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Has Gossip Girl turned into an after-school special?

Except for a few shining moments between the Dictator of Taste (Blair) and the Williamsburg Weasel (Dan), this episode was full of lectures and predictable story lines. And, oh, yeah, there was a party at the end.

- Season 4, Episode 13 - "Damien Darko"

This week’s episode of Gossip Girl had me scoffing a bit too often. I’m not sure whether it’s the acting that threw me off, the predictable spectacles (such as Serena showing up in yet another flesh-revealing dress at the W party), or the weird, preachy moments. Aside from a few great quotes, I sort of felt that the show presented like an after-school special.

My favorite storyline of the episode was the competition between Blair and Dan during their W internship. These two (are we calling them “Dair” now?) are funny to watch, although honestly, Blair just doesn’t do scheming well unless Chuck is involved. Which might have been why she was actually civil towards Dan in their quest to find the best author to impress their new supervisor, Epperly Lawrence (Caitlin Fitzgerald). (The civility ends when Blair starts clawing at Dan in front of Editor-in-chief Stefano Tonchi and they both become W roadkill.)  Dan’s best line was, “It’s got to be a clean fight. Do you understand that, as a concept?” Interesting, since he was the once who succumbed to sabotage this time around.

Dan plays metrosexual very well in this arena. Can we just say … proper identification of a mustard Marc Jacobs shoe, a cappuccino foamed to perfection, and a graphite cable-knit cardigan? Yep. Well, either that or he’s actually gay.

I enjoyed the first scene between Blair and Dan, with their playful debate about movies (“That dreck puts the ‘ick’ in ‘esoteric'”) and art exhibits. As they parted ways on the street I admired the great contrast in their personalities; it’s Blair’s sassy cab-hail juxtaposed with Dan’s use of a coffee cup to accentuate his conversation (you can picture it, I know you can!). These little quirks are arts their characters have mastered. Just as Rufus and Lily have mastered the art of eating unnecessarily extravagant breakfasts. And no, I’m not going to talk about the possibility of Blair and Dan hooking up. At least not yet.

Can I just say that I’m actually happy to have not seen Vanessa and Jenny again this week? I know it’s kind of incomplete without the two of them, but it’s … oddly nice. It’s sort of like when you leave your phone at home to run an errand, and you notice it’s missing, but at the same time you feel a sense of relief to be away from the drama for a few minutes.

The majority of the acting tonight was forced and cheesy. Nate’s dad whines to his son about ratting him out to Chuck (“I think I’d rather live in a halfway house than live with someone who halfway trusts me”); Blair waxes philosophical about following her dreams (“If you really want something, you don’t stop for anyone or anything until you get it”) and Ben plays teacher with Eric (“When you do things that betray who you are, it can become very difficult to recognize yourself”). And then, of course, there was this great, simple one-liner by Rufus to his stepson: “Are you doing drugs?” Sorry, drugs are no laughing matter, but that one made me giggle.

And Rufus. What in the world? Not only do you buckle to each and every woman who gets in your face and agree with them despite what you thought five minutes ago, but you gave Ben the keys to your loft? To like, live there? It’s like you’re saying “Hey buddy, I know you were accused of having sex with my daughter, but how about you come have sex with her for real now? In my apartment?”

Ben, by the way, was eerily boring until the last scene, where he goes postal on Damien. Do we foresee a psycho Ben in our future? I sure hope so!

Favorite quote of the episode goes to Eric, upon discovering that Lily tried to give Ben money as a bribe to stay away from their family: “Mom paid someone off again. Well! We should make this a drinking game.”

Photo Credit: Giovanni Rufino / The CW Network

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