Some of you may remember Jay Black from the old days of TV Squad, or maybe from the PodClack and Hungry Trolls podcasts he did for us, along with a brilliant post thrown in here and there. Or maybe you just know him as stand-up comedian Jay Black, showing up in a town near you, or even Vegas (baby)! I’ve even caught his act a couple of times, when he’s been in my neck of the woods — he’s damn funny! I love him! He’s gotten funnier every time!

And then there’s Meet My Valentine.

Airing on the ION Network Friday, February 6th — a week before Valentine’s Day — Meet My Valentine stars Scott Wolf (V, Party of Five) as artist Tom Bishop, Courtney Ford (Revenge, True Blood) as his wife, chef Valentine Bishop, and, of course, Jay Black as Tom’s best friend, stand-up comedian Mac Brown.

Now, you’re thinking, “Hey, this title sounds like it’ll be a great date movie; perfect for Valentine’s Day! I’ll cozy on up by the fire with my lady/man/cat friend and have a swell ol’ time. I mean, hey, it was written by — and stars — a comedian! What joy!” I wouldn’t blame you one bit for thinking that. Deb and I sure thought something along those lines, minus the fire part, because we’re lazy and the fireplace has books stacked in front of it.

But we’re all DEAD WRONG!

First of all, remember that good looking dude I mentioned as the main character of the movie? Right, Mac Brown — we’ll get back to him in a bit. But the other dude, Tom Bishop: it turns out he has terminal cancer, with only months to live. Still, it’s gonna be funny a funny movie, right? Because my friend Jay Black wouldn’t steer me wrong, making me think funny Jay Black would put a sad, sad movie in front of me and MY WIFE after years of convincing me he was a funny-as-hell comedian.

Alright, so what’s next? Oh yes, Mr. Bishop has an eight-year-old daughter, Phoebe, who he’d be leaving behind after he’s dead and gone. And the realization hits Tom: Valentine’s hot, and his best friend is essentially Jay Black in the flesh, except this Jay Black is single. So, “shit,” he thinks. “I’d better get a say who shacks up with my soon-to-be-widowed Valentine NOW!”

And that all sounds like it could be funny, right? Because we’ve seen Jay Black, and he’s funny. Well, it doesn’t quite go down like that. As Deb put it, this was a “five tissue-er” of a movie. At first I raised an eyebrow to this term, but then was quickly reminded that tissues were for wiping away tears sometimes.

As you begin to watch Meet My Valentine, you might be thinking this Tom is somewhat of a dick, because he barely has anything to do with his wife as it is, and now he’s muscling in to take further control of her by sneaking some new guy into her life that HE pre-approves of. Then Jay Black hits you across the face with the side effect of this: Tom — in trying to learn more about his wife that he’s since forgotten over the years — starts to pay more attention to her, causing both of them to fall back in love with each other again. Damn you, Jay Black! We were ready to just sorta despise this guy and watch him die, and now we have to care about him? That’s not funny! Crap!

I don’t want to get too much more into the plot of the movie, but you can see it for yourself Friday night (I’m told it’ll also be available on Amazon, GooglePlay, iTunes, VHX.TV, Vimeo and VUDU beginning February 7th). It’s even got part of Jay’s act, so there’s that bit of no-tissues-needed comedy to look forward to, and makes it so it’s only 99.9% of a cry-fest.

There is definitely a demographic that this movie is going to appeal to: those who LOVE a cry-fest and will not be so lazy as to keep those books stacked up in front of the fireplace, and WILL light that fire, and WILL cozy up to it with their cat friend(s). Anyone with a family and kids, though — like Deb and I — might walk away from this one wondering the same damn thing:

Mr. comedian Jay Black, why are you liking to make us cry?

As a general rule (and I’ve said this several times before in previous reviews) I’m not an altruistic comedy film watcher. On occasion I will enjoy them, but the times are few and far between when I’ll plunk myself in front of a big or small screen to catch one.

