There’s only one excuse to watch Excused

I’ve never been a fan of the network dating shows like The Bachelor, The Bachelorette or Average Joe, although I was drawn to the whole trainwreck nature of the Flavor of Love series and its various spin-offs (although I stayed away from Rock of Love). However, I did get a kick out of ElimiDate, Blind Date with its snarky Pop-Up Video-style graphics, Hell Date (which was more of a prank show complete with a little person dressed as the Devil!), and Ship Mates, which was hosted by a then relatively unknown (and a bit chunkier) Chris Hardwick. All of those shows at least had some laughs with the drama and kept everything to a nice, compact half-hour format.

But with the demise of Blind Date a couple of years ago, there hasn’t been much in the way of syndicated, 30-minute dating shows … until now. I actually stumbled across the new dating show, Excused, while watching The Soup and I knew I had to give the show a shot. The set-up is two people, either guys or girls, are looking for love (in the most wrong place ever … on TV), a group of potential mates comes to the mansion, addresses the guys/girls via security camera outside the door, and the decision is made to let them in or excuse them. Four come in, two are then excused after checking out their video profiles, then the couples go on dates, swap partners, and then a decision is made to excuse on more person. That person then gets another one-on-one date and then they have the power to excuse on of the two who selected them in the first place, and then that person is either waiting outside or has, in fact, excused the person who ultimately chose them. Whew!

A far as dating shows go, this one has probably the lamest dates I’ve ever seen. The show is actually so compact, that it seems like the couples only hang out for a couple of minutes before switching and they only go to local bars, restaurants or spas. The final one-on-one dates are usually in the house where the show is filmed, and again are very short (although it all takes place over the course of a day because it’s dark by the time the final person is chosen/excused). I know, I know, you’re thinking this all does sound really lame and why am I wasting my time watching this and telling you to watch it. Two words: Iliza Shlesinger, the host (and the season five winner of Last Comic Standing). Iliza is sharp as a tack and almost always has some kind of snappy send-off for those who are excused. She has come up with some great lines that have left me gasping and having to pause the show because I’m laughing so hard. And as a bonus, we get to see a lot of the unused send-offs during the end credits. The show is playing in a lot of markets now in the 10 PM – Midnight timeslot, so if you want a few good laughs before bed, check your local listings for Excused, forget about the dates and just tune in for Iliza. Below are some of her funniest comments from the shows that aired this past week (and do check out the official website for some of Iliza’s best moments):

• “Nice hair. Somewhere there’s a horse missing a tail, and it’s mad that you put highlights in it.”
• “When you buy the Justin Bieber home hair kit, you have to read all the directions.”
• “She’s dead to you. This is dating, not summer camp.”
• “Literally, from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet, it’s a giant no.”
• “I feel like you need … a bra.”
• “Your eyes make you look like Bernie Mac. Rest in peace.”
• “Sorry, sir, Far and Away called, they want their extra back.”
• “You look like John Cusack and Beef Jerky had a baby. You’re excused.”
• “I didn’t know vampires came in Irish.”
• “Your hair and your beard are thin. Kind of like your chances with these girls.”
• “You look like an example of a ‘man’ from clip art. You’re excused.”
• “I’m sorry, we didn’t order anyone off of Craigslist. You’re excused.”
• “You’re intimidating, unattractive and scaring these men. Maybe you should run for president.”
• “Well at least you wore your formal leopard print.”
• “In your profile, you stated you were persistent. There’s a fine line between persistence and boiling someone’s rabbit. You’re excused.”

Clacked by Chuck Duncan
on Dec 04, 2011 @ 12:00 EST5EDT