It’s an American Idol Motown sandwich, folks … that’s what it is.
The bread on either end of this interesting concoction was weird stuff. The top bun was audience-peppered with strange looking folk and interesting celebrities. The bottom bun was JLo. (We’ll get to her at the end.)
The ingredients inside? For the most part, edible. There were a few that needn’t of have been added.
Oh … and who was the creator of this funky, funky sandwich, anyway? Why, none other than crazy chef Ryan Seacrest, that’s who! The guy was all over the place tonight: munching Stefano’s mom’s pasta … waving at Jennifer Beals … extracting audience groans after querying Chef Gordon Ramsay … twirling Pia around the stage to show off the back of her front … cavorting with children. The dude was unstoppable and everywhere during the show! Uncontrollable!
But … the sandwich ingredients: That’s what we really want to know about … right?
(The Crunchy Lettuce of) Casey Abrams and “Heard It Through The Grapevine”: Good and scratchy. Again, another subpar performance from the dude who seriously looks like The Muppet’s Dr. Teeth. Her take was just okay. It’s time he really stepped it up; he needs to come out swinging for the fences next week. (I got a chuckle seeing his friends in the audience supporting him. They look like his friends.)
(The Stale Pickle Chips of) Thia Megia and “Heatwave”: Thia’s voice is truly lovely. And she did well with her selection. The problem? She only had that voice dialed up to a 5 when it should have been at an 11, a 10 at the very least. I caught one place where she muffed it royally, but other than that one boner, she sounded pretty good. But why the hell was she holding back? Why? Seriously, why? Her performance was a wet, limp dishrag out there.
(The Smooth, Creamy Dressing of) Jacob Lusk and “You’re All I Need To Get By”: Dude didn’t do a thing wrong. (Well … some of those facial expressions were bordering on at the off putting end of the spectrum, but that’s okay.) He just may have had the best performance of the evening. He did exactly what Steven said he did: he held it back and milked it. And you can’t ask for anything better than that.
(The Questionably Ripe Tomato of) Lauren Alaina and “You Keep Me Hanging On”: Woof! She put it out there from the get-go and made it all hers. She walked the line in giving the song her own flavor while staying true to the original. With the exception of that little talking riff she did in the middle (it was dopey), she did fine.
(The Sweaty, Wilting Cheese of) Stefano Langone and “Hello”: It’s all about the eyes, it’s all about the eyes, it’s all about the eyes. How ’bout singing in key? How ’bout singing in key? How ’bout singing in key? You get it, Stefano? *ouch* That was painful. A big, fat, hairy, juicy plop on the bare kitchen floor is what that was.
(The Pizzazy Pointless Filling of) Haley Reinhart and “You Really Got A Hold On Me”: The “classy hooker” look was really distracting from her performance. (Not really, truth be told. If it wasn’t for her outfit, she would have been completely forgettable.) And what a goofy performance it was. There were a couple runs – if you can call them that – causing the song to come to a grinding halt and sounding as if she was finished with it. Not good! Not good at all! She should have had a train crossing sign on stage reading “White Girl Can’t Motown”. Not at all.
(The Secret Ingredient of) Scott McCreery and “For Once In My Life”: Give this tune a country vibe? Bold. Scotty was worried about pulling a Larry The Lounge Lizard act, but it didn’t come off as such. The snare drum and the mouth harp were assurances that didn’t happen. Add to the performance Scotty’s country twang and we got something different. And not in a bad way. Interesting stuff.
(The Drab And Tasteless Meat of) Pia Toscano and “All In Love Is Fair”: If it weren’t for the canned hand movements Pia offered up, this would have been a performance as boring as hell. Wait … waitaminnit … I couldn’t hear any of her hand movements. It WAS boring as hell. “You kill us,” JLo told her. And she was right; there was a moment or five when I wanted to off myself during her time on stage. *shudder*
(The Wacky, Wavy Crunchless Pickles of) Paul McDonald and “Tracks Of My Tears”: Paul was too, too soft spoken at the beginning for my liking, but he stepped it up a bit after that. Still though, he borrowed the dishrag Thia was hogging earlier in the night. Limpity-limp performance, dude. Make up for it next week.
(The Funky Bouncy Onions of) Adedapo Naima and “Dancin’ In The Street”. What? Hello … ?!? I didn’t really just enjoy a Naima Adedapo performance … did I … ?!?!? Because I don’t believe such a thing is possible. It might have been an out of body experience. But! If it was, I came right back down to earth when she started her African flailing epileptic seizure dance. *ugh* (Still … I thought she did really well for a change. Imagine that.)
(The Spicy, Zesty Hint of) James Durbin and “Living For The City”: For me, James is cooking along in the same vein as Casey. Tonight, however, he performed better than Casey. And Randy was right: He started out a tad shaky, but came around quickly.
All in all, not a bad sandwich to sink your teeth into.
