Such as the passing of a Chihuahua named Gidget, who died from a stroke at age 15. Now, while most of you probably don’t know Gidget by her real name, you would probably know her by another description: the Taco Bell dog. Yes, Gidget was the tiny canine that uttered those four famous words “Yo Quiero Taco Bell!”

Voiced in the ads by male actor Carlos Alazraqui, The Taco Bell dog became one of the most famous Chihuahuai of the 1990s. The first ad aired on the East Coast of the U.S. in 1997 with a dog named Dinky. However, it was Gidget, Dinky’s replacement, who reaped the the immediate success.

And “immediate” is not an exaggeration when it came to this ad campaign. After its initial airing, popularity soared and  it was off to the races for Gidget. Soon enough there were T-shirts, posters, and toy figures of the little dog. Most importantly, the phrase became embedded into pop culture history as, “Yo quiero (something or other)” was used by every single person in the United States and abroad.

Of course, this wasn’t enough for the advertising geniuses who started the campaign. In due time, Gidget was given two additional phrases: “Drop the Chalupa!” and “Viva Gorditas!” The second phrase was used in connection with the release of 1998’s Godzilla remake and eventually led to Gidget uttering a full sentence in English during an ad featuring the giant lizard.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LONtNt9at_k

Unfortunately, the success of this campaign, which outweighed the extremely popular tainted scallions campaign of 2006, was fraught with troubles. No sooner had the first “Yo Quiero Taco Bell” been uttered did the advertising campaign meet with protests from Latin American advocacy groups who accused Gidget of being a fairly blatant stereotype of Hispanics. It was the pressure of these groups, combined with surprisingly low sales revenue, that led to the end of the Taco Bell campaign in 2000. Three years later, the fast food restaurant lost a multi-million dollar lawsuit to two Michigan men who said that the Taco Bell dog concept was one they pitched to the company six years prior.

So, ladies and gentleman, please raise your Cheese Roll-Ups in a salute to Gidget, and her stand-ins, who gave us one of the more memorable fast food campaigns in the last few years. She will be missed. Until, of course, Burger King’s Herb takes a turn for the worst.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8sZ1DWsAHE

There will come a time during your Las Vegas vacation where you will no longer be able to eat another crab leg from the buffet, one more seared eel in lamb pee from the celebrity chef restaurant, or an additional 99 cent shrimp cocktail. This is about the time that will need to have one of the hotel maids pump your stomach in order to actually roll yourself to your room. In other words, you will be full beyond the actual meaning of the word “full.”

Yet, you’ll still be hungry. Not so hungry that you’d plop down another $24.99 for the all-you-can-eat squid buffet. Just peckish enough to fill that last centimeter of space in your belly. So, what will you do? Well, you can always dine at one of the many 24-hour cafes that dot the Las Vegas landscape. But even those may tip the scales between you being full and actually needing an enema. Luckily, there is a solution. See, not only is Las Vegas the home to gambling and gluttony, but also every single fast food concept invented.

Now, I’m sure you’re wondering how the hell fast food can be any better for you than $2.99 20-ounce prime rib special (complete with soup, salad, potato, desert bar, and Pepto Bismol). Well, fast food is cheap for the most part, which helps you save some money for the penny slots. Plus, it won’t fill you to the point of extreme bloatedness (just partial bloatedness). Most importantly, it will give you a feeling of normality after over-indulging over the last few days.

The good thing is you don’t have to leave the Strip, or Downtown, to find your favorite fast food hangout. In fact, many hotels feature food courts with restaurants you would find in the rest of the country. For example, McDonald’s is featured prominently in hotels like the MGM Grand, Harrah’s, and The Plaza. Nathan’s is also a big player (for some reason gambling and hot dogs are connected) with locations in New York New York (obviously), MGM, Bally’s, The Venetian, and Fashion Show Mall. Other big players on the Strip and Downtown include Subway, Sabarro, and Panda Express.

