The Phynx is the craziest movie you’ve never seen

If you’ve been following my posts here on CliqueClack, you know that I have a love for some off-the-wall movies and the amazing offerings from the Warner Archive Collection. Back in September I was crazy for a 1960s musical called The Cool Ones. While looking through the Archive Collection’s recent releases, a title caught my eye and I knew I just had to see more after reading the description. The movie is called The Phynx.

To say that this movie is just off-the-wall does it a huge disservice. This movie is completely off the rails … and I love it! The plot, such as it is, goes something like this: America’s biggest, most beloved entertainers are being kidnapped by Albania for reasons unknown. A US spy organization, the SSA (Super Secret Agency) has tried to send an agent (Lou Antonio) into the country to retrieve the stars, but to no avail. To come up with the best solution, the head of the SSA, Bogey (Mike Kellin, doing a really bad Bogart impression), consults a super-sophisticated computer called M.O.T.H.A. (Mechanical Oracle That Helps Americans) — which is shaped like a woman with tape reels and plastic cones for breasts — which comes up with the answer (on a punch card retrieved from its, uh, nether regions): create a fake pop band that is so popular they are invited to play a concert in Albania.

Sounds simple enough, but finding four clueless college students to “recruit” for the cause isn’t so easy as they’re all pretty much against The Establishment. They’re put through military training by actor Clint Walker (“I was drafted … again!”), taught “soul” by Richard Pryor, self defense by Harold “Oddjob” Sakata, and music by Trini Lopez! (Music producer Phil Spector apparently wanted nothing to do with the movie, so actor Larry Hankin channels Spector as Philbaby.) Once they learn “The Farmer in the Dell” and get the go-ahead from Dick Clark, The Phynx bursts onto the music scene as the newest pop sensation. Of course they finally get the invite to play in Albania, but they have to make a stop in London to acquire a map … which is tattooed on the stomachs of the daughters of another agent, Foxy (Martha Raye), who is accidentally shot by Bogey before she can give them their names.

The Phynx finally get to Albania to rescue the beloved celebrities, and here’s where the real head scratching comes in because the intended audience for this movie would probably have had no idea who most of these people were: George Jessel, Dorothy Lamour, Colonel Sanders (!), Butterfly McQueen, Xavier Cugat, Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy, Patty Andrews from The Andrews Sisters, Johnny Weismuller and Maureen O’Sullivan (Tarzan and Jane!), Busby Berkley (and his original Golddiggers!), Marilyn Maxwell, Ruby Keeler, Rudy Vallee, Andy Devine, Joe Louis, Pat O’Brien (who quips that if fate had been kinder, Ronald Reagan would be there instead of him!), Huntz Hall and Leo Gorcey, and The Lone Ranger and Tonto (the only two to be referred to by their character names). Seriously, did the filmmakers think the teenagers of 1970 would really know who these people were or care? The film is also peppered with cameo appearances that could make your jaw hit the floor: James Brown, Ed Sullivan, Rona Barrett, Guy Lombardo, Ultra Violet and Joan Blondell among them. I couldn’t help but wonder how on earth all of these people were convinced to appear in this movie. Classic movie fans would be in heaven seeing all of these stars together in one place, but teenagers?

The film has a very definite late sixties/early seventies vibe to it, particularly in its very transparent aping (no pun intended) of the creation of The Monkees. The film has a style that reminded me of the TV show The Monkees, with a bit of Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In and Barbarella (particularly the music) thrown into the mix. The color palette of the film does lean towards the psychedelic. But something happened to the film on the way to cinema screens — it was never released. There’s never been an official theatrical release of The Phynx, and while there is no definitive reason as to why, it apparently had something to do with a regime change at Warner Brothers with all of the old regime’s films given limited release or just stashed in the vaults, never to be seen.

But thanks to the Warner Archive Collection, movie and music lovers now have a chance to feast their eyes on this cinematic masterpiece (and keep in mind that art is in the eye of the beholder). Some may consider the movie a train wreck that should have stayed in the vault, while others will find themselves captivated by the sheer lunacy (and number of stars) being put up on the screen. The film really does defy description, because no words could ever describe what director Lee H. Katzin, primarily a TV director, was able to commit to film. Add in some catchy (or awful?) pop tunes by the legendary Leiber & Stoller (“Hound Dog,” “I’m a Woman,” “Jailhouse Rock,” “Love Potion #9,” “Dance With Me,” “The Boys in the Band”), costumes by Donfeld (Wonder Woman, Spaceballs) and editing by Dann Cahn (I Love Lucy) and you have a recipe for … brilliance … disaster … something indescribable that you can’t tear your eyes away from? All of the above!

The Warner Archive Collection DVD release looks terrific for a film that never got any respect from its studio, but considering it barely saw the sprockets of a film projector, it’s not a surprise the film is in such good shape (it has also been newly remastered for this release). The film is presented in a 1.85:1 aspect ratio with the original mono soundtrack, but the music and voices are very well-balanced. Unfortunately, there are no extras included on the DVD but I would love to see a documentary about how this film came to be (if there’s anyone associated with it who is still alive). As it is, The Phynx is another exemplary release from the Warner Archive Collection and if you like your movies just a little off-kilter then this one is a real gem.