Tonight on the tube: Knight Rider, Christine, CSI: NY and more!

by Jason Hughes

Reuters

8:00p/7:00 Central

The three night premiere of ABC’s Dancing with the Stars concludes tonight with the elimination of a second couple. I’m not sure why cutting two couples in the opening week is a good idea, but I’m sure the ratings boost from three nights of Stars can’t hurt.
Over on NBC, we’ll see if it was just nostalgia and curiosity that turned last year’s movie into a hit, or if people really are clamoring for the return of Knight Rider. I’m tuning in, but worrying that I may be witnessing the next Bionic Woman.
FOX keeps things rolling with a new Bones, featuring the team tackling the case of the headless sci fi writer.
CBS offers up the season premiere of The New Adventures of Old Christine, in which the much touted marriage between Christine and best friend Barb takes center stage. Coupled with Christine is the new series Gary Unmarried. In fact, it’s almost the same show, except that it’s from the divorce ex-husband’s point of view (Jay Mohr), rather than the ex-wife.
Or, if you need reality surprises in your life, there’s always America’s Next Top Model on The CW, featuring not one but two eliminations!

9:00p/8:00 Central

The final five take the stage as NBC’s summer series America’s Got Talent approaches its finale. Also closing in on crowning its own winner is Bravo’s Project Runway.
There’s a bevy of reality with Discovery Channel’s Mythbusters, Sci Fi’s Ghost Hunters and History Channel’s MonsterQuest. From deciding if monsters or ghost are reals to trying to debunk myths, it begs the question … why are all these shows on at the exact same time?
But if those aren’t amazing enough for you, then you might be ready for David Blaine’s next amazing “trick.” ABC thinks you are, that’s why their giving two hours to David Blaine: Dive of Death. You know, the stunt where he hangs upside down for 60 hours minus drink breaks and crap. The guy’s a total tool and ABC should be ashamed of themselves.
Hell, you’d be better watching the FOX one-two punch of subpar comedies that is ‘Til Death and Do Not Disturb. And that combo gets worse as the night progresses. In fact, at 9:30p/8:30 Central you should probably switch over to A&E and catch Dog the Bounty Hunter instead.
SHOWTIME continues to take all the buzz from HBO, this time literally by taking Inside the NFL, which is about as good a sports commentary show as I’ve ever seen. Unless you hate football. Then it probably sucks.
What’s that? Procedural withdrawal? Never fear, Criminal Minds is back. The most cerebral of the procedurals, the show still suffers without Mandy Patinkin, but this return promises to address the fate of the BAU after the explosive climax last year.

10:00p/9:00 Central

If you’ve had enough of the pretentious “magician” David Blaine, perhaps you’d like to switch over to A&E and catch a couple of back-to-back episodes of Criss Angel: Mindfreak. Sure, he’s just as pretentious and annoying, but at least he does magic tricks.
CBS drops Mac Taylor into a really bad spot on the premiere of CSI: NY. Meanwhile, the Sons of Anarchy continue to try and regain control of their organization and town over on FX.
If you’re more into the gentler dramas you can check out Mary Tyler Moore (hopefully with her arms covered) and Rosie Perez guest-starring on the season premiere of Lipstick Jungle on NBC.
Sci Fi keeps seeking answers with Destination Truth, while the History Channel explores what might have been in the dinosaur age with Jurassic Fight Club.
For real fighting, you can’t go wrong with Spike TV’s The Ultimate Fighter. This reality competition promises to be much more brutal, but probably not as photogenic as The Real World/Road Rules Challenge over on MTV.
Bravo offers up another fashion-related competition show with Top Design, while Lewis Black asks us which is more evil: strip clubs or sororities (I didn’t know there was necessarily a difference) in Comedy Central’s Lewis Black’s Root of All Evil. Maybe the contestants of Top Design should design stripper outfits. Or have they done that already?

11:00p/10:00 Central

If you’re confused by any of the things you see on tonight’s schedule, maybe you need to tune into Manswers on Spike TV. It’s the only place to go to get the answers to the questions we really want to ask, but were always afraid to. Or got in trouble when we did.