If you want to venture away from the bright lights and big crowds into Las Vegas proper you’ll find a wide variety of fast food establishments, both national and regional. On the national scale you’ll find the well-known McDonald’s, Burger King, and Wendy’s, as well as the lesser known Fatburger chain. Then you have the West Coast standards Carl Jr.’s (known as Hardee’s on the East Coast), Jack in the Box, and the ever-popular In-n-Out Burger. Sorry Midwesterners and  South Easterners: no Steak n Shake to be found.

If you’re not interested in burgers and fries there are plenty of other alternatives as well, both on the Strip/Downtown as well as on the outskirts. Del Taco, for example, has 22 locations in the Las Vegas area, including a number on Las Vegas Boulevard. Chipolte’s is also a big player, with locations at the Sahara, Harrah’s, and Sunset Station. El Pollo Loco also has a number of locations around Las Vegas. Heck, there are even a bunch of  Capriotti’s, which is a Delaware standard for subs.

Needless to say, there are plenty of options for you when you just can’t eat one more jumbo shrimp. Just make sure to drink some water and walk a little bit after you eat so you have room for the midnight haggis and mutton buffet.

The placemats covering fast food restaurant trays don’t do much other than hide the accumulated crud of billions of uses. Once in awhile there will be a discount offer for an amusement park or free cup of coffee, but the majority of the time it just promotes the restaurant’s newest cholesterol-accumulating invention. That being the case, these paper placemats are largely ignored.

Being a writer in search of material for the increasingly popular Fast Food Generation these placemats are actually a gold mine. For instance, while dining at my local Burger King I came upon an interesting tray cover. Seems that the home of the ‘Have It Your Way’ sandwich wants to keep your business while you’re trying to lose much of that Christmas-Passover-Flag Day weight. They’re even going so far as to present some meal suggestions keep you slim and trim.

The program is called BK Positive Steps. Six meals are displayed on the placemat that can be chewed and digested for under 650 calories, with the lowest at 410 calories and the highest at 615. Save for one breakfast and one lunch meal, the others are variations of Burger King’s chicken sandwiches and salads. Missing from these meals, which would probably up the calorie count significantly, are BK’s french fries.

This isn’t all that the home of the Whopper is doing to promote healthier eating at their stores. If you go to their Positive Steps website you can see a listing of all of the items they offer, broken down into calorie categories (and downloadable into PDF format). At the lowest level, under 100 calories, are the beverages like coffee, apple juice, and the diet sodas. At the highest level are, obviously, the restaurant’s top sellers: Whopper, Tendercrisp Chicken Sandwich, and Double Crossan’wich.

If you look at all of the sandwich selections you’ll notice something is missing — mayonnaise and cheese. In order to get these selections down to manageable caloric levels they needed to exclude the one condiment and one topping that many people enjoy (well, over the last few years at least. I’m sure folks would give you the evil eye if you put mayo on your burger a few decades ago). It’s a small thing; however, when the sandwiches normally come with mayo it’s hard to remember not to ask for it in order to get it down to levels for normal human digestion.

This is a good effort on Burger King’s part. And yet, it’s not quite complete. As everyone who is trying to lose weight and eat healthy knows, watching calories is not the only factor to take into consideration when choosing a meal. There’s also fat, sodium, cholesterol, and carbohydrates to consider. As these aren’t listed on the website it’s hard to take their efforts seriously. Sure, you could have Apple Fries with Caramel Sauce for under 100 calories, but factor in the sugar content of the caramel sauce and it isn’t as healthy as first seemed.

So, should you decide to take advantage of these ‘under 650 calories’ Burger King meals, eat with caution. They may taste good, and it may make you feel healthier, but it could be doing other things inside you that will come back and beat you up later in life.

Not the case with Jake’s Hamburgers. When they say their burgers are handmade it’s actually true. Especially when you see them making your patties minutes after you place your order. The result is a fresh and tasty alternative to normal fast food burgers.

With a little more than a dozen eateries spread along the Eastern Seaboard, Jake’s is a different type of fast food franchise. Instead of being housed in large cinder-block buildings that feature indoor playgrounds and Happy Meals, the restaurants are usually tucked away in non-descript strip malls, stucco buildings, and even old houses that come complete with wraparound porches. That doesn’t mean that Jake’s is unknown. On the contrary, while their venues may be small, their advertising covers a wide area.

