You can thank Jay Black for ION’s Meet My Valentine

Some of you may remember Jay Black from the old days of TV Squad, or maybe from the PodClack and Hungry Trolls podcasts he did for us, along with a brilliant post thrown in here and there. Or maybe you just know him as stand-up comedian Jay Black, showing up in a town near you, or even Vegas (baby)! I’ve even caught his act a couple of times, when he’s been in my neck of the woods — he’s damn funny! I love him! He’s gotten funnier every time!

And then there’s Meet My Valentine.

Airing on the ION Network Friday, February 6th — a week before Valentine’s Day — Meet My Valentine stars Scott Wolf (V, Party of Five) as artist Tom Bishop, Courtney Ford (Revenge, True Blood) as his wife, chef Valentine Bishop, and, of course, Jay Black as Tom’s best friend, stand-up comedian Mac Brown.

Now, you’re thinking, “Hey, this title sounds like it’ll be a great date movie; perfect for Valentine’s Day! I’ll cozy on up by the fire with my lady/man/cat friend and have a swell ol’ time. I mean, hey, it was written by — and stars — a comedian! What joy!” I wouldn’t blame you one bit for thinking that. Deb and I sure thought something along those lines, minus the fire part, because we’re lazy and the fireplace has books stacked in front of it.

But we’re all DEAD WRONG!

First of all, remember that good looking dude I mentioned as the main character of the movie? Right, Mac Brown — we’ll get back to him in a bit. But the other dude, Tom Bishop: it turns out he has terminal cancer, with only months to live. Still, it’s gonna be funny a funny movie, right? Because my friend Jay Black wouldn’t steer me wrong, making me think funny Jay Black would put a sad, sad movie in front of me and MY WIFE after years of convincing me he was a funny-as-hell comedian.

Alright, so what’s next? Oh yes, Mr. Bishop has an eight-year-old daughter, Phoebe, who he’d be leaving behind after he’s dead and gone. And the realization hits Tom: Valentine’s hot, and his best friend is essentially Jay Black in the flesh, except this Jay Black is single. So, “shit,” he thinks. “I’d better get a say who shacks up with my soon-to-be-widowed Valentine NOW!”

And that all sounds like it could be funny, right? Because we’ve seen Jay Black, and he’s funny. Well, it doesn’t quite go down like that. As Deb put it, this was a “five tissue-er” of a movie. At first I raised an eyebrow to this term, but then was quickly reminded that tissues were for wiping away tears sometimes.

As you begin to watch Meet My Valentine, you might be thinking this Tom is somewhat of a dick, because he barely has anything to do with his wife as it is, and now he’s muscling in to take further control of her by sneaking some new guy into her life that HE pre-approves of. Then Jay Black hits you across the face with the side effect of this: Tom — in trying to learn more about his wife that he’s since forgotten over the years — starts to pay more attention to her, causing both of them to fall back in love with each other again. Damn you, Jay Black! We were ready to just sorta despise this guy and watch him die, and now we have to care about him? That’s not funny! Crap!

I don’t want to get too much more into the plot of the movie, but you can see it for yourself Friday night (I’m told it’ll also be available on Amazon, GooglePlay, iTunes, VHX.TV, Vimeo and VUDU beginning February 7th). It’s even got part of Jay’s act, so there’s that bit of no-tissues-needed comedy to look forward to, and makes it so it’s only 99.9% of a cry-fest.

There is definitely a demographic that this movie is going to appeal to: those who LOVE a cry-fest and will not be so lazy as to keep those books stacked up in front of the fireplace, and WILL light that fire, and WILL cozy up to it with their cat friend(s). Anyone with a family and kids, though — like Deb and I — might walk away from this one wondering the same damn thing:

Mr. comedian Jay Black, why are you liking to make us cry?