I’ve always wanted to go trick-or-treating, Earl. And it’s a space helmet.
Earl: “Randy–“
Randy: “It’s getting kind of hot in here. Can I get that candy now, Earl?”
Earl: “You need to take that bag off your head.”
Randy: “Not so fast, how do I know there’s enough carbon dioxide in the air to breathe?”
Earl: “Come on, Randy.”
Randy: “Oh, I’m seeing stars now, Earl. I told you this was a good costume.”

The Kelly/Reynolds Households (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

Frank: “Charlie, grab that bag of candy over there.”
Charlie: “I’m not going near that bowl.”
Frank: “Why not? There’s kids at the door. Come on.”
Charlie: “Well, give them a can of beer. There’s a case by the door there.”
Frank: “But these beers have been here for four years.”
Charlie: “It’s aged beer, Frank. Beer gets better with age.”
Frank: “No it doesn’t. Wine–“
Charlie: “Frank, I think I know a little bit about beer. I do own a bar.”
Frank: “I own a– Never mind, just get the candy.”
Charlie: “You don’t want me to get that bowl.”
Frank: “Why not. Charlie just get the–“
Charlie: “Because I pissed in the bowl last night, Frank. Are you happy now? I thought it was the piss bucket and I pissed in it.”
Frank: “Are you sure?”
Charlie: “I tried to have some candy for breakfast this morning. I think I’m pretty sure.”
Frank: “Well that’s just great.”
Charlie: “Interestingly, the Tootsie Rolls absorbed a lot more of the flavor than the Sugar Daddys.”
Frank: “You ate more than one?”
Kids: “Trick-or-treat?”
Frank: [Hands the kids ketchup packets] Here, go find some french fries.” [Slams door]