And when we say advertising we’re not just talking about print media and radio ads. We’re also talking word of mouth as well. In fact, the high marks from both the public and the press have been more effective in bringing business into these stores than any traditional advertising has. This is good news since Jake’s burgers are somewhat higher in price than your average McWendyBurgerKing burger (around $5).

Jake’s menu is pretty straightforward. There are three types of burgers they sell: the single Jake Jr., the double patty Signature Burger, and the three patty Big Jake. You can choose either with cheese and/or bacon. The bacon, rather than being in strips, is circular in nature. This makes me think it’s a member of the Canadian Bacon family, but I can’t be too sure. All burgers come with your standard lettuce, tomato, pickle, onion, ketchup, and mustard.

During my trip to Jake’s I ordered a Signature Burger with cheese and all the fixings save for the onion. I had it to go, but I knew it was fresh from the moment I picked it up from the grease stains peppering the brown paper bag. Despite the heaviness of the 6.6-ounce burger I found the meat cooked evenly with a nice amount of seasoning. The only downside to the burger was how messy it was. This was probably due to the soft bun, which aborbed the condiments like it was a sponge.

Being a place serving burgers, Jake’s also sells its share of sides (it’s the law, I believe). The fires are thick, lightly salted and seem to be cooked per order. If you order cheese fries you receive a fairly large cup of melted cheese that has a slight kick to it. Also available are chili fries, the heart-stopping (literally) chili cheese fries and homemade onion rings.

Jake’s has a small selection of entrees, salads and other sandwiches. Included are chicken fingers, which are actually smalll, breaded chicken wings. At least that’s what they looked like when I took them out of the bag. In no way did they resemble chicken fingers. For about $4 we got three ‘fingers’ with dipping sauce that lasted us through two meals.

In addition to its burgers, the other thing that Jake’s is famous for is its milkshakes. For under $4 you have a choice of 11 hand-dipped flavors as well as the M.O.M (Milkshake of the Month). Unfortunately, though friends of mine have raved about these shakes, I didn’t partake in one during my visit. However, since Jake’s Hamburgers has now been added to my list of eating  joints, I hope to partake in one of their world-famous shakes soon enough.

A few weeks ago Keith McDuffee (or, as we call him at CliqueClack Central, Your Highness) wrote up a little item comparing three nationally-known burrito shops – Chipotle, Moe’s and Qdoba. After presenting their strong and weak points he came to the absolute and total conclusion that… um, they were all good. Hey, we may need to bow down and kiss his ring when we see him, but that doesn’t mean he’s right all the time!

As a man who has never been to a Qdoba I would like to focus this edition of Fast Food Generation on just Moe’s and Chipotle. And, unlike Keith, I have a true winner between the two that I’ll reveal right now. It’s Chipotle. Though, Moe’s has some strengths as well. No, I am NOT waffling!

My relationship with Chipotle began while working in Bethesda, Maryland. My cube mate at the time used to bring in these humongoid burritos for lunch. When I asked where he was getting them he mentioned the Chipotle that was right around the corner from my office. A place I had passed more than a dozen times without even a glance! Curious, I trotted around the corner, picked up my first chicken burrito, and immediately fell in love.

For weeks afterward I would lunch at Chipotle several times a week (followed by several desk naps not long after). Soon enough I had my wife hooked. Then, rather than driving all the way to Bethesda from Gaithersburg, the company opened not one, but two stores within a few minutes drive. This meant not only could we dine on burritos for lunch, but for dinner as well.

Then, we moved to Delaware. Sadly, Chipotle didn’t move with us. Fact is, for the longest time, we didn’t know where the nearest restaurant was. Eventually we found one, but it was nearly 30 minutes away. Needless to say, a casual lunch or dinner was out of the question.

So, we settled for Moe’s. We discovered Moe’s Southwest Grill during a visit to the Delaware beaches (not the shore, the beaches. You say you’re going to the ‘Delaware Shore’ and the locals give you the stink eye). They had the ginormous burritos with the rice and beans and other fillings and, for the most part, it was enjoyable. The only problems I had were with some rice kernels that had been overcooked and the overall taste of the chicken. But, that was rectified when I switched to a steak Homewrecker, which was much tastier.

