MasterChef – Mystery boxes and the French mistake

I think this is the perfect time for you to start tuning into MasterChef if you’re not hooked already. You see, now is the time for the challenges. And not just cutting the perfect apple or making a lovely chicken dish. No. We’re getting technical now. The judges are upping the level of creativity and skill being asked of the contestants, and (thank goodness) there’s not so many people to keep track of. In short, it’s starting to get fun.

I can tell the producers are setting us up to intensely dislike both Max and Suzy, who … um … intensely dislike each other. They each can’t see how obnoxious they personally are, but are quick to point it out in each other. “I am the best chef here by far.” “Growing up in Manhattan, I’ve experienced the best of fine dining … blah blah.” “My dishes are restaurant quality.” I just mixed up their quotes, because it doesn’t matter who said what. I still want to pour a bowl of vichyssoise down their pants. But we’ll get to the French cuisine portion of the show a bit later.

The first challenge, brought back from last year, was the Mystery Box. I don’t know why I capitalized that. It just felt that important to do so. I like this challenge, because I know I could never do it, and it separates the men from the boys. Er. The wheat from the chaff. The Angelina Jolies from the Kathy Griffins. Aw, you know what I mean. It’s hard!

The contestants were asked to make the best dish possible from the contents of the box. These included asparagus, salmon, pistachios, strawberries, fennel, pastry, dill and potatoes and such. I can tell you right now, I would have just eaten the pistachios and roasted them some asparagus, sloppily kissed Gordon Ramsay and hightailed it outta there. Luckily, these people have more pluck.

I was chagrined at one of my favorites, Ben the travel writer, as apparently he had the worst dish. Suzy the Arrogant, Christian, and Jennie were the top three. Christian won, I think because the judges always like good basic food, with lots of “levels of flavor.” He roasted the salmon, encrusted it in nuts, and added some fennel and potatoes. I have to say, I just tried fennel recently, and I found it disgusting. Why don’t I just sautee some licorice in olive oil? Yergh. But what does my palate know?

Christian, as a reward, was exempt from elimination and did not have to participate in the next challenge. He did choose the the style of cooking for the other contestants though — French. Well. Voulez-vous couchez … sorry.

Poor Angel tried to make a tart, and her tart part failed. I hate it when that happens. And Mark “committed a cardinal sin” according to judge Joe Bastianich. See, his potatoes weren’t quite thick enough, so he added raw flour! Sharp intake of breath! By the reaction of all three judges, this was akin to plowing down an old lady with your car. Or putting real bologna in your bolognese!

So their aprons were ripped off and they were strangled with them by the other contestants. Hey! Just checking to see if you were paying attention. No. They just had to leave the show.

Now we’re down to sixteen. Do you have one you’re watching closely yet?

Clacked by Tara Shrodes
on Jun 21, 2011 @ 01:15 EST5EDT