My favorite Supernatural quotes

This winter hiatus of Supernatural‘s is just wrong. It’s turned me into a weirdo, or even more of one than I already was. Last night, I literally went back through every one of my Supernatural virgin diary entries to re-live the episodes in capsulated form. Supernatural, I miss you, but I totally don’t have time to re-watch all past seasons before January 21.

While I still may re-watch some favorites, like “Mystery Spot”  and “Ghostfacers!” — and really, who can make it through a holiday season without enjoying “A Very Supernatural Christmas” again? — somehow, through all the clingy obsession of last night’s romp, the episode quotes came leaping off the laptop screen at me, longing for a post of their own.

There are lots of sites dedicated to Supernatural quotes, but these are my favorites, suspiciously all from Dean (Sam relies more on situational comedy and facial expressions), and suspiciously none until season two (somehow I think there was a my bad in there somewhere, but maybe you could all help me out with some of your favorite season one quotes).

Season Two

Just after I typed into my notes that Dean lurking about was like Patrick Swayze in Ghost, Dean breaks the glass in John’s hospital room and says, “Dude, I full-on Swayze-ed that mother.” – Dean as a ghost

“Do you see me messing with crystals or listening to Yanni?” – Dean, when Tessa (the reaper in disguise) asks if he’s a new age-y guy

When Andy mind-controlled Dean into giving him the Impala: “He full-out Obi-wan-ed me!”

“It’s the Stay-Puft marshmallow man.” – Dean, upon finding ectoplasm

“That’s not school — that’s Schoolhouse Rock.” – Sam to Dean, when he asked if he ever paid any attention in history class

When Sam sees the “angel”: “OK, Ecstasy Boy, maybe we’ll get you some glow sticks and a nice Dr. Seuss hat.”

“You know, just once I’d like to round the corner and see a nice house.” – Dean

“Barbara Eden was hot, wasn’t she? Way hotter than that Bewitched chick.” – Dean, when Sam tells him they are probably dealing with a genie.

Season Three

“What’s in the box?” – Dean, like Brad Pitt in Seven

“God knows I’m going to be smiling after 24 hours with Gumby Girl … Gumby Girl. Does that make me Pokey?” – Dean

“Dude, could you be more gay?” – Dean to Sam, when he retells the story of Cinderella

“The hand of glory? I think I got one of those at the end of my Thai massage last week.” – Dean

“You know, when this is over, we really should have angry sex.” – Bella, upon seeing Dean in a tux
“Don’t objectify me.” – Dean

“You fudgin’ touch me again, I’ll fudgin’ kill ya.” – Dean to Mrs. God

“I had a weird dream.” – Sam
“Yeah? Clowns or midgets?” – Dean

Season Four

“I should look like a ‘Thriller’ video reject.” – Dean

“You were supposed to take care of her, not douche her up.” – Dean to Sam, when he sees Sam put an iPod jack in the Impala.

“I thought angels were supposed to be guardians — fluffy wings, halos … you know, Michael Landon, not dicks.” – Dean to Castiel

“Mom is a babe. I’m going to Hell. Again.” – Dean

“So you guys are like Mulder and Scully or something, and the X-Files are real?” – Jamie, guest bimbo
“No, The X-Files is a TV show; this is real.” – Dean

“I don’t want some giant, pissed off flaming teddy on our hands.” – Dean, when discussing how to take care of the bear

“An angel and a demon riding in the backseat. It’s like a setup to a bad joke. Or a Penthouse forum letter.” – Dean, driving with Anna and Ruby in the backseat of his car

“Strippers, Sammy, strippers. We’re on an actual case involving strippers. Finally.” – Dean

“First it’s Madison, then Ruby, now Kara. What is it with you banging monsters?” – Dean to Sam

Dean sticking his ghost hand into ghost Sam’s body:
“Dean, get out of me.” – Sam
“You’re such a prude.” – Dean

“You guys don’t walk enough. You’re going to start to get flabby.” – Dean to Castiel, after Uriel flies away

Season Five

“You gotta calm down.” – Sam
“Calm down? I’m wearing sunglasses at night!! You know who does that? No-talent douche bags! I hate this game! I hate that we’re in a procedural cop show and you want to know, to know why … because I hate procedural cop shows! There’s like 300 of them on television and they’re all the freaking same. It’s, ‘Oh, plane crashed here.’ Oh shut up!” – Dean

“I didn’t know what you were. Have you seen you? You look like….” – Sam
“The old chick from Titanic. I know, shut up.” – Old Dean
“I was going to say Emperor Palpatine.” – Sam

“Rhonda Hurley. She made us try on her panties. They were pink … and satiny … and we kind of liked it.” – Present Dean convincing Future Dean that he’s from the past

While last night I learned that Dean is truly the quote king, Bobby really gave him a run for his money in season four:

“I’m just wondering … the apocalypse nigh and all, is this really the right time to be having this little domestic drama of ours?” – Bobby

“Let me look it up in my demon detox manual — oh wait, no one ever wrote one.” – Bobby to Dean on how to help Sam

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you willingly signed up to be the angels’ bitch? What? You prefer sucker?” – Bobby to Dean

“They’re supposed to make you miserable — that’s why they’re family!” – Bobby to Dean, about Sam

OK, and one from the first episode of season three: “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” — Bobby, from Animal House

And I can’t forget to include some classic quotes from characters that aren’t in the Winchester family circle:

“Hoard toilet paper. Hoard it like it’s made of gold.” – Future Chuck’s investment advice for Present Dean

“I need you to get a message to Sam and Dean. OK?” – Carver
“Look Mr. Edlund, yes I’m a fan, but I don’t appreciate being mocked. I know that ‘Supernatural’ is just a book, OK? I know the difference between fantasy and reality.” – Becky
“Becky, it’s all real.” – Carver
“I KNEW IT!” – Becky

“Did you really have to live through the bugs?” (“Yes.” – Dean) What about the ghost ship? (“Yeah, that too.” – Dean) I am so sorry. I mean, horror is one thing, but to be forced to live bad writing….” – Chuck the author

“Writing yourself into the story is one thing, but as a prophet? That’s like M. Knight-level douchiness.” – Chuck

“Don’t you recognize me? Oh, I forgot, I’m wearing a pediatrician.” – Alastair the demon, to Dean

“You gotta go be gay for that poor dead intern. You gotta send him into the light.” – Harry to Ed, on getting Corbett out of his death loop in season three’s “Ghostfacers!”

“Does anyone have a breath mint? Some guts got in my mouth while I was killing my way in here.” – Ruby

“Here’s Johnny!” – Pride Demon, from The Shining, in the opener of season three

Did I miss your favorite Supernatural quote? Share it with us in the comments.