I’m normally a well-balanced person. I have a healthy relationship with my family, a group of good friends, even a German Shepherd. What could be more normal than that? But for two hours a week (on Tuesday nights …) I become another person. The weird thing is, I never know who that person’s going to be.
American Idol‘s performance show is the impetus for my multiple personality disorder. It’s like a Pavlovian trigger … no sooner does one of the contestants take the stage, and I begin. One minute, I’m throwing mean-spirited verbal barbs at my television set; the next, I’m weeping tears of joy for the underdog’s stellar performance. What is it about Idol that prevents me from watching and remaining on an even keel?
I have a conspiracy theory that there’s something hidden in the American Idol theme song that acts like an unconscious trigger, activating the frontal lobe and sending all of our higher level mental functions into a confused state. It’s like a temporary lobotomy, or maybe the opposite of one. Social norms are cast aside, we no longer care about what is acceptable behavior and we are free to scream at the TV with wild abandon.
Now that I describe it, it’s almost what happens when the greater percentage of American males watch football, isn’t it? So if we can just use that voice mapping software to find a tonal match between the American Idol theme song and John Madden‘s voice, we may have just uncovered the biggest conspiracy since According to Jim‘s resiliency….
Clacked by Debbie McDuffee
on Mar 21, 2009 @ 13:54 EST5EDT
