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New Girl – The Valentine’s episode is completely off the mark

Holy Cupid's arrows. We got the kitchen sink thrown at us this time around. A more messy story couldn't have been written or filmed.

- Season 1, Episode 13 - "Valentine's Day"

Ever wonder about being a writer for a television series? Throw the jokes out there for everyone to see? The wacky situations? Put ideas to the test and wow that television audience with everything you’ve got? Make’em laugh? Make’em cry?

And then, when a little success has hit you square between the eyes, you get the feeling you can do anything. En. Eee. Thang. Your imagination is your only limitation. And you decide to exercise that imagination … common sense be damned.

Well … that’s what I felt the writers did with this episode of New Girl — they threw the kitchen sink into the mix. They really didn’t give a hoot what they thought the result would be, either.

Some of the things put in this chapter were simply non sequitur. All country ska band. 100 count box of condoms. Cock fight with Nick as one of the opponents. Awkward, dorktastic intern. Valentine references. Girls night … with Winston in tow. Cece and Schmidt hooking up. Crying, emotional, unstable, over-muscled man-boy (Ryan Kwanten of True Blood) who turns into a pile of jello instead of a one night stand. Mushroom ingestion. Incontinence. Need I go on? Because there’s more. Lots more. It might be easier noting what the writers didn’t put into the episode.

Of course, there were a few humorous notes. But overall, it was one big, fat, hairy, juicy mess. Even Nick’s endearing awkwardness felt … awkward.

Things are getting too loose. Let’s hope this was a one-off chapter, the writers come to their senses and get back to basics. We can’t have all this chaotic schmaltz mucking up the show’s enjoyment.

Who’s with me?


  • In Julia’s office, Nick opened champagne. In various scenes, the levels of the champagne changed several times over. Equal amounts of champagne in one scene … different levels in another … back to equal amounts in the original scene. I hate that. It bugs the crap out of me. The continuity person on the show is off on a bathroom break when stuff like that happens as far as I’m concerned and doesn’t give a crap. The consequence should be his/her firing.
  • Cece sure has changed her tune. First, she would have nothing whatsoever to do with Schmidt. Last night? We see her with her shave-headed dorkus (sometime boyfriend Kyle) who munches psychedelic mushrooms for kicks. Lastly, we witness the beginning of her sexploitations with Schmidt. More writing monkey business. I don’t like it.
  • Ryan Kwanten’s guest spot was pointless, wasted and asinine. I’m sure lots of ladies out there wanted to see him for the eye candy he may be, but that idea wasn’t even suggested. I’m not saying I need to see him with his shirt doffed, but just about anything would have been better than what we got from him.


“Look Jess: The truth is … I don’t go out on Valentine’s Day.” — Schmidt to Jess about going out
“What?” — Jess
“There’s no thrill. All these bars filled with emotionally vulnerable women? I’m like a Dominican teenager playing little league. It’s just no fair for everybody else.” — Schmidt

“What does a girl gotta do to get a one night stand around here?!?” — Jess after ousting everyone out of Oliver’s house so she can “get back to business”

“A normal man can go maybe three times in a night … depending on how much salmon he’s had.” — Schmidt to Jess about male stamina

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Photo Credit: FOX

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4 Responses to “New Girl – The Valentine’s episode is completely off the mark”

February 15, 2012 at 9:08 AM

While I’m sure it’s not his fault, there’s something about Kwanten’s character on True Blood that makes me want to tense up when I see him in other work. Mostly because his character is an unlikable idiot on TB.

February 15, 2012 at 12:16 PM

I thought it was hilarious. It pegged a night where a bunch of random crazy stuff goes down. And the reactions of “what the hell is going on” where there. Although, I still really don’t care about Winston.

Cece and Schmidt have been moving towards something for awhile.

February 15, 2012 at 4:05 PM

Liked it — all very funny and the overall too-twirlyness was exactly what the pilot episode promised a couple of month ago. :-)

February 15, 2012 at 11:09 PM

very fun show,i love the big box condoms