Say what you will about the perceived decline of How I Met Your Mother in recent years — and we have had that conversation several times around the halls of CliqueClack HQ — we can all get behind a Robin Sparkles appearance. We first found out about Robin’s alter ego way back in Season Two’s “Slap Bet” and has several appearances since … though we are all trying to forget “Sandcastles in the Sand” ever happened.

Each time ol’ Sparkles comes to town, we get a look into what the Canadian 90s pop music scene was like, and this week was no exception. It looks like Robin Sparkles went all Alanis Morissette, rebranding herself Robin Daggers, and releasing the song “P.S. I Love You:”

You, you’re beautiful
On your pedestal
I see you
You don’t see me

Am I just too young
Or just too dum [sic]
Or maybe just too grungy

I’m wearing my flannel
And I’m thinking of you
I’m lacing my boots
And I’m thinking of you

(interrupted)

I’ll never move on
It will always be you
Every guy that I’m with
I’ll be thinking of you
If I get married
He’ll always be second to you
I’ll always be waiting for you

P.S. I love you

The law can’t stop my love
I’ll fit you like a glove
Restraining orders don’t scare me

The lawyers at the record company
Made me promise to say that
“The views expressed in this song do not necessarily reflect the views of Dominant Records or any of its subsidiaries.”

I’m totally a slacker
And I don’t even care
With my curling ‘zines
And my faraway stare
But deep down inside
Yeah, deep down inside
I’m dying

I’m trapped in a cage
Of the tears I cry
I’m praying to God
But SHE doesn’t reply
Even the robot says
“MOVE ON”
I’m trying!

P.S. I Love You

And just because I know you’ll be looking for it, here are the guys people it was speculated “P.S. I Love You” was about:

• William Shatner
• Knowlton Nash
• Joshua Jackson
• Toller Chanston
• Ryan Reynolds
• Gordon Lightfoot
• Corey Hart
• Danny Gallivan
• Brian Mulroney
• Ed Robertson
• Wayne Gretzky
• David Suzuki
• Howie Mandel
• Brad Roberts
• Fergie Olver
• Mel Lastman
• Neil Young
• Mike Myers

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It’s funny how quickly things could change. It was just last week that we lived in world where Lance Armstrong didn’t dope, and Manti Te’o actually had a girlfriend. Mostly, though, it was just eight days ago that I was a card-carrying member of the group of How I Met Your Mother fans that believed that the titular mother would eventually be revealed as Barney’s half sister Carly.

I jumped on board this particular theory as soon as the episode introducing the character first aired. It was a throwaway line as we learned more about Jerry Whitaker’s family. Just enough of a clue for people who pay close attention, but nothing overt and obnoxious; if producers Carter Bays and Craig Thomas were going to throw fans a bone, this is the way they’d do it.

But last week, a solid piece of evidence seemed to put that theory in doubt. In a flash forward, we learned from guest stars Rachel Bilson and Kaylee DeFer that Ted’s soulmate would be playing in the band at Barney and Robin’s wedding. It would really stretch the imagination for Barney’s half-sister to get a gig playing at her half-brother’s wedding from a random third (fourth?) party.

But the events of “Ring Up” have finally definitively disproved that theory. It had been speculated — especially amongst the more ardent supports of the Carly theory — that Ashley Benson would be playing Barney’s half-sister ever since her guest role was announced; it was teased that she had a connection to Barney in some unknown way. As someone who really took the theory seriously, I didn’t think there was any way she could be playing Carly, as it would basically disprove the possibility that she could be the mother.

That was about the only thing I was right about.

At least Bays and Thomas had a little fun with the story. It was hard not to giggle when Barney rolled out the impromptu wedding for the couple. It’s obvious that the two were aware of the theory and camped it up for the audience. A couple of “I Dos” were all that stood in between Carly fulfilling the destiny imagined by so many fans – well, that, and rings, families, yellow umbrellas, that pesky marriage license and, oh yeah love.

