Seriously people: Season eight? ABC makes the inexplicable decision to pull three quality shows from its lineup — Pushing Daisies, Dirty Sexy Money and Eli Stone — and decides instead to air double episodes of According to Jim all winter long?
As if there aren’t enough reasons not to watch According to Jim, you could simply forgo just to rebel against ABC and their crappy decisions regarding their lineup. But if you need something else to do so that you don’t watch, try these on for size.
1. Flea-dip your dog.
2. Re-watch your Cop Rock season one DVD.
3. Replay the Rosie Live recording that you just can’t get off your DVR.
4. Begin your presidential campaign.
5. Combine various cleaning products into one bucket just to see what happens.
6. Have a staring contest with an inanimate object.
7. Attempt to will your brain to die.
8. Alphabetize your TV on DVD collection.
9. Pop in Buffy the Vampire Slayer‘s season four masterpiece, “A New Man,” and watch Giles as a Fyarl demon terrorize Professor Walsh, again, and again, and again. Ah, the power of the rewind feature….
10. Learn Beyonce’s entire “Single Ladies” dance.
11. Make a list of things to do instead of watching According to Jim.
12. Just for the guys — contemplate why you have nipples.
13. Just for the gals — celebrate the fact that you don’t have a penis.
14. Translate this post into binary.
15. Gouge your eyes out with a rusty spoon.
16. See how far you can shove a toothpick under your fingernails, and make a graph charting the measurements for each finger.
17. Wash the kitchen floor, even the grimy corners that are hidden under the cabinets.
18. Scrub behind the toilet, and get that gross hard water ring off the bowl (for which you’ll need sandpaper, bleach, chewing gum and a paper clip).
19. Watch reruns of MacGyver.
20. Clean out your gutters. With a toothpick on a pole.
21. Telemarket.
22. Play Candy Land with your son, 47 times in a row, sneaking the ice cream cone picture card into your son’s turn so that he wins every time.
23. Learn Chemakum or some other dead language, then dedicate a blog to Tracy Newman written in it.
24. Finish this year’s Christmas shopping, then next year’s.
25. Learn to play Beethoven’s Symphony No. 3 in E Flat Major on a kazoo.
26. Re-take the ninth grade.
27. Pray for HUGE pectoral muscles.
28. Experiment with skipping the show and watching the commercials on your DVR.
29. Turn off the TV, and try to quietly reflect on how you got to a point in your life where you would even want to watch According to Jim.
Clacked by Debbie McDuffee
on Dec 02, 2008 @ 14:00 EST5EDT
Oh please stop picking on According to Jim. Some of us like those 30 minutes on predictable laughs no sense plots. It’s not their fault that Pushing Daisies, Dirty Sexy Money, and Eli Stone got canceled. If anyone is to blame it’s those reality shows like Wife Swap, The Nanny, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, and 2 hours of DWTS.
Wow … I think you might be one of my new heroes with this list :)
I’ve got #30 for you … clean the “whatever it was at one point” that is currently fused to the bottom of your oven that you’ve been neglecting to clean since you moved into your apartment 4 years ago.
#31 read Wishful Drinking, by Carrie Fisher (feel free to add an affiliate link here ;-) )