Masterchef – I don’t want to choke on your chicken!

Alright. I’m completely juvenile, I admit it. When Masterchef judge and sarcastic king Joe Bastianich said the headline above to an abashed female contestant during the second of the two challenges last night, I snarfed mightily. It hurt. I may have a hernia. We’ll see. If I do, I smell a potential lawsuit. It’ll be great! I’ll make CNN, and win a boatload of cash, like that McDonald’s person with the hot coffee in their lap. Then I can buy the  island next to Johnny Depp’s island, like I’ve always dreamed of.  I’ll keep you posted.

Meanwhile, here’s some of my brain matter concerning the show …

A.) The Apple Challenge: The remaining 38 contestants began by chopping apples for hours until they almost cried. I found it interesting here, that one of the goals of the challenge was to uniformly cut the apple, without wasting any of it. Yet! How many apples were wasted by the producers for that one money shot at the start? You know. When the truckload of apples were dumped at everyone’s feet? What happened to those several tons of apples I ask? Were they donated? Did the judges take the rest to their respective restaurants for 50 thousand pies? Or can you say “apple landfill?”

The supposed goal of this challenge was to test the cook’s knife skills, precision, and focus. I don’t know. I guess these things are important. But I saw an awful lot of potential booted out the door over “a stupid f@#king apple,” as one woman said.

B.) The Chicken Challenge: Now this made more sense. The twenty-four still standing had a smorgasbord of ingredients to chose from, and one hour to make “the chicken dish of their lives.” We all know from last season, that the main focus of the dish needs to be the “hero.” A lot of contestants missed the mark. And one who advanced (Suzy) actually scared me when the judges messed with our brains at first, and everyone thought they’d be killing fouls. “I was actually hoping we would butcher a live animal,” she said. Yergh! Okay there, Hannibal Lecter!

C.) Some I Like Leave And Some I Like Stay: I’m still on board with Adrien, Ben the travel writer, and Giuseppe. And I still hate Max. They’re all going through. I was sad to see Alligator Albert go.  I thought eighteen year old Seby really had a chance. Joe, the man with the sick wife was also sent packing. That was expected, but I was a-rootin’.

So now we’re down to the final eighteen. My, they’re coring and paring right and left on this show. Let’s just hope they don’t put any living and moving animals around Suzy.

I’ll talk to you next week, unless I’m in the hospital with my hernia. *wink*

Clacked by Tara Shrodes
on Jun 15, 2011 @ 10:00 EST5EDT