The Office – How many crotch grabs did Dwight need for confirmation?

I’m beginning to wonder what the last couple of seasons of The Office might have been like had Dwight consistently played a more prominent role. Last night the show once again put on a subpar episode, but Dwight just killed it … so much so that I collected a ton of quotes just from him.

Andy’s idea for a fake phone call was a Michael Scott original, but just think for a moment how the same scenario would play out as performed by Michael and Pam: Michael asks Pam to fake a call. Pam initially resists and advises against it, but ultimately agrees. She interrupts Michael’s meeting to feebly inform him of the call, and after he refuses to take it she walks out before Michael can draw her into an embellishment of the call’s importance. Been there, done that, laughed every time.

With Erin and Andy, the roles are almost reversed. Erin’s the one who builds a too-big imaginary balloon, while Andy’s just along for the ride. “Your mother is dead?” Roping Dwight in for a fake condolence, and getting Darryl to actually be on the phone? I’m sure Erin fans enjoyed it, but it only served to remind me of how comically a different twosome would have done the same thing.

Pam’s story wasn’t so much fun, particularly because she’s not much fun anymore. Pam feeling self conscious about how she looks nine months pregnant doesn’t make her brow-beating Jim into admitting he finds her replacement Cathy (Lindsey Broad) cute a funny story line. Dwight was the only thing that made it funny, and even he was fighting a tough battle, what with all the ancillary nonsense Pam threw into the mix.

Pam and Dwight’s conversation about Pam’s level of attractiveness was hilarious, and I loved Dwight’s ground rules for their working together: “Our only loyalty is to the truth … We stop at nothing … Don’t fall in love.” That should totally be on a t-shirt, and for a few brief moments he breathed life into Pam.

The lie detector test was okay, although it was very funny that Dwight’s idea of a makeshift device was a pharmacy blood pressure test. But the absolute best part of the episode was Dwight’s attempts to grab Jim’s crotch. Repeatedly. How many times did he get him? Four? Five? And then the intense stare while Dwight transparently pretended to examine a document while bending over his desk? The entire escapade was the funniest moment of the season, by far.

The idea of Andy, Darryl, and Kevin playing together in a band (whether or not the name “Kevin and the Zits” was agreed upon, Darryl!) was awesome. Everything else about it? Quite bad, and so very sad. The only good parts ot that story were: a) Kevin playing the drums (and eating) at his desk with the two chicken drumsticks; b) Kevin yelling “Screw you” at Val after she complimented their playing; and c) Kevin’s drum-off and him throwing his sticks at his drum set at the end.

But talk about some great quotes!

“Well, he’s probably a drug dealer. That’s the best way to land a hot girlfriend; you just, uh, you get her hooked on blow.” – Gabe, on Cathy’s boyfriend

“I never touch a pregnant woman.” – Dwight, rejecting Pam’s offered high five

“Jim has no discernible sense of humor, Pam. You should know that.” – Dwight

“Does your husband have very soft erections? Cause if not, I just grabbed a very soft penis for nothing.” – Dwight to Pam (AWESOME!)

“‘Stop shoving me’, ‘stop grabbing my penis’. Grow up.” – Dwight to Jim

“It’s important to go [to the doctor] every month, get your prostate checked. You could do it at home by yourself with your finger. You just stick it right—” – Dwight to Jim and Pam

Clacked by Aryeh S.
on Nov 11, 2011 @ 15:10 EST5EDT