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Desperate Housewives’ Wisteria Lane is a violent, unlucky place

Stranglings, shootings, hit-and-runs, a tornado, a plane crash, a poisoning, arson, hostage taking, spousal abuse and now a bomb? Is Wisteria Lane the most dangerous (fictional) street in America?

Desperate Housewives Wisteria Lane is a violent, unlucky place [wisteria lane tornado 425x239] (IMAGE)

With previews suggesting that on the season finale of Desperate Housewives a bomb may be detonated and a teenage serial strangler — who has already killed his own mother, as well as several others — has taken the pregnant Lynette Scavo hostage and may have sinister intentions toward good old Lynette, it might be about time that we re-think this whole notion that Wisteria Lane is a great place to raise one’s family.

Just this season alone, an airplane crashed onto the Lane in the middle of a neighborhood Christmas event killing Karl Mayer and paralyzing Orson Hodge, several women have been strangled to death in the town of Fairview (Julie Mayer survived a strangling which occurred when she was taking out the trash) and Nick Bolen was the victim of a hit-and-run, one of several hit-and-run victims from Wisteria Lane over the years.

After combing through the six seasons of Desperate Housewives, I’ve reached a (rather obvious) conclusion: Wisteria Lane may be one of the most dangerous (fictional) streets in America. (And Fairview’s no prize either.) Here’s a list of some of the mayhem that has befallen inhabitants of the Lane and the surrounding area of Fairview in which the Housewives live, work and play:

Assaults/murders/hit-and-runs/poisonings:

— Mary Alice Young killed the biological mother of the child who Mary Alice was raising. The dead woman’s body was put in a toy chest in and buried in Mary Alice’s Wisteria Lane back yard.

— Edie Britt tried to avoid hitting Orson Hodge with her car and got into a car wreck which ended with her getting electrocuted by the downed power line.

— There’ve been seven stranglings, six fatal. Martha Huber was strangled by Paul Young. Dr. Heller was strangled by Dave Williams. Irina, Barbara Orlofsky, a coffee shop waitress and a prostitute were strangled to death by Eddie Orlofsky. Julie Mayer survived Eddie’s attempt to kill her.

— Katherine Mayfair was accidentally shot by Susan Mayer when Katherine was lurking outside of Susan’s house at night.

— Two men were seriously hurt in hit-and-run accidents. Orson Hodge ran down Mike Delfino, who then went into a coma. Patrick Logan ran down Nick Bolen.

— Juanita Solis, Carlos’ mother, was put into a coma after Andrew Van de Kamp hit her with his car and he fled the scene.

— Orson Hodge was drugged by his mother so his ex-wife could sexually assault him.

— Bree Van de Kamp Hodge was drugged by her mother-in-law, Gloria Hodge, who’d planned on staging Bree’s phony suicide.

— Rex Van de Kamp had a fatal heart attack after the local pharmacist, George Williams, had been messing around with Rex’s heart medication.

— Katherine Mayfair shot and killed her abusive ex-husband Wayne Davis in her Wisteria Lane living room after he’d held her hostage and was threatening her.

— Matthew Applewhite, who was holding his girlfriend Danielle Van de Kamp’s mother at gunpoint (after it was learned that Matthew had previously killed a teen girl), was shot by a police sniper through the Van de Kamps’ living room window.

Other deaths:

— Mary Alice Young committed suicide.

— Alma Hodge, Orson’s ex-wife, accidentally fell off a Wisteria Lane home’s roof.

— Handyman Eli Scruggs had a heart attack on top of Susan Mayer’s roof after working on it for her.

— A mother and daughter — Lila and Paige Dash — were accidentally killed in a car crash.

— Karl Mayer died after being struck by a small aircraft which crashed on Wisteria Lane.

Disasters (natural and man-made):

— Both Edie Britt’s and Susan Mayer’s homes burned down. Edie’s in an accident, Susan’s on purpose.

— The Scavo twins set Rick Coletti’s restaurant on fire.

— After Dave Williams killed Dr. Heller, he started a fire in a nightclub storage room.

— Orson Hodge was paralyzed during the Wisteria Lane plane crash.

— A massive tornado killed Ida Greenberg, Adam Mayfair’s former patient and Gabby Solis’ second husband Victor Lang who, while fighting with Carlos Solis, was impaled in the chest by a flying picket fence post. Carlos was blinded after getting hit on the head during the storm.

— Two families’ Wisteria Lane homes — Bree and Orson’s, Karen’s — were seriously damaged by the tornado.

Can you think of anything else I might have missed?

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Photo Credit: Craig Sjodin/ABC

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One Response to “Desperate Housewives’ Wisteria Lane is a violent, unlucky place”

May 13, 2010 at 3:30 PM

Bree wasn’t innocent in George’s death either – she lied to him that she called an ambulance while she watched him die. Zack kidnapped Mike and threatened to kill him. Katherine’s husband’s mistress was also killed in the tornado when she ran outside after they were all trapped in that closet. And Carlos’ mother didn’t just go into a coma, she died.
Reading this list just reminds me how good this show was in the beginning…I hope this year’s finale has more suspense than last year’s did.