It think the reason I though it would work out the way it did was that it was the only way there was any mystery left to the identity of the mother. At this point, it’s just a matter of marking off the checklist of clues the show has provided throughout its eight-season run. We know when, where and how they’ll meet and how fate brought them together. At this point, the only mystery left is who Bays and Thomas will cast in the role.

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New Favorite Friendship: Ryan and Anne, Go On
If at this time this year you had told me that there would be a middle-aged lesbian on my television, let alone on a show with as much diversity as Go On, and that she’d be handled well, I’d have asked what crazy optimism drugs you were on and where I could get me some. But Go On has really steadily delighted me this year, way more than I thought it would. Not only does Ryan feel very different from Chandler (something I needed from Matthew Perry but wasn’t sure I’d ever get), but his friendship with Anne is exactly what this show needs. Because healing through therapy two sides, really. (And oh, as someone who’s been in therapy over 75% of my life, I could write odes to how well psychological conflict is handled in this show.) There’s the blind, almost childlike belief needed to make a leap of faith that the rest of the group represents, but there’s also always that cynicism and grounded practicality that most of us have trouble letting go of. And watching Ryan and Anne not just fall headfirst into accepting every bit of feel-good advice Lauren dispenses is what makes this show work so well and keeps grounded instead of veering to the saccharine.

The “This Has Gone On Too Long” Award: Barney and Robin, How I Met Your Mother
Normally when it comes to TV relationships I am all about the slow burn. Bring it! Make me suffer!  Pining is great! But Barney and Robin have been jerking us around for seasons, and on top of that, we’re aware Barney and Robin are on a ticking clock of needing to be headed towards marriage or engaged by spring. How’s that going to work? Or are we just going to not see them date until May? And if that’s the case what will the storyline of the final season (next season, presumably) be? Can they just get together now already? Because while I appreciate the parallel of Robin sexily putting herself out there at Barney’s door and when she came to his door way back in Season 4 during “Shelter Island”, crying and vulnerable, and he turned her down then as well (because Barney seems to self-sabotage anything that’s not Robin genuinely wanting him and not just when she’s feeling needy, which is pretty cute), that really hit it home that this needs to be over already. Robin and Barney need to settle down, Ted needs to solve finding the mother, and this series needs to wind it down.

And Patrice? Seriously? He was on a date with Patrice? NO ONE ASKED YOU, PATRICE.

Most improved: Suburgatory
Remember how terrible I said last week’s Suburgatory was? Well, change that to “delightful” and that’s how great this week’s was. It was like a jumbled, chaotic mess of delight. Ryan finds out he’s adopted, hides with a still-heartbroken Malik and decides to change his name to Eugene Goldfarb! He prints business cards! The wonderful parallel of him losing himself just as Tessa finds herself by realizing maybe having a mom isn’t everything she thought it would be! And so sue me, I’m rooting for those two crazy kids to work together.

My one complaint was that this episode seemed way, way too short. Dalia’s side story about wanting her maid/housekeeper/nanny/stand-in mother Carmen back was sweet, and the viral video she made was frankly delightful, but it almost felt like it deserved its own episode to get a moment to really shine. But seriously, if my only complaint about an episode is that too many awesome things happened? That’s a damn good episode.

Most Underrated Actor: Nat Faxon, Ben and Kate
Can someone please explain to me why everything Nat Faxon says is the greatest thing I have ever heard? Why do I suddenly want to cast him in everything? I don’t get it. It’s not like the other characters or actors on this show are lightweights when it comes to being endearing, and yet something about the way Faxon plays Ben makes me willingly abandon any and all problems I would normally have with his character (too frivolous! too silly! caricature!) and makes him the greatest part of every episode besides Kate’s wardrobe — which I covet shamelessly. But I think the moment that sealed it for me was that, in spite of a very, very strong episode this week, the most I laughed was at the ending tag where Ben just goes around naming trees and then says “take that, Dad! Who can’t name trees now?” (or something to that effect, I forgot to DVR it and it’s not on Hulu yet, work with me.) It shouldn’t have been the funniest part of the episode! It had no right to be! And yet, it absolutely was.

