Reality bites … or at least is wanted for possible murder

I admit it — I watch and love VH1 Celebreality shows (also known as “skankertainment”).  They’re stupid, frothy, fun that are a perfect vacation from my life, my problems, and my sanity. They are also usually among the most conspicuously culturally irrelevant things on TV. Sure, there are things like  How It’s Made that know nobody’s watching them, and then there’s VH1 dating shows, which routinely feature people who are attempting to become the next big thing, like we were introduced to Lady GaGa because she tried to date Brett Michaels, or something.

So imagine my surprise when it turned out that yes, Ryan Jenkins, one of the contestants on Meghan Wants a  Millionaire was relevant — not because he recorded this summer’s hit single (what is this summer’s hit single, anyways?), but because he’s wanted as a person of interest in — wait for it — the salacious murder of his ex-wife.

Man oh mansicles, does it get any better than this? (I mean, obviously, it could, because someone’s dead, but dude! Seriously!)

The murder that Jenkins is wanted for is wonderfully pulpy, too. Already having a rap sheet with alleged physical abuse from his blink-and-you-missed-it marriage to blonde, surgically enhanced model Jasmine Fiore (aw! He’s got a type!), he’s now wanted after her naked, dead body was found stuffed in a trash can this weekend. The last time she was seen alive was playing poker with, you guessed it, Ryan Jenkins. He reported her missing on Saturday and then mysteriously disappeared. That, paired with frequent complaints of Jenkins’ jealousy and physical violence, plus his rap sheet, have police (and anyone who has watched any crime show ever, in their entire life), suspicious.

But this story is just too genius to let die. (Again, not the dead person part — that blows. If this jerkwad’s responsible, I hope he rots in prison while acquiring millions of venereal diseases. Who kills a woman and leaves her naked in a trash can? Who’s sick enough to kill anyone and leave them in a trash can?!) What I think is that this would make a great episode of Psych.

Just imagine it! Two contestants on a highly anticipated reality dating show go missing right before they’re set to film — and air in real time. So the Santa Barbara sends in Shawn and Gus,  undercover, to psychically read what went wrong. While Shawn chats up the bachelors and figures out that one of them killed the guys to better his chances because he was obsessed with the girl, he and Gus engage in petty, jealous shenanigans when it turns out that both of them actually like her. Meanwhile, we have Lassie, sidelined, grumpy, listening to the planted bugs on Shawn and Gus, and Jules, closet giant reality show fan who dreams of having her own dating show secretly, in her heart of hearts. Great episode idea, or greatest episode idea? (Call me, Psych writers!)

Anyway, VH1 has since pulled the plug on Meghan Wants A Millionaire and has not been airing any new episodes (noooo!). Since Ryan also has appeared on the yet-to-be-aired I Love Money 3 (a show so trashy even I draw the line there), there’s talk that they won’t even begin to air that. VH1, as far as I can tell on the interwebs, has released no public statements on what actions they’re going to take, though, so who the hell knows? I suppose until then I shall have to comfort myself with Real Chance of Love 2: Back in the Saddle.

Yee-haw.

Clacked by Julia Hass
on Aug 20, 2009 @ 14:00 EST5EDT