My family eventually adopted Moe’s into our home, especially when a branch opened up about five minutes from our house. And, while we enjoyed their food, there was just something missing from our Homewreckers that we enjoyed so much in our Chipotle’s burritos. Perhaps it was the steamed cilantro-lime rice or the chipotle-grilled chicken that we missed. Or, for me, it was the combined taste of the rice, sour cream and cheese when the burrito cooled. I always made sure that the last bites I took were from the rice and cheese portion of the burrito rather than the meat side. It was that much more satisfying for some reason.

Now, after five long, tiring years, Chipotle is finally coming into the Philadelphia region. And, we couldn’t be happier. Sure, the closest restaurant is 30 miles away in Southern Jersey, but at least we venture up there enough to partake in our favorite meal. If anything, it has reignited the love that we have for the fresh ingredients that complete a burrito. And, it has given us some hope that, one day, Chipotle will open up a branch right here in New Castle County, Delaware. Particularly near my office or home, if possible. Come on, Chipotle, make my wish come true!

Around noon I began to feel a bit peckish. So, I sashayed over to the local Subway for a bit of sustenance. Over the last few years I had gained an appreciation for the fresh-baked bread and seemingly endless amount of toppings that this healthier fast food chain provided for their sandwiches. Lately, that appreciation increased as the company embarked on their ‘$5 Footlongs‘ promotion, which made every standard footlong sub the company made a mere five bucks! Needless to say, this helped save some of my hard-earned pennies.

So, I lumbered up to the counter, ordered my usual (footlong turkey with cheese, honey mustard, lettuce and tomato), grabbed my chips and soda (as part of the combo meal), and headed to the register. I pulled out my usual seven dollars and twenty-seven cents, the normal cost of the meal, and was ready to hand it to the counter person, when he gave me the total of $8.50.

I was stunned! Even before the $5 promotion a turkey sub combo was under eight dollars. Now, after several months, the price had jumped up a buck-thirty. Dumbfounded, I asked the man behind the counter what had happened and he informed me that the turkey was no longer part of the $5 promotion. Fact of the matter was that its price had jumped up to $6.25. I thanked the man for his answer, kindly told him to put the sub where the sun don’t shine, and walked out.

I don’t know if this was a decision of the local franchise, or a price change across the whole chain, but the decision to limit the $5 promotion to only eight subs was a mistake. Particularly since they left off turkey, which is probably one of the more popular choices (and, I believe, was one of the ones Jared ate to lose all that weight). Considering local competitors like the Mid-Atlantic chain WaWa are offering the same subs for less this seems like an marketing error.

The price changes not only angered myself, but other customers as well. While I walked out of Subway that day, head held high, I heard from a number of other people who were shocked and totally unaware of the changes to the menu. They weren’t keeping it quiet either. While they were directing their opinions at me their voices were just loud enough for the managers to hear as well. Not a good sign.

So, for the time being, Subway is off my list of lunch choices. With other food outlets reducing prices on most of their menu items thanks to the success Subway has had, I’m sure the sub shop will come to its senses and restore the $5 Footlong promotion to most of their standard cold and hot subs. If not, well, I’ll just look somewhere else for that tasty combination of meat, cheese, and veggies.

Today, many schools are built near, if not within, fast food restaurants. And, instead of dining on crappy cafeteria food, they’re dining on crappy fast food provided by Wendy, Burger King or Arby. The result, according to a new studies that shouldn’t shock anyone, is that these teens are getting fat.

Researchers from the University of California, Berkley (where all schools reside near a health food store) have come to the amazing conclusion that teenagers tend to gain five percent more weight when a  fast food restaurant is built one block or less from their school.  Strangely enough, obesity rates were lower when a fast food repository was built a quarter mile or more away from the school. Probably because the teens wouldn’t be able to walk that far due to the increased weight and lack of exercise.

