Quotation Marks – Dr. Greene, Liz Lemon and Brainiac

by Jane Boursaw

(Week of Nov. 15, 2008)

“There’s a big learning curve to this whole ghost thing.” – Jim, Ghost Whisperer

“If it’s creepy to use the Internet, military satellites, and robot aircraft to find a house full of gorgeous young models so that I can drop in on them unexpectedly, then fine, I’m creepy.” – Howard, The Big Bang Theory

“When immortality is outlawed, only outlaws will be immortal.” – Hood, Eleventh Hour

“Hey Earl, you look a little surprised to see me. You must have just found out I boned your wife. It’s a look I get a lot.” – Blake (guest star Jason Priestly), My Name Is Earl

“She’s like a human Macarena — something everyone did at parties in 1996.” – Liz Lemon, 30 Rock

“She is staunchly in favor of cocoa puffs.” – Liz Lemon, 30 Rock

“Nobody told you to go and get cancer.” – Dr. Romano to Dr. Greene, via flashback, ER

“Your son died in this ER, and you are working here?” – Morris to Cate Banfield, ER

“Doomsday is coming.” – Brainiac, Smallville

“Brainiac? People used to call me that when I was a kid.” – Chloe, Smallville

“My brain is just a little fried. Literally.” – Chloe, on how it feels to have part of her memories gone, Smallville

“I am one scotch and soda away from the cantina scene in Star Wars.” – Barney, on the table of girls getting less hot with every drink he has, HIMYM

“And that, my friends, is the Cheerleader Effect; also known as the Bridesmaid Paradox, Sorority Girl Syndrome, and for a brief window in the mid ’90s, the Spice Girls’ Conspiracy — Scary Spice, indeed.” – Barney, HIMYM

“Anytime you even hear the word ‘kids,’ you get two little lactation stains on your shirt.” – Robin to Ted, HIMYM

South Park:
“What happened? I thought you were going to kill yourself.” – Kyle
“I tried. Went to sleep in my mom’s car in the garage with the engine turned on.” – Cartman
“But you didn’t die?” – Stan
“Friggin’ hybrids, man. They just don’t do the trick anymore.” – Cartman

“If I had a jock for a son, I’d be the laughing stock of the men’s choir club!” – Mr. Queermo, South Park

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno:
“It’s been a week since the election. How are you doing?” – Jay Leno
“Well, I’ve been sleeping like a baby. Sleep two hours, wake up and cry. Sleep two hours, wake up and cry.” – John McCain

“Who cares about plaque and pretentious artists when your best friend is having a meltdown.” – Blair to Serena, Gossip Girl

“One day you’re a muse, the next, you’re old news.” – Gossip Girl, about Serena, Gossip Girl

“You have an agenda for absolutely everything.” – Eleanor to Blair, Gossip Girl

“I wanted a Harry Winston choker for my birthday. Instead, I got a conscience.” – Blair, Gossip Girl

“You get the prince. I get stuck with the toad.” – Blair, on Serena being with Aaron while she’s stuck with Cyrus dating her mother, Gossip Girl

Dexter:
“How much caffeine have you had?” – Batista
“A metric fuck ton.” – Deb
“Well, you should stop. It’s giving you Turette’s.” – Batista

“We’re not gonna man-hug, are we?” – Dexter, after he and Miguel “make up”, Dexter

“Do I see sheets of plastic in your future?” – Dexter’s voiceover to Ellen, as she’s being completely bitchy surrounding the Albert Chung surrender, Dexter

The Amazing Race:
“Who’s my girl?” – Terence
“You are. No wait, I am!” – Sarah

“I’m easier than a five-year-old’s homework.” – A tipsy Susan to Jackson, Desperate Housewives

“I’m creatively and sexually frustrated. First dates are awesome!” – Jackson to Susan on their “second” first date after Susan says they shouldn’t have sex until Date #4, Desperate Housewives

“You have to decide what your porn names are going to be.” – Andrew to Bree and Orson after revealing that Charlie has a tape of a couple having sex in the kitchen, Desperate Housewives