CliqueClack TV

To my local stations: snow more snow references snowready

Snowmageddon, Snowpocalypse, Snowventure -- just some of the ways East Coast news outlets are describing the current bout of snow storms.

To the local news affiliates within the East Coast Megalopolis:

As I sit here watching the snow cover the last exits out of the house while my family fights over the last square of toilet paper I am internally fuming.  And not because I’ve been stuck in the house for three days with my kids (who I love, but need to give away right after this storm ends). My anger is at you and the way you have been categorizing the winter storms that have graced our part of the United States.

It seems that you’ve lost your dictionaries and decided to replace the beginnings of words with the word ‘snow’. For instance, I’ve heard “Snowpocalypse,” “Snowmageddon,” “Snownuff is Snownuff,” “The Snow Snowmen of the Snowpocalypse” and “Snowrapture.”  In fact, I could swear I heard one reporter, who had been outside in the blizzard for 12 hours straight, scream at his warm and cozy anchor, “Snow you, you snowhead!”

Really, it has to stop!

Contrary to what you believe, we know it’s snowing out. We’ve seen it out our windows, we’ve shoveled it off our driveways (and subsequently been put into traction) and we’ve done donuts on it in our minivans. Our hallways are filled with rock salt stains, our supplies are dwindling, and we haven’t seen a blade of grass (even dead grass) for three months. There’s really no doubt in our minds at this moment.

Which is why I wonder why you’re taking all this time, effort and, I’m sure, money to make up these silly snow-related names. Oh, and while I’m on the subject of your storm coverage, I’d like to know why you’ve blanketed the airwaves with non-stop broadcasts? You may not know this, but there’s this amazing thing called the Internet that keeps all of us up to date with what’s going on in the weather world. In fact, you promote this wonderful technology constantly on your broadcasts. So, why interrupt Let’s Make a Deal and Sexy Bimbos of Buffalo for round the clock coverage? Hey, if we have a power outage we’ll have a better chance getting information from our cell phone browsers.

We get it: this is an unprecedented winter storm season that is making those Global Warming folks look a little lame. Yes, information is power and you should do all you can to make sure your viewers are prepared for what’s coming. However, this needs to be done with more class. Snow, let snowgones be snowgones and lets snowve on snow we can snow at snow with snow.

Dammit! Now you have me doing it! You snowers!

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10 Responses to “To my local stations: snow more snow references snowready”

February 10, 2010 at 6:06 PM

Not to make you feel bad, but our 10 inches up here in MA turned out to be about 2 pathetic inches over the course of the day. Unless we get slammed overnight, which doesn’t appear to be the case, our snowpocalypse was snow lame! ;-)

February 10, 2010 at 6:19 PM

Little League baseball starts tomorrow here, and it should be about 70 degrees. ;)

February 10, 2010 at 7:16 PM

I guess you never liked “The Smurfs” either then, eh? :-)

Smurftastic post!

February 10, 2010 at 7:24 PM

*puts out lounge chair ….. slathers self in suntan lotion ….. sets pink lemonade with little umbrella in it next to him ….. puts hands behind head ….. sighs contentedly from California*

February 10, 2010 at 9:39 PM

Until the state falls into the ocean from an earthquake. I rather have the snow. :-p

February 10, 2010 at 8:07 PM

Personally I found humor in the Washington Post’s name the storm – the latest – Snoverkill. Really get some humor about a snow season they will be talking about for the next one hundred years.

February 10, 2010 at 8:22 PM

What I hate are the giant graphics the locals put in the upper left corner of the screen telling us it’s snowing during the shows! Last week during the “Lost” season premiere, Baltimore viewers got so upset about the giant snowflake on screen that they called, texted and Facebooked the ABC affiliate and they actually took the graphic off! Power to the people!

February 10, 2010 at 8:46 PM

I live in Western Mass, 6-12 inches they said yesterday. I think we might have gotten 1/2 an inch.

My favorite are the CT stations, they name the storms themselves, this is Winter Storm Barbara!!! They do special reporting all day for the snow storm of 6 inches of snow. They did it once for about 3 inches, it was stunning how people act like it’s the end of the world.

February 10, 2010 at 11:02 PM

“Up next is it snowing right now in your area? Stay tuned to find out.” Dumbest thing I heard a local reporter say.

February 15, 2010 at 8:12 AM

Averaging about 80 degrees here, although we did have a lot of rain the other day.

I still miss the snow, but not as much with all the news lately.

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