The Celebrity Apprentice – The mob jokes are old already

It’s wonderful to be back for a new season of The Celebrity Apprentice for oh so many reasons. First off, the “celebrities” are generally so obscure that their inclusion on the show alone is good for a laugh. Second, because we don’t know them, they can always surprise us with how crazy they can be, and my favorite is when people I’ve never heard of and who I wouldn’t recognize even if they were wearing a name tag get so defensive about their “fame.” Finally, because they are unknown entities, there are always a few who pleasantly surprise with how interesting they are.

Opening with the traditional structure of men versus women, team Unanimous (the guys) chose Paul Teutul — he of the half a million dollar fundraising guarantee — as their first project manager. The women, team Forte, went with Patricia Velasquez. The task? Selling sandwiches at a delicatessen.

The men had to deal with the loss of Marco Andretti, absent following the death in a car crash of a close friend. Interestingly, Marco is being replaced by his father, Michael Andretti, who easily slides into the slot Marco occupied as Michael, as well, is a racing legend.

The women, meanwhile, had to deal with rather different kinds of hiccups. There was Patricia thinking to do a carnival outside of their deli, damn the permits and let the police come; there was Aubrey O’Day asserting her significance by announcing in a talking head that she has “the most Twitter followers” on the team. Wow! And then there was Patricia, assessing the competitiveness of the men’s team by calling them “Super, powerful, famous people.” I don’t think delusion will serve the women very well.

In the end, what didn’t serve the women well was the lack of a major donor along the lines of the $305,000 whale that Paul brought in. That, in addition to the $35,000 the men won when Rachael Ray picked their sandwich as the best, gave the men a combined total of $367,000 for the task, annihilating the women’s seemingly anemic $127,000. Astounding, no doubt, but think about this for a moment: subtract the giant donor and the bonus, and the men raised all of $27,000. Dayana Mendoza herself raised almost as much, which means the men need to dig deep come next week.

Maybe it was just me, but I felt like there were too many people in the boardroom, keeping it from being as much fun as it could have been. With that many contestants to check in with, it was too tough for Trump to build up a dialogue with anyone, really. It’ll take a few weeks, but eventually the herd will have been thinned enough to reverse that logjam.

And so long to Cheryl Tiegs. Not right for the show? I love how Trump can break either way in response to that comment, depending on his mood and his personal opinion of the “celeb.”

Some of my favorite moments:

• Trump and his live orchestral entrance at Lincoln Center. Self-indulgent extravagance numero uno
• Adam Carolla. He was really funny, and a pleasant surprise. Loved when he said that he was playing for “White Kids Without iPads”
• Wyclef dropping in to the women’s deli and paying $15,000 for a sandwich. Aubrey cozying up to sing with him, and then bombing, was pretty funny too
• Thought I’d mention Patricia Velasquez’s charity, The Wayuu Taya Foundation. Plenty of people have lost on this show, and plenty have cried for their charity, but Patricia did a particularly good job of making me feel bad that her charity wouldn’t be getting any of the money that she’d raised

And finally, two firsts of the season:

• Don Don making fun of Papa Don #1: Affirming that he knows firsthand that it’s easier to yell at family
• Nickname #1: George Takei, who’s cute as a button, needs a nickname (those of you who’ve been following this show with me from the beginning know what I’m talking about). How about T-Bone or Koko? Help me out here!

Clacked by Aryeh S.
on Feb 20, 2012 @ 17:00 EST5EDT