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Gossip Girl – So, you go to things like this every week?

It's about time we had another party. Wait, there was one last week? My bad. But at least this one has live music! Also, Chuck and Blair hatch a lukewarm plot ... I know, I'm missing the drama too.

- Season 4, Episode 14 - "Panic Roommate"

I’m not sure whether or not this is just a lull before the ride to the finale, but I felt as though Gossip Girl had another tepid week. The one plus? Chuck and Blair reunite as partners-in-crime. Other than that, there was nothing terribly exciting. No blasts, even! (Anyone else feel as though Gossip Girl’s role is getting heavy on narration and light on sabotage?)

Okay, I have to get this out of the way: Why does it seem like every episode begins with Chuck and Raina getting it on? And how do they manage to do it when her necklaces are laden with jewels the size of meatballs? I have to say, I’m not really interested in their “relationship,” nor in the whole Thorpe Enterprises storyline. However, Chuck actually seems genuinely taken by Raina, even though he’s allegedly sleeping with her for “business reasons.” He even smiled with his teeth! (Ew …) He spoke in a voice above a creepy whisper! I suppose in certain scenes (such as their lunch date and their interlude in the Palace kitchen), they tried to make her seem like an actual human and not just a player in Chuck’s extravagant game. Weird choice of details though … I keep picturing her sitting in the corner of the hotel kitchen, carving her name into the wall with a salad fork. Well, when you’re up against a Bass, you’ve got to match him in childhood trauma.

The other semi-“interesting” storyline involved Serena and … zzzzz … oh, sorry. And Ben. And Dan getting all protective. Damien conjured up his own version of Fight Club by demanding that Eric punch him “in the face as hard as [he] can.” Um, some originality in word choice, please? But really, while watching this feud come to a head I couldn’t help but laugh at Damien, who reminded me of a cheesy ’80s villain. He’s so … little! And orange, especially next to pasty Eric! (Was he wearing self-tanner?)

Maybe it was the somber, acoustic version of Florence and the Machine’s “Cosmic Love,” or the fact that everyone ganged up on an ex-con and then realized they were wrong, but this party was sort of … depressing. I guess they can’t all be great. And Blair’s ploy to get  Epperly laid didn’t really pan out, which is weird, because Blair usually gets what she wants. (Although, in reality, how could Epperly ever be into Nate? Not only does she tower over him, but he was wearing a green flannel when they met! What is this, St. Patty’s day in 1993?) However, Blair’s totally undeserved promotion was better than a non-negative performance review, right? Even she can’t handle all those phones.

Other random observations:

  • Where was Lily in this episode? Well, I guess Raina had enough oversized jewelry for the two of them. And to be honest, I couldn’t deal with another Serena/Lily or Rufus/Lily conflict tonight. It’s getting exhausting.
  • Does Eric realize that his main role in this show is to get screwed over?
  • Ben just might be the most unattractive Serena-suitor ever.
  • Another Vanessa-less week! YES!
  • I find it really hard to believe that none of these people have upgraded to anything other than a BlackBerry. Come on, Upper East Siders! Get an iPhone, or at least a Droid!
  • Okay, this is my husband’s input, so it’s sort of cheating: Dan is the Brandon Walsh of Gossip Girl … right down to the sideburns.


Photo Credit: Giovanni Rufino / The CW Network

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