This week was ridiculous when it came to quotes. Breaking Bad came back, and while it’s still the most depressing show in the world, it had some good quotes. Plus, we’ve got House, Big Bang Theory, and a great episode of The Office. These are our favorite quotes of the week, but if there are some that you loved, feel free to leave them in the comments.
Breaking Bad
Walter: “I’ve got a better idea.”
Jesse: “Thank god! All right, what is it, Mr. White? Lay it on me.”
Walter: “Beans.”
Jesse: “Beans?”
Walter: “Castor beans.”
Jesse: “So what are we going to do with them? Are we just going to grow a magic beanstalk? Huh? Climb it and escape?”
House
“I agree with Wilson; this guy’s Harry Potter. The sorting hat was going to put Harry in Slytherin based on his nature. He refused, so he ended up in Gryffindor. Through choice.” – Kutner, on patient of the week
House: “Why do you think the world will end in chaos and destruction if you’re not there to save it?”
Wilson: “Because when my parents put me in the rocket and sent me here they said, ‘James, you will grow to manhood under a yellow sun.'”
Big Bang Theory
Leonard: “Well, it seems once again you’re caught between a rock and a crazy place.”
Sheldon: “Oh, I hate when that happens.”
“Normally, around women he has the personality of a boiled potato. Put one beer in him, and he has the personality of M. Knight Charmalarmalon.” — Wolowitz
American Idol
Jorge: “I picked it because I think it fitted my voice a little better than most songs … I wasn’t going to sing ‘Bad’ by Michael Jackson.”
Simon: “Well, you sort of did.”
“It’s fine being artistic — just not on this show.” — Simon.
South Park
Cartman: “Statistically speaking, the most bacteria-ridden place on the planet is the mouth of an American woman, and you’re gonna let that near your penis?”
Kenny: “Yeph! Mwuoohoo!”
Life on Mars
Swinger woman: “Tom Cruise? That’s the name of a man who likes to take
charge. So what are you about?”
Sam: “Me? I’m about, uh, risky business, with the color of money and a
few good men.”
Swinger woman: “… Oh really, I’m sorry. Not my cuppa meat.”
Sam: “No … I didn’t mean … I’ve got all the right moves!”
30 Rock
Passing out and swearing on St. Patrick’s Day? Isn’t anything sacred? – Jack to Jenna and Tracy
Cerie: “You told me to be more proactive.”
Liz: “No. I told you to buy more Proactiv.”
“It has a ham button! You used my idea!” – Liz to Jack, on the pocket microwave
The Office
“I do want credit without any of the blame.” –Michael
“I don’t like getting advice from more than one person at a time. I’m a textbook over-thinker.” — Kevin
“You can’t let a girl feel good about herself; it will backfire on you. Every compliment has to be backhanded: ‘Oh, I like your dress — but I’d like it more if you had prettier hair.'” — Andy
“Look, I’m going to ask you something, and I want you to be honest: What is a pallet?” — Michael
“I am just a net that traps all of your crappy subconscious ideas and adds a little bit of my own childhood memories and whimsy, so…” — Michael
“Well you know what, Jim? It is not my fault that you bought a house to impress Pam. That is why carnations exist.” — Michael
Michael: “Why do you keep a diary?”
Dwight: “To keep secrets from my computer.”
Photo Credit: AMC
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