But How Sweet It Is (via HSII co-writer and CliqueClack contributor Jay Black) piqued my curiosity. This was as good a time as any for a “once in a blue moon” venture into comedy, I figured. And with it being a musical to boot? Well, a little added bonus to wrap my head around.

When I read the premise of the film (“An alcoholic theater owner needs to put together a successful musical in order to pay off his mob debt, but problems arise when the wise guys want to cast their friends in the production”) I figured it could either go one of two ways: Pure cheese-fest or surprisingly workable. I wasn’t planning on getting a little bit of both. Throw in the sidelines of a father/daughter reconnection and some emotional interjection and there was more … well … just keep reading …

Did the premise work? Joe Piscopo, playing down-on-his-luck Jack Cosmo, pulls off some nice lines and workable scenes when he goes mano a mano with mafioso Big Mike (Paul Sorvino). The supporting cast solidly works off each other with the majority of their well-placed zingers and one liners hitting the mark. (We can thank Jay Black’s years on the comedy circuit — along with fellow writer and director Brian Herzlinger — for those spots gelling as well as they did.) I’ll point out, however, many of the comedic elements were realized in the trio of Big Mike’s son (also a Mike played by Michael Paré) and mooks Greg (Steven W. Bailey) and Tim (Steven Chase, the late Jack Klugman’s cousin as it turns out). During the auditions, I actually guffawed several times as Jack began putting his show together. The sight of the little person who came out with a dummy was enough to get me chuckling, but the unexpected ending to his particular audition is the reason I was glad I wasn’t drinking anything at the time. (One of those guffaw moments.) And Jonathan Slavin as “methed up” crackhead Clifton was over-the-top funny throughout. So yes … the premise worked in that regard.

Additionally, there were build-up side stories between Jack and his daughter Sarah as well as she and rookie FBI agent Ethan that mostly held water as the film progressed.

Where things got messy was at the culmination of the musical production Cosmo put together during the last 20 minutes or so of the film. It was just this side of painful. The numbers brought on the cheese-fest I’d been looking for at the start … and at full bore. Actually, I got a whiff of things to come when Jack pulled out a little mini showpiece early on giving Ethan a taste of Jack’s history. Still, the interlude wasn’t that bad … a typical “jazz hands” number. But “the show” in and of itself wasn’t my cup of tea … and I suspect it didn’t go down well in many others’ cups, either.

To be fair, there was spectacle in the song and dance performances. And there was scenery. And effort. There was even some emotion tossed in for good measure. But the sum of all these parts didn’t add up to a razzle-dazzle showcase worthy of the cheers Big Mike was kudoing its way.

In many respects, How Sweet It Is aped some of the best elements of a mob comedy, Analyze This for example. (I would go so far as to also note there were nods to The Sopranos on several levels, not the least of which was Sopranos alum Louis Lombardi being one of the more obvious ones, despite the fact he was on the other side of the fence as an FBI agent.) But the film lost me during the finale — the payoff of Jack’s number stumbled and came up short.

But I’m not letting it spoil the fact I saw some spiffy talent and laugh-out-loud worthy interplay throughout.

How Sweet It Is debuts in New York, Los Angeles and Bergen County, NJ (!) Friday, May 10th.

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Last year, our own Katie Schenkel met our comedy writer extraordinaire Jay Black. As with Katie, Jay noticed one of his shows occurred in my area and invited me along for the ride. As it took place in my old stomping grounds, of course, I had to attend.

But, I was a little afraid. I’m not going to lie. In fact, I had several pre-show fears all lined up:

#1) What if I’m offended?
If you haven’t guessed by reading even ONE of my posts, I’m a card-carrying member of the feminist brigade. I still believe Wonder Woman should wear straps and Superman should rock heels. I totally expected to absolutely hate it, bristle in umbrage, flying tackle him and fist punch him to the ground halfway through his set.

Answer: I wasn’t offended in the slightest. He was fucking hilarious. Even with the joke that he claimed might offend women, he set it up so gradually that you couldn’t take offense. And, on that joke, he’s totally right. But, I’ll deny it in public. He apologized later for making such dirty jokes to me, which surprised me because a) that’s his job, b) I’ve read his posts and CC e-mails and c) that was the CLEANEST set I’ve seen. In fact, I’m offended I wasn’t offended. Seriously, Jay, step it up.