There are opposing sides to this study. On the one hand you have people like Eric N. Gioia, city councilman from Queens, New York, who wants to stop these fast food restaurants from opening so close to schools (while, perhaps, the liquor stores and places where cigarettes are sold will stay where they are). On the other side you have Rick Berman of the Center for Consumer Freedom who said that the correlation between the increased teen obesity and proximity to fast food establishments was flawed.

For once, I’m going with the study researchers. It’s no secret that fast food entries are high in fat and calories. Including supposed “healthy” items like salads, which Berman says these establishments sell. Since your average teen will forgo a measly salad for a quarter pounder with cheese fries, the calories will pile up. With such a short distance between the restaurant and school (especially when driving) those calories will not be burned off sufficiently. And, with schools constantly lowering their physical education requirements, there’s a good chance those calories will stay, accumulate over time, and give most teens an opportunity to scan through the ‘Big & Tall’ racks at one time or another.

There’s really no good solution to this issue. Banning fast food restaurants from opening near these schools, as Councilman Gioia is proposing, won’t work unless you can convince others to totally rezone areas around school buildings. That, and you subject yourself to various lawsuits from fast food corporations who feel their free market rights are being denied. Another option in this case is for schools to ramp up their physical education requirements while providing a healthier selection of foods. Oh, and curbing students from leaving school grounds for their meals would probably help as well.

The best option is probably as follows: take 10 minutes out of your hectic schedule, sit down with your teen, and tell them that they’ll probably die much earlier than you if they continue to eat fast food every single day. Tell them they are not superhuman and that what they are taking into their bodies is going to cause heart disease, diabetes, and an overall feeling of crappiness that will stop them from playing Rock Band. Perhaps the message will get through their skulls then. If that doesn’t work show them Super Size Me. If that doesn’t get them to stop eating fast food I don’t know what will!

Then there’s the food. You can’t step onto a stadium concourse without hearing the sizzle of a grill, or smell the sweet aroma of a sausage and pepper sandwich. In fact, over the last few decades, food has become a very important part of the professional baseball experience. While the hot dogs and peanuts remain, franchises in both the major and minor leagues have gone to great lengths to make your stadium dining unique.

Take, as an example, the West Michigan Whitecaps – a Class A affiliate of the Detroit Tigers. This season the Whitecaps introduced a brand new burger to their menu. But, not just ‘a’ burger. Think of five Whoppers smushed together, combined with seven Big Macs, and you’ll get a fair idea of how big this burger is.

It’s called the Fifth Third Burger. Five 1/3 pound beef patties, five slices of American Cheese, chili, nacho cheese, fritos, salsa, and sour cream all on an 8-inch round sesame seed bun. Oh yeah, they also found room for some lettuce and tomatoes as well. Total it all up and it’s a four pound monstrosity! It’s also a whopping 4800 calories, which is the equivalent of several years’ worth of meals for, say, Paris Hilton.

The price for this massive piece of cholesterol is not cheap: around $20. On the upside, if you can finish it all in one sitting, the Whitecaps will give you a free T-Shirt. This is a great idea as it’ll cover your head while they bring your bloated body out on a stretcher after your massive coronary incident. In summary, it’s a gut-busting, artery-clogging, two-book bathroom burger that could probably be consumed during the entire baseball game, as well as the next three away games.

Here’s the thing about this burger: I wonder if it’s all worth it? First, with so many condiments oozing at the edges of the bun, I’m sure this isn’t a hand-held burger. Hell, It can’t even be handled with two hands! This is a fork-and-knife deal, or possibly a chain saw and spatula situation. In other words, it’s messy.

This is not a good idea for a baseball game. I mean, have you ever used a napkin from a stadium? They’re usually those tiny, one-ply jobs that never get your hands clean. With the Fifth Third Burger you’re looking at using two or three packages of those napkins. Now, that can’t be good for the environment, can it? Plus, if you can’t use your hands, how are you going to eat this at your seat? Balancing the burger precariously on your lap while trying to cut it will result in twenty dollars falling down several rows of stairs.

I’ll be curious on how the Fifth Third Burger works out for the Whitecaps. While I guess it can be considered fast food I think it’ll be more wasted food as those who purchase it will abandon the sandwich either because they’re full or they have a numb sensation down the left side of their arm. I’m thinking there will be more of the latter.