Television is better with monkeys

If you really think about it, there aren’t too many “sure” things in life. But … there is one thing I am pretty certain about:

Monkeys.

Monkeys, you see, make just about anything better.

Why do you think Career Builder uses monkeys in their commercials? Because they make their commercials better. They make people smile. They’re fun and they’re funny.

Why do you think there are so many monkeys on birthday and greeting cards? Because people enjoy them. Come on: How can you possibly avoid smiling when you get a monkey greeting card? E-mail notifications? Better with monkeys on or in them. Sock monkeys? Best cuddly security-blanket-comfort-piece ever developed for children. You think Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp of the 1970’s would have been as popular if Agent Link had been an aardvark? No. Why? Plain and simple: It’s because Lance Link was a monkey. End of story. And riddle me this: What attraction is the most popular at the zoo? The monkey house, of course.

So, while perusing the most recent What’s This Show Called? post from CliqueClack’s very own Aryeh (and despite the fact that I hadn’t seen a single episode), I knew — instantaneously — Million Dollar Money Drop could be improved with a simple name change and the inclusion of (you guessed it) monkeys. The name change? A no-brainer: “Million Dollar Monkey Drop.”

I caught my first glimpse of the show Tuesday evening. And (invested as I was in that initial viewing) it was apparent the addition of monkeys would make the show that much better. Example: Instead of the “money drops” currently set in place, any bundles of cash lost after the answer reveal would be, instead, scooped up and frantically tossed over the side railing by manic, screaming monkeys. (Not exactly a money “drop,” y’unnerstan’, but adventure-filled, fun, and frolickous just the same.) After the team of monkeys have had their moment of mayhem, the show returns to its next question (should there be any money left for the contestants to continue playing with). Come on! Tell me that’s not an outstanding use of monkeys on the show! Who couldn’t be on board with that … ?!? Say it with me: “Million Dollar Monkey Drop.” I see you smiling!

Let me go a few steps further:

How about some of the shows currently giving us fits with their convoluted or disappointing story lines or characters? You got it, Mombassa: Just add monkeys.

Think of it: The Event. Jersey Shore. The Cape. Bleep My Dad Says. I’m not going to get into the logistics of how or where or when monkeys could or should be put into these shows. Suffice to say that’s best left to the writers and the viewers. As you’re perusing one of these programs, just step back in your mind and consider: “You know … I bet that last scene would have been ten times better with monkeys in it …” I’m confident you’ll agree.

How ’bout fan-favorite Lost? How much better would the finale of that series have been with our simian friends in it? At the very least ushering everyone “toward the light,” hand-in-paw? Veronica Mars? You betcha. Twin Peaks? Toward the very end, absolutely. How about CHIPS, as expertly demonstrated in the photo above? (To be fair, however, I don’t think anything could have helped Cavemen or Friends.) The possibilities are endless. I would like to hear some of your wonderful suggestions and scenarios below in the comments section.

So … the next time someone says to you “Isn’t that awesome?” I want you to do this: No matter what it is they’re talking about that’s so awesome — a television program, a movie, a presentation at work, anything — may I humbly suggest you respond thusly:

“You know what would be even more awesome? Million Dollar Monkey Drop….”

Clacked by Michael Noble
on Jan 19, 2011 @ 17:50 EST5EDT