#2) What if he isn’t funny?
I know. I know. His posts are hilarious. Sure, he’s done a pretty good job on the comedy circuit (OK, an awesome job), but some humor doesn’t translate to the stage. I remember seeing a pre-30 Rock, post-Uptown Comedy Club Tracy Morgan live. It was horrendous. It surrounded two hours of watching a drunk man play with his penis (metaphorically and otherwise) and fondle his naked torso. Seriously, I STILL want my money back. I finally realized Tracy Jordan’s a comedian I should enjoy on TV, not in reality. But, I still feared … what if Jay’s someone I should read, not watch?

Answer: He wasn’t just funny, he was fucking hilarious. Seriously, even when he stepped outside his typical routine, you couldn’t tell, because everything looked polished, confident and flowed seamlessly. His transitions: awesome. His connection with the audience: amazing. He used levels on stage: the floor, kneeling, squatting, standing and sitting. I did five years of improvisational interaction at local ren faires. It’s hard. But, everything he did looked easy, natural and heartfelt. He didn’t pretend not to notice details in the audience and was honest. Mentally, I smirked about the 10-year-old-looking faux brick wall with the 70s fluorescent stripes (what is it with brick walls and racing stripes at comedy clubs?), which he called out during his routine. Plus, all of his jokes connected back to each other. It was a masterpiece.

#3) What if the other comedians aren’t funny? Jay’s show took place not in the suburbs of Philly, but the suburbs of the suburbs. While I love and have a history with the town he performed in, let’s just say Podunk doesn’t cover it. Bumblefuck does. I kept thinking, can D-Town really attract decent talent? I saw an abysmal amateur hour in the heart of Philadelphia last year. Each act proved increasingly worse (including the headliner) until I came down with a major case of stone-face-itis. I deliberately facially killed many an act that night. I feared sitting in the D-Town audience for two hours and sharing my stone-face epidemic with the audience.

Answer: The other two comedians weren’t just funny, they were fucking hilarious. Clearly, I need to drive to the wilds of outer Philadelphia to find good comedy. In fact, my favorite joke included a cancer one which no one in the audience liked. It was FUNNY, people!!!

Side note: The club’s waitress was amazing. She thought I over tipped her (and tried to give a dollar back). She also offered to get me coffee from downstairs when I asked if they sold any. They didn’t. (Side side note: what is up with comedy clubs and no coffee?, don’t they want us AWAKE and watching their performers?! DON’T THEY?! Actually, never mind on that.)

(This post contains 2 pages. Please visit the website to continue reading. Thank you.)

1. I’m doing the CliqueClack podcast, which is like “voice-writing” (which is what I’m sure it would have been called if Isaac Asimov had predicted podcasting in the 1950s).

2. I have a wife and kids who, despite my many protestations that I will most likely be like Judd Nelson’s dad from The Breakfast Club, still want me to “do stuff with them.”

3. I am lazy on a scale that can’t be fully comprehended via the written word (try listening to my voice-writing in the above link!).

4. I’ve been writing movies.

Now, it’s to that last point that I’m writing this little post. I won’t go into the whole history of the thing as that would take this thing into “full-fledged public masturbation” mode, but here’s the highlight: there will be a movie released next year that I wrote with Brian Herzlinger and that he directed.  It stars Paul Sorvino, Joe Piscopo, Eddie Griffin, Erika Christensen, Michael Pare, Louis Lombardi, Steven W. Bailey, and Erich Bergen. You can check out the trailer above.

Hopefully you’ll like it.  If you do, please post many comments to that effect (under several aliases!). If you don’t like it, please disconnect your keyboard until the urge to destroy my soul goes away. (Ah, you know what, now that I think about it, go ahead and post.  My soul is already pretty destroyed from years of stand-up comedy.  I don’t even know what my own laugh sounds like any more.)

Thanks for your time and hopefully I’ll be able to do my writing for CliqueClack soon!