Quotation Marks – Veronica Mars Week edition

The writing was always one of the best parts of watching any episode of Veronica Mars. Showrunner Rob Thomas and his team wrote some of the best witty banter television had seen since the first couple season of The West Wing (and, admittedly Gilmore Girls). We’ve culled through three seasons worth of quotes for some of our favorites. Look at these, and share with us in the comments your favorites.

Season One

“Congratulations, you’re my volunteer. Pope. ‘An Essay on Man.’ Epistle I.” – Mrs. Murphy
“Hope springs eternal in the human breast; Man never is, but always to be blest: the soul, uneasy and confined from home, rests and expatiates in a life to come.” – Veronica
“And what do you suppose Pope meant by that?” – Mrs. Murphy
“Life’s a bitch until you die.” – Veronica

“That might play with the masses, but underneath that angry young woman shell, there’s a slightly less angry young woman who’s just dying to bake me something. You’re a marshmallow, Veronica Mars. A Twinkie!” — Wallace

“I suddenly feel like I’m in a scene from The Outsiders.” – Wallace
“Be cool, Sodapop.” – Veronica

“Have you been playing nice with the other children?” – Keith
“You know Dad, I’m old school, an eye for an eye.” – Veronica
“I think that’s actually Old Testament.” – Keith

“[in voiceover] You know those people who can predict when change is coming in their life? I’m not one of them. Change has a way of just walking up and punching me in the face.” – Veronica

“Don’t you watch any horror movies? My soul is doomed to walk the earth until justice has been served.” – Lilly
“Really?” – Veronica
“Yeah, that, and as kinda a side project, I dispense fashion advice.” – Lilly

“Mr. Echolls, I was wondering if I could have a word?” – Mr. Clemmons
“’Anthropomorphic.’ All yours, big guy.” – Logan
“Oh. [fake laughs] Your father has generously offered to donate a pair of boots for our school fundraising auction.” – Mr. Clemmons
“Not the ones made for walking? God, I love those boots.” – Logan

“Let’s do something normal fathers and daughters do.” – Keith
“Buy me a pony?” – Veronica
“I was thinking I’d watch TV and you’d rub my feet.” – Keith
“Hmm. Yeah, that’s normal.” – Veronica

“Come on, you’ve wanted [a waterbed] since, like, you were 5 years old.” – Keith
“I also wanted to marry Vanilla Ice and build the world’s largest collection of Z-bots.” – Veronica

“[tilts head] Hey.” – Veronica
“See, there you go with that head tilt thing. You know, you think you’re all bad-ass, but whenever you need something, it’s all [mimics Veronica’s head tilt] ‘Hey.’” – Weevil
“Just be glad I don’t flip my hair. I’d own you.” – Veronica

“So, what made you decide to be a cop?” – Veronica
“Uh, well, it’s the same old tired story. I was sent here by the agency to do a strip-o-gram for Inga, an armed robbery call came in, I figured I was in uniform anyway, so what the hell.” – Leo
“So you’re saying you just kind of stumbled into it.” – Veronica
“Oh, what I’m trying to say is… This uniform? It’s a tear-away.” – Leo

“So how do you wanna play this?” – Keith
“I say we play to our strengths.” – Sheriff Lamb
“So I’m good cop?” – Keith

“[from her jail cell] Hi, Dad. Their case is fuzzy and circumstantial.” – Veronica
“[to Cliff] You know the odd thing? Those were also her first words.” – Keith

“Hey honey, what’s cooking?” – Keith
“Not sure myself. Something that ends in -aroni.” – Veronica

“Have you heard from your sister?” — Aaron
“She sent a telegram. Heartbroken. Stop. Can’t make it back from Sydney. Stop. Underwater shoot starts tomorrow. Stop. Entire crew said prayer for Mom. Stop. Love you. Stop.” – Logan
“Logan….” – Aaron
“Stop?” – Logan

[Veronica sets off a dye pack breaking into Keith’s safe]
“Hey, honey. What have you been up to?” – Keith
“Tell me where to put your Father of the Year trophy, ’cause there’s some place I’d like to put it!” – Veronica
“Wow. Good thing I didn’t go with the bear trap.” – Keith
“This is not funny! I need to see that diary! She’s lying. I know it. I can feel it with every fiber of my being.” – Veronica
“Honey, you don’t have to get all blue in the face.” – Keith
“You’re patronizing me?” – Veronica
“To be fair, I am your patron.” – Keith