Oh … but wait: We forgot that bottom bun. It’s rather weird, too.
It consisted of Jlo and her ice skating dress. She looked as if she was ready to take to the rink on her way out to the stage at the beginning of the evening. And up close, all through the night, she looked like she was ready to be admitted to the hospital with all that zombie eye shadow plastered from her nostrils to her brow.
And please … producers … directors … writers … somebody, ANYbody: Get JLo a dictionary, open it to the word “amazing” and highlight it for her, would you? She used it inappropriately 18 freakin’ times this episode and no two were the same definition. Talk about your bottom bun of poor support.
Stefano? Haley? Pia? You’re our Bottom Three come elimination.
And Stefano? You’re outta here, dude.
“By the end of the song, you the lady killer! You the lady killer, dude!”
- Randy Jackson critiquing Scott McCreery
“You don’t look a day over fabulous.”
- Steven Tyler to Haley Reinhart
Clacked by Michael Noble 
on Mar 24, 2011 @ 10:00 EST5EDT
Dude, were you scooping out my Facebook wall or are we that in tune this week?
*POST AUTHOR*
. . . . .
No, I was not.
The “gentleman” I was watching the program with while doing the dishes commented at the same moment I did on how “dressed like Dorothy Hamill” she looked.
If we were really in tune, you would have had the hackles at the back of your neck raised the same as mine were when Stefano tortured “Hello”.
*mcgag*
I didn’t think Pia was bad. And that kind of lung power is worth keeping around for a few more weeks at least.
For me, the standout was Lauren – I never enjoyed her until this week’s performance. She was fun and didn’t oversing.
Poor Thia, I was bored halfway through her performance. I wish she would sing something that really shows off her voice and gives us a glimpse of the kind of album she would make. This isn’t a high school talent show, but I feel like that’s how she’s approaching it. She doesn’t seem to have any identity as an artist. She’s like a kid playing piano in a recital.
*POST AUTHOR*
. . . . .
Nor did I think Pia was bad, Ruby. Just boring as hell. If she’s out to do a record for frazzled mothers who can’t get their infants to sleep late at night, she’ll have a niche. Otherwise, she’s got to get it together and show us what she can do with those vocals, else she’s history. She slayed The Pretenders song she did a few weeks ago. Show me more of that, Pia.
Lauren did it for me this week. Finally.
Thia did sing something that really showed off her voice … when the Top 13 performed. She did “Smile” … and I melted … right but until that beat and the band came accompanyin’, then it was all downhill from there. And not in a good way. The unworldly 15 year-old – excuse me, 16 year-old, as she just had a birthday – has really coming into play.
Completely agree re “Smile.”
Well Michael I totally disagree with you about a lot. First I really liked Casey. I thought he was back to his old self. Of course, I think he genre is jazz but I think he did a great job.
I totally agree with Ruby about Thia. I think she is the one who should be ousted.
I like Stefano. I did think he was trying to be better at the eye contact but still need improvement. And I actually like Haley performance. She is nowhere near my favorite but she did a lot better. Of course, she dressed a lot like the Haley S. from Season ?
I do agree with you pretty much on the others. Pia has a beautiful voice but she is really getting boring.
Anyway long comment but my guess is Thia should be ousted but it will probably be someone else.
*POST AUTHOR*
. . . . .
Maureen: There’s a time to growl and a time to yell and a time to scream and shout. There’s also a time to pull it back because it will be to one’s benefit to do so.
In my opinion, Casey should have pulled back a bit. It would have made “Heard It Through The Grapevine” that much better, I believe.
Now James … he put a cap on it; see what he did? He done did goodly.
There were others who were cut from the competition I thought were much better than Stefano. And right now, he’s not making the grade. There will be no love lost by me (or Uncle Gabby) if he is escorted off the premises this evening.
You know I love when you disagree with me, Maureen. But as Steven Tyler said to Randy Jackson a week ago: “If I agree with you, we’ll both be wrong.”
Stefano it is, I hope!
I don’t think anyone who can look like Pia and sing like Pia deserves to be bounced before the Tour group is set. She needs lessons in performing, but you can’t learn that kind of voice.
I also shocked myself by actually liking Naima this week. Of course, we heard more real singing from her than we have in the past. She even looked good, which I was beginning to think wouldn’t happen.
Don’t be too shocked if Lauren is still in the bottom three with Stefano and Hayley.
*POST AUTHOR*
. . . . .
Nyela:
No … I won’t be surprised if Lauren is in the Bottom Three.
If James is there … if Casey’s there … if Paul is there … is Scott is there … if Jacob is there … I’ll be surprised.
Damn … makes me look like I’m completely for the guys, doesn’t it?
I think Lauren was the weakest link. Or Stefano.
I just wish someone would work on their wardrobe. Some of them *coughNaimacough* need assistance.