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For the love of God, Lost. That’s not how babies work – Open Letters

Come on, Lost. I will suspend my disbelief for a lot of things on this show, but you really need to explain to me exactly how those children survived with no food source.

Dear Damon and Carlton (I would call you Darlton, but I suppose it’s high time you start getting used to your singular identities once again),

I have watched Lost ever single week since it premiered six seasons ago. I’m not one of those people who ignored it and then got the DVDs in season 4, and is now totally obsessed. I started from the pilot because a desert island show sounded cool, and I was a huge Alias fan who was excited to see Greg Grunberg and Terry O’Quinn on a new series. Six years later, I’m now watching an epic science-fiction series of which I have very little understanding.

That’s not my issue. I decided long ago to simply go along for the ride. I can accept time travel, Kate’s utter and constant stupidity, people who don’t die, talking to dead people, flash sideways, and Ranch dressing that drops from the sky. None of this bothers me. I accept it as part of the narrative you’re trying to tell. You ask the fans to suspend their disbelief in giant ways every single week– and that’s fine. But dammit, Darlton, last night was too much. I can overlook immortality and the fact that Allison Janney has very intricately dyed clothes, but babies aren’t like adults– they can’t survive on wild boar and mangos. They kind of need food.

Babies who have just been born are very fragile. As a parent, your main job in the first few months is simply, “don’t kill them.” You know what makes that edict hard to follow? Bludgeoning their food source with a rock, that’s what. Based on the fact that CJ Cregg and her victim were speaking Latin in the beginning of the episode, I’m assuming that this was supposed to take place in the era of, “a long, long time ago,” despite the fact that the mother’s dress looks like it came from a street fair in 1972.

Here’s the thing about a long, long time ago. There wasn’t baby formula. So, if you don’t have baby formula, and you kill the mother, which kills any chance of breastfeeding, then your baby dies, dude. Granted, some children have survived on other animal milk, mixed with fat and/or protein, but I haven’t seen any cows or goats wandering the island, have you?

Perhaps Crazy Mom milked a polar bear, and that’s why Jacob grew up to be such an imbecile, and The Man In Black grew up to be so hostile (although, I would probably bet that not having a name contributed more to that than simply sucking on the teat of a magical polar bear). Whatever it was, it needed to be addressed.

Some of you may disagree and believe that it’s a relatively insignificant issue in a series that has so many mysteries and unanswered questions, but Christ on a cracker. How am I supposed to put faith in anything, if something as simple as this is overlooked? We devoted at least 10 minutes of the episode to that stupid board game; we couldn’t devote 45 seconds to how this children actually survived in the first place?

Come on, Damon and Carlton. If you’re not paying attention to the details, then why should we?

Sincerely,

A Lost fan who refuses to completely abandon logic

Photo Credit: ABC

Categories: | Features | General | Lost | Open Letters | TV Shows |

11 Responses to “For the love of God, Lost. That’s not how babies work – Open Letters”

May 12, 2010 at 3:02 PM

LOL! I said the EXACT same thing last night while watching that stupidity. Keith even said maybe she was able to lactate b/c some adoptive mothers can get there eventually, but dude, not with twins and no other food source. I personally love it when Lost screws up b/c I can’t stand how seriously this show takes itself.

May 12, 2010 at 3:08 PM

Oddly enough… this is not the first time this question has come up. Someone wrote into the offical Lost podcast and asked them how Aaron survived after Kate took him and Claire disappeared. They theorized that perhaps the island magic caused Kate to start lactating.

Damon and Carlton admitted that they had not thought of that. I’m guessing they didn’t think of it twice. The lactation folks are gonna be pissed!

May 12, 2010 at 3:10 PM

I know! I listened to that podcast, and wondered the exact same thing– especially when they were on that boat after they got off the island! I doubt that thing was stocked with formula. It’s really annoying that this isn’t the first time this has come up, and they’re still “overlooking” the issue.

May 12, 2010 at 3:29 PM

wow, that dilemma was at least 10 min in. i was more taken aback by what happened in the first few minutes: a mother with twins swimming a really far distance to shore after a shipwreck and then walking through a jungle. every mother of a twin i’ve known — especially on the day of delivery — has been exhausted merely walking around, let alone swimming a big distance.

May 12, 2010 at 3:30 PM

Yeah, I would imagine that the adrenaline would kick in in a situation like that, when your life and your babies lives are at stake, so that part wasn’t quite as difficult for me to deal with.

May 12, 2010 at 6:54 PM

Yeah, I was much more bothered by that than the food thing, but then again, I’m a lifeguard, and you’re a mother :)

It wasn’t even the swimming to shore, it was “How long was she underwater” for me. Oxygen depravity, at that stage in the game, is tough. Plus, twins?

May 12, 2010 at 3:48 PM

Sometimes that I like when people more cynical than I make observations such as this that I missed. Why didn’t I notice this?

I did wonder how they got to be so articulate and knowledgeable, even if they didn’t know what “death” was. I was also surprised that they didn’t know about death. Don’t they know about it in relation to animals? It did occur to me that they’d been using animals for food and other (I guess I forgot that babies lack the teeth for chewing, despite the fact that my 7 month old nephew chomps down on my fingers with gums and 4 teeth and hasn’t started on wild boar or polar bears yet).

The “What’s death?” “Something that you never have to worry about” moment lacked enough purpose. Sure it gave us a clue about the future of Jacob, Man in Black and crazy lady who stole them, killed their fetus incubator and raised them but that could have been done better.

I watched it as it was airing (I don’t have cable, so this was a treat) but realized that with repeated viewings I’d observe more.

Maybe their survival is another “island mystery”. :)

May 12, 2010 at 5:21 PM

I love how we are able to rip this episode to shreds on multiple levels :-))

May 12, 2010 at 5:34 PM

I love how in two weeks we will be ripping this show to shreds for many many years to come. lol

I completely agree with the no name thing, I’d be pretty pissed off too.

May 12, 2010 at 6:39 PM

However, that said, everythnig is destiny, so the island kept both the babies alive until their faith and destiny came to be.

Yeah it’s lame, but it’s not any less lame than the new BSG turned out to be.

May 12, 2010 at 6:59 PM

Umm…Yeah. I was so not paying attention to that in any way. But I remember getting PISSED about Aaron’s lack of breastmilk. I guess I’ve just grown complacent. I’ll just blame it on Island Magic, which sounds like some tour Elton John had after Island Girl became a hit single…

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