“Can you do me a weird favor without asking any questions?” – Veronica
“Isn’t that the bedrock upon which our friendship was founded?” – Wallace

“You do not want to start today with me, Paco.” – Logan
“Are you sure? It was in my day planner under ‘Goals.’” – Weevil

Season Two

“Sheriff wants to ask you some questions.” – Deputy Sacks
“My answer was final. I will not go to prom with him.” – Veronica

“Didn’t your dad say that the cigar store’s a front for drug dealers? I mean, that’s gotta be something.” – Logan
“Or not; sometimes a cigar store is just a cigar store.” – Veronica

“Wait a minute. Are you like, sleeping with my little brother? What is he? Thirteen?” – Trina
“Thirteen? He wishes. So, is this your much older sister I’ve heard nothing about?” – Kendall
“Oh, yes, where are my manners? Kendall Casablancas, Trina Echolls. Rode Hard, meet Put Away Wet.” – Logan

“And that is why the Phoenix Land Trust is where you should put your money.” – Kendall
“I’m confused. You’re talking and your clothes are on. I’m starting to think you really came over here to try and sell me real estate.” – Logan

“I need your help.” – Weevil
“Ah, if I had fifty bucks every time someone said that.” – Veronica
“Look, I know it’s a drag being you, and….” – Weevil
“No, seriously; I’m gonna need fifty bucks if you expect me to keep listening.” – Veronica
“Well, I’m banking on curiosity getting the better of you….” – Weevil
“[Veronica hesitates, and then waivers] Alright tell me! Damn my curiosity!” – Veronica

“You know, I’m not sure, but I think when they start shipping your girlfriends off, you are officially a bad boy [they high-five].” – Veronica
“Her dad and your dad should get together and go bowling.” – Logan

Season Three

“[in voiceover] The ’70s had the Hustle. The ’80s: the moonwalk. We have the faux-lesbian dance.” – Veronica

“You plea bargained down to assault?” – Veronica
“And now I’m working at the car wash. Which, as it turns out, is not as fun as the song might sound.” – Weevil

“Is this the help desk? ‘Cause I need a little help.” – Logan
“Let me guess: you have this pathologically suspicious girlfriend and you hope maybe there’s a guidebook?” – Veronica
“No, it’s more like, uh… what’s beyond pathological?” – Logan

“This is a bad idea.” – Veronica
“No, it’s not.” – Keith
“You only think it’s not because you came up with it.” – Veronica
“Ergo, how could it be bad? Math, sweetie. Me plus idea equals good.” – Keith

“Dick, not only did Chip get Kojak’d, someone put a Roman numeral on one of those little plastic Easter eggs, and stuck it in his… where-the-sun-don’t-shine place. And you know where that is.” – Dick
“Worst. Easter Egg Hunt. Ever.” – Veronica

“I’m fine.” – Veronica
“I know. We know. But it’s okay if you’re not.” – Mac
“I’m fine. Seriously. I just told the two of you because I thought you should know. I’m not looking for a pity party.” – Veronica
“That’s good, ’cause I always get stuck blowing up the pity balloons.” – Wallace

“Always looking for a crime where there isn’t one. Think you need a new hobby, Keith.” – Sheriff Lamb
“Oh, I don’t know. I find solving an investigation very relaxing. You should give it a try some time.” – Keith

“I need to see the sheriff.” – Keith
“I don’t know, Keith. He looks kind of busy.” – Deputy Sacks
“Well, that’s something I gotta see.” – Keith

“Man, you get everyone to confess.” – Veronica
“I think it’s the uniform. Do you have anything to confess?” – Keith
“Yes. You embarrass me.” – Veronica

“[sighing] I have to, have to, have to go to my morning classes tomorrow. I’m getting lost in the “sex-nap-eat-repeat” loop. I’m in the porn version of Groundhog Day.” — Mac
“Poundhog Day?” – Max

“Hey, did anyone else hear there’s gonna be a Matchbox 20 reunion show?” – Mac
“So? Rob Thomas is a whore.” – Piz
“Yeah.” – Mac