Valentine’s Day is coming up, and I couldn’t care less. I’m a single man, and frankly if we weren’t all writing posts in honor of the pretend holiday, I probably wouldn’t have even remembered it existed. However, I am now painfully aware that the day is coming, and I am feeling lonely and ashamed for being single. Thanks society!
In any case, there’s no reason that us single folks can’t celebrate this stupid holiday. Here are some suggestions for holiday appropriate fare for you to enjoy all by your lonesome:
- Chocolate: Yes, this is traditionally given to someone else on Valentine’s Day, but treat yourself! No one will be the wiser as you buy that big heart shaped box. If you truly want to get the full effect as a single person, I recommend consuming the whole box in one sitting, washing it down with an entire bottle of expensive red wine.
- Garlic and Onions: All those “other people” out on dates are going to be worrying about their breath. Not us! Eat all the garlic, onions, and other stinky food you want. You’re not trying to impress anyone with your fresh smelling mouth.
- Beans: Along the same lines, we have no need to worry about getting embarrassing gas, so go ahead, have that second bowl of chili.
- Coffee: In honor of my bitter attitude toward all things romance and flowers, I’ll be consuming a great big cup of dark roast, black. No cream or sugar to soften the bitterness. No sir.
- Barbecue Ribs: The most unattractive food you could possibly eat in front of someone. No one wants to watch us tear the sweet, smoked meat off a pig bone, barbecue sauce smeared all over our faces. We don’t need to worry, though — we’ll be all alone!
- A Frozen Pizza: The single man’s best friend. Why worry about cooking? Why even bother to leave the house and pick up a fresh pizza? That perfectly good pizza is waiting for you right in the freezer!
Maybe it’s not so bad being single, regardless of what society tells us at this time of year. Look at all the great food we single folks get to eat whenever we want. We don’t have to worry about looking pretty or smelling good, we can just enjoy the food we want. We don’t have to buy flowers, chocolates, cards, or any of that other useless junk that seems to fly off the shelves on Valentine’s Day. No, my single friends, we have it made!
Now, I’m going to go make a frozen pizza….
Photo Credit: Flickr/tanakawho
Clacked by Bob Degon
on Feb 05, 2009 @ 11:00 EST5EDT
