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Psych – The ever-quotable season premiere

Awesome season premiere dialogue or crappy? You be the judge. What were your most/least favorite quotes of the 'Psych' premiere?

- Season 5, Episode 1 - "Romeo and Juliet and Juliet"

Here are some of my favorite Psych quotes from the premiere on Wednesday night; thanks, Keith, for the first one!

Henry: Are you familiar with the term “persona non grata?”
Shawn: Why are we talking about food?

Shawn: I wanted a girl.
Gus: He’s the only one who would take the job, Shawn.
Shawn: What does that say about us?

Shawn: Good Cop/Bad Cop.
Gus: Who’s bad cop?
Shawn: You. You’re the unscrupulous penny-pinching boss with a chip on your shoulder and mommy issues. I’m the nurturing, confidante type who’s like, “Dude, Gus is a jerk, but I’ve got your back. Together we’ll take that sucker down.”

Shawn: You buried my Easter eggs five feet underground.
Henry: And, I left loose dirt to indicate a fresh dig.
Shawn: Yeah, under a camouflage tarp covered with bricks and broken glass.
Henry: That was the giveaway!

Shawn: This is my partner Jonathan Jacob Jingly Schmidt.
Mr. Chang: Are you saying his name is John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt?
Shawn: That’s correct, sir. We used to share the name. I changed mine because of all the people shouting when I went out.

Chief: I don’t remember calling you, Mr. Spencer.
Shawn: Didn’t have to, Chief, this case called me.
Gus: It called collect.
Shawn: That’s right, which was odd because I’m also on Twitter and the cases usually tweet me.

Shawn: And just what are you doing here?
Lassiter: The mayor asked to see me.
Gus: Clearly, we don’t believe that.

Shawn: Please don’t say that to Gus or he’ll tell you that Michael Jackson is not dead.
Gus: He learned to fake his death from Lisa Marie.
Shawn: Which implies that Elvis is still alive.
Gus: Elvis died two years ago. Is there no end to your gullibility? I told you that two years ago. He was a cashier in a shoeshine store.

Gus: Triads?
Shawn: Athletes.
Lassiter: Chinese gangs.
Shawn: Athletic gangs with Chinese men.

Lassiter: There are different gangs within the triads. What are we talking about? Golden Triad? The Dragon Triad?
Shawn: Regular. I think we’re primarily interested in medium. Venti.
Gus: Venti is large.
Shawn: Well, then not Venti.

Ken: You guys aren’t here to pay me for my last day?
Shawn: I believe we did pay you.
Gus: We didn’t pay him anything.
Shawn: We paid him in gratitude and life lessons.

Shawn: Ken, don’t think of it as not being paid for your last day, think of it as a surprise two year vacation.
Gus: Unpaid.
Shawn: We will hire you back.
Gus: Someday.
Shawn: Probably not soon, though.

Ken: Why are you guys here?
Gus: We need information on counterfeiting Hong Kong coins.
Shawn: And, Chinese mafia.
Gus: And, we need you to explain the ending of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon to us.

Ken: What? You guys think because I’m Asian I’m supposed to know all that stuff? That’s borderline racist, man.
Shawn: Racist? I hardly think so. Inappropriate?
Gus: Yes
Shawn: Insulting.
Gus: Sure.
Shawn: Stereotyping.
Gus: Sure.
Shawn: Not racist.
Gus: Maybe a little racist.

Gus: Crazy? You wanna know crazy? I sued 300 businesses last year alone. I sued a hot dog cart and got everything but the wheels and the buns, which I won in the civil case two months later.

Shawn: Gus, I kicked a board in half.
Gus: No you didn’t.
Shawn: You’re right, I didn’t, but it splintered.

Shawn: We’re not with this guy.
Gus: We never even met.
Shawn: Actually, we just now met him.
Gus: After we broke in.
Shawn: Accidentally, broke in.
Gus: We fell through a window, which, technically, isn’t breaking in.
Shawn: Let me start off by saying I love ping pong, and General Tso’s Chicken, and your version of checkers. I find your fire drills to be immensely entertaining, David Bowie’s “China Girl.”
Gus: The naked version.
Shawn: That goes without saying.

Gus: Shawn, get on with it.
Shawn: I am endearing myself to him.
Gus: Stop endearing.

Shawn: Your son wants to start a war between the triads — Tenno — the mean one. Maybe you have your own way of differentiating, but for me, personally, I think he’s the meanest. Maybe it’s the tattoo … just the general demeanor … the use of brow … sometimes you get a vibe about someone.

Photo Credit: USA Network

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3 Responses to “Psych – The ever-quotable season premiere”

July 16, 2010 at 10:21 PM

LOVED this episode of Psych — so glad to see it back in its finest form and anxious to see the developments between Shawn and Juliet.

July 17, 2010 at 12:09 AM

We laughed all the way through this one. I’m with Debbie; time to get Shawn and Juliet together. The tease has gone on for too many years now and it won’t change the dynamics of the show. I also really love how they’ve pulled the stick most of the way out of Gus’ rear so he’s a lot more like Shawn. By comparison, “Season 1 Gus” was downright dull.

I hope Psych continues for many more years and now that Monk’s gone I’d love to see Adrian Monk show up in an episode. Talk about Yin and Yang!

July 25, 2010 at 10:19 PM

yeah monk coming to a psych episode would be hilarious. i dont know how monk could ever put up with shawn.