Real World: Brooklyn – Ryan plays “The Tampon Song”

(Season 21, Episode 3 – “The BFF-O-Meter”)

Things are beginning to heat-up inside Brooklyn manor. Relationships are forming, flirtations are flying and Chet is still a virgin. I have to admit, despite my past reservations, I am beginning to like this cast of eight strangers. Yeah, they’re still whiny and preachy, but they do have something that has been lacking in recent seasons. A little something called “personality.”

It appears there is more than meets the eye to a few of the roomies. Lies have been told, information withheld and deep, dark secrets are yet to surface. Normally by the third episode everyone in the house has already spilled their guts to someone else. Not the case with the Brooklyn crew; they’re keeping some things closely guarded. Dare I say, they are adding an element of mystery to the proceedings. Pardon me while I rub my chin pensively.

Episode three was chock-full of action and intrigue. After the jump I’ll get to the good stuff.

Our story begins with aspiring singer/songwriter Ryan meeting a music manager for Crush Management at a bar owned by Fallout Boy’s Pete Wentz. Gotta love those MTV connects. Later, Ryan, Baya and Chet visit the offices of Crush to talk about their individual ambitions. Chet, who wants to be host, lands a gig interviewing bands; Baya gets a shot to DJ; Ryan is put in contact with a producer named Machine.

Back at the house, Devyn and Scott are waging a war of mixed signals. Devyn can’t quite read ladies man Scott. Apparently, Scott’s hugs are magically delicious and capable of making any woman swoon with a single squeeze. Devyn is thrown into such a froth that she creates a “BFF-O-Meter” to aid in her pursuit of abs-of-steel Scott. Ahhh … young lust. Unfortunately, Devyn’s love train gets derailed once she learns Scott has a special gal back home named Marissa. This little nugget contradicts Scott’s episode one claim that he was single. Oops.

In other news, Katelynn is having problems with boyfriend Mike. He won’t call or return her messages. When they do speak, Mike is curt. Trust me, the “freeze her out” card is played to end relationships. It is a cruel but effective way to cut ties. Katelynn loves the guy and is struggling to let go. As she says, “It takes a strong man to love a transgendered woman.” The prospect of broaching the subject of her sexual identity with future potential boyfriends terrifies her. I can’t imagine a delicate way to bring that up in conversation.

Meanwhile, Ryan meets with Machine for an audition. He brings Chet along for moral support, which proves to be a huge mistake. When Machine asks him to play a song, Ryan seeks Chet’s advice. Ever the dope, Chet suggests a ditty Ryan penned while shitfaced called “The Tampon Song.” The look on Machine’s face is priceless; a combination of horror and shame. Upon listening to what amounts to auditory Ebola, Machine sends Ryan and his goofy sidekick on their way. Ryan tries to take it in stride, but is clearly embarrassed.

A few more observations: Sarah is the house sounding board; Baya’s naughty parts tingle when Ryan plays guitar; Chet has no game; Katelynn has serious game; Scott has the worst collection of shirts I’ve ever seen; Sarah is genuinely nice; JD was largely absent; Ryan and Baya can’t get on the same page about how they feel about each other.

Memorable quote: “I don’t want to get lost in your Silicon Valley.” — Scott, referring to Devyn’s enhanced bosom.

That’s a wrap on episode three. I’ll be back next week to put a bow on episode four. Until then….

Clacked by Scott Tunstall
on Jan 22, 2009 @ 15:30 EST5EDT