My disappointment with the Emmys has reached mythic proportions, and while my Nick Offerman for Best Actor in a Comedy quest is the hill I will probably die on, I hope and pray that Nat Faxon and his crazy brand of what can only be witchcraft at least get a well-deserved nod.

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I know it is hard to believe, but there’s more to How I Met Your Mother than the reveal of the titular mother. Ted’s story to his children has framed HIMYM for going on eight years now, and for many fans meeting the mother is the main reason they watch the show. While I’ve gotten irritated with showrunners Carter Bays and Craig Thomas in the past, it’s primarily been because of how they personally hinted that a particular season or episode would further the story along, only for nothing to happen.

In the eighth season premier “Farhampton,” fans get another glimpse of Ted’s future wife, but a familiar yellow umbrella obstructed her face. I doubt that was enough for fans who desperately want to meet the mother, but I was content with the way the episode ended. To me, there are seven reasons that I watch the show that don’t involve the mother of Ted’s children:

1 – Barney Stinson. Neil Patrick Harris has created one of my favorite sitcom characters of all time. What started off as a one-note – albeit a hilarious one – has become a much deeper character than I think most fans expected. His on-again/off-again relationship with Robin has precipitated much of this change, but his growth as a character has been about more than his “relationship status.” Barney has obviously always been a guy with significant daddy-issues, and his story arc of meeting his father has been an important part of his growth. Most impressively, the writers have been able establish this arc without changing Barney from the totally awesome barnacle we’ve known – and loved – from his first, “Haaaaaavveee you met Ted?”

2 – Continuity. I’m not sure I’ve ever watched a show that rewards its long-time fans the way HIMYM does. Sometimes it is something simple, like bringing back fan-favorite Victoria (Ashley Williams) for an extended arc. Or – though I doubt the hair and makeup staff would call this simple – it is the dogged historical accuracy of Lily’s hairstyle during the myriad flashbacks the show employs. Mostly, though, it is how the show will seed a storyline and come back to it several episodes – or seasons – down the road. On any given day, Marshall can turn around and slap Barney silly, a new Robin Sparkles single could drop, a yellow umbrella or pair of red boots could be sighted, or Ted and Marshall could be munching on a sandwich and fans would just “get” what’s going on.

3 – Non-Linear storytelling. How I Met Your Mother has long mastered the art of non-linear storytelling. While Lost may have soured audiences on flashbacks and flashforwards, I’ve always been a big fan of the art of telling a story out-of-order only to have it make sense in the end. Last season’s “The Burning Beekeeper” was a great example of this approach, even if I found the episode less enjoyable – particularly in the humor arena – in subsequent viewings.

4 – Ted’s luck with the ladies. As much as Ted can’t seem to keep a girlfriend, he’s had incredible luck finding them in the first place. If you don’t believe me, just check out an image created by reddit user Bennold. Boy’s got more skill than Barney gives him credit for.

5 – Use of other media channels. HIMYM is not afraid to branch out past the 22 minutes of episode each week to craft its story. Sure, some of these items are profit driven – like the “Barney Stinson” authored books The Playbook, The Bro Code and others — but there’s also Barney’s Blog hosted at CBS.com (sadly no longer updated) and myriad other websites and videos the production team has put together.

6 – Cobie Smulders. If there is anything I’ll take away from this show when Future Ted finally finishes his story, it will be a big fandom for Smulders. I’m not always the biggest fan of where the writers take the character but I really like what she brings to the role. The show features five actors with very different comedic approaches, but manages to mesh them together in a hilarious way. Smulders particularly shines in this regard.

7 – Classic Schomsby. Savvy readers will note that there’s very little – if any – mention of Marshall and Lily on this list. Long-time readers know the reason, but for you new folks out there: I love Jason Segel and Alyson Hannigan, but can’t say the same for how the couple has been written for the past several years.

What do you think? Are you one of those hard-core fans who feels like they’ve been burned time and time again by Future Ted’s meandering storytelling, or are you like me, just appreciating the ride?

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