American Idol – The “Magnificent” Seven

Quentin Tarantino on American Idol.

Because … nothing says American Idol like Quentin Tarantino.

(Or Steve Van Zandt, for that matter. At least Van Zandt is in a band, though.)

This was a painful and dreary American Idol episode folks, completely devoid of anything close to something watch-worthy. You could have missed this week’s segment and you wouldn’t have been any worse for wear. *yawn*

Allison “Red” Iraheta — “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” Aerosmith

*zoinks* I haven’t heard Red sing any worse than this yet this season. Only goes to show there’s a first for everything. Looks like her inexperience and age showed this time around. Thing is, her worst is oft times others’ best.

Anoop Desai – “Everything I Do, I Do It For You” Bryan Adams

Well, here’s a first: Anoop singing better than Red. And out-singing everyone else this evening. Whoduh thunk it? The command Allison lassoed during the past weeks was stolen by Anoop. He did spectacularly better than previous performances. Dare I say better than anyone else when all is said and done? Yes …. yes I do.

Adam “Screaming Mimi” Lambert — ”Born To Be Wild” Steppenwolf

So, the last two weeks of Adam appearances have actually been enjoyable. This time he was back to his usual screaming theatrics.

And there was something different about Adam, too — he sounded rather shallow and frantic, as if he was pushing a bit. This was not a good performance by any stretch of the imagination … I don’t care how much Pauler screamed and flashed her pearly whites from behind the judges table.

Quiet over there, Pauler! You’ll break that dog collar you have on …..

Matt Giraud – “Have You Really Ever Loved A Woman” Bryan Adams

Yup. If I was a woman, I would want nothing more than to have someone mumble and stumble the words of this song at me. Or yell it at me. Or gush it at me. This was one big craptastic mess of a tune from beginning to end.

I could practically hear someone in the audience yelp: “Attention! Clean up on Aisle Five!”

Danny “The Gokester” Gokey — “Endless Love” Lionel Ritchie

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

Felix The Cat came up to the Idol mansion during the week, knocked on the door and Danny answered. Felix held out his bag of tricks and asked Danny to pull a song out. The problem? That’s what Danny got — a trick. A trick that didn’t work. Period.

“Tamber”? “The tamber of your voice”? What the hell is tamber, Pauler? It’s timbre as in “timber,” not tamber. *yeesh*

Kris Allen – “Falling Slowly” Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová

McSnoozefest! Good Gordness, I almost fell asleep during Kris’ performance. So did my hearing. And my right leg.

Lil Rounds — “The Rose” Amanda McBroom

Let’s use that one word over again: Craptastic.

Yes, I know I used it above for Matt’s performance, but it bears repeating because Lil was even more craptastic than Matt.

Can’t anyone see she cannot, cannot, cannot sing anymore? Lil didn’t know if she was coming or going with the tune. Worse, she tried to justify it afterward … and no one was buying her justification. Lil not only closed out this episode of Idol, she punched her time card on the show as well.

WowZah. Anoop the best, Lil, poorest.

See you on tour, Lil.

Clacked by Michael Noble
on Apr 15, 2009 @ 16:00 EST5EDT