2013 was a pretty good year at the movies. Of the 37 films I saw this year (and I still have to see some biggies like 12 Years a Slave and The Wolf of Wall Street), I’ve only got a handful that go in the “Worst” column … and mostly because they were major titles that ended up being pretty disappointing. Most of the films I saw fall into the “Good” category, so to determine the “Best” films of the year, I chose the ones that I would definitely want to see again.

Topping the list as my favorite movie of the year is David O. Russell’s American Hustle. The 70s period piece that uses a real operation – Abscam – to create a fictional story is perfectly cast with great actors, dressed and coiffed to perfection, with a twisty, turny script that will have you alternately disgusted by and empathetic with the characters. By the end, good guys are villains and villains are (somewhat) redeemed, and through it all Russell keeps his camera moving fluidly through each scene. It’s simply master filmmaking at its best, and many are calling it the best Scorsese film he never made (and there is a major nod to Scorsese late in the film).

The other “usual suspects” (i.e. Oscar bait movies) are on the list as well. Saving Mr. Banks is practically perfect as a movie, even if its storytelling is a bit too Disneyfied. Emma Thompson, however, deserves all the accolades she’s getting for playing the difficult author of the classic Mary Poppins books (and the audio tapes played during the film’s credits demonstrate that her performance is not far off from the real thing). Tom Hanks gives us a too-genial Walt Disney, but it’s still a good performance. Like American Hustle, the period production design is impeccable, the rest of the cast is excellent (I loved the relationship between Thompson’s P.L. Travers and her driver Ralph, played by Paul Giamatti), but the ending is as far from reality as you can get. Despite that, this is Thompson’s movie and is well worth seeing.

August: Osage County is playing in limited release to qualify for Oscar consideration and will open in wide release on January 10. (Our full review will be available on January 10.) This is the kind of movie that you think “these actors took these roles to win an award,” and true or not, it certainly brings out the best in everyone to have this kind of material. Based on the Tony Award winning Broadway play (also Pulitzer Prize winner for Drama), the movie focuses on the Weston family who gather back at the parental home in Osage County following a death. Meryl Streep stars as the pill-addled, chain-smoking mother (who also has mouth cancer) who knows everyone’s dirty little secrets and isn’t shy about revealing them, usually at the dinner table. Julia Roberts is the daughter who was the apple of her daddy’s eye and has the worst relationship with her mother. Fireworks fly as these two forces of nature collide, and their verbal (and physical) sparring is amazing to witness. The rest of the cast has their moments to shine, but they wisely stay out of the way when Streep and Roberts go at it. It’s a movie filled with laughter and tears and should live up to all the awards chatter.

Gravity was a high-concept story executed perfectly by director Alfonso Cuarón with a stellar (no pun intended) performance from Sandra Bullock who has to basically carry the entire film after a disaster in space leaves her alone and stranded with very limited time and resources to try to get home. The film was originally touted for its realist depiction of what it would be like orbiting the earth, but most of those things have turned out to be little more than fantasy (famously debunked by astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson). The film hinges completely on Bullock’s performance and she pulls it off with aplomb (comparisons to Tom Hanks in Cast Away are inevitable). And points to Cuarón for keeping space a silent void, even if someone at Warner Brothers got a little over-zealous with the sound effects in the trailer. It’s a white-knuckle ride from start to finish, and is served extremely well by the IMAX and 3D process.

Disney hits another one out of the park with the animated “princess movie” Frozen. The story seems typical with two princesses and the men who are apparently there to save one, the other, or both of them (and let’s not forget the wacky reindeer and animated snowman sidekicks, thankfully used sparingly and to great comic effect), but the story has a deeper twist as it truly becomes about family and trusting in the love that comes with it even when events transpire to tear that family apart (yes, this is a Disney movie so the parents must die early in the film). The snow-covered landscapes are rendered gorgeously in CG and the film is also served extremely well by 3D. And as a bonus, the film starts with a brand new Mickey Mouse short that looks like a classic cartoon but becomes an eye-popping experience in 3D. Frozen is definitely a film for all ages.

Also on my list of favorite movies of the year that may or may not garner much award consideration includes The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, the much, much better follow-up to the first Hobbit movie. Where that one dragged interminably, this one moves at a crisp pace, interweaving several storylines, and keeping things moving without resorting to “look what we can do” scenes of CGI battles and singing trolls and dwarfs. Martin Freeman again gives a terrific performance as Bilbo Bagging, but this chapter of the story belongs to Richard Armitage as Thorin, who finally steps up as the leader of the group of travelers. Director Peter Jackson indulges himself with a terrifying giant spider attack and a comical escape scene with dwarfs in barrels, but he saves the best for the last act as we finally get to encounter the dragon Smaug. Voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch with a honeyed gravelly growl, he makes it all worth the wait to get to that point. And unlike the first movie, this two-and-three-quarter hours actually flies by, leaving us with a huge cliffhanger that will make you want more.

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Let’s face it: if you liked the first season of American Horror Story, then continued to enjoy the second season … I dunno who I’m talking to. Unless you’re Chuck. Sorry, Chuck. I love you, man, but last season was pretty damned awful, confusing and just downright … bad. It was a far cry from the first self-contained season of the series, which itself wasn’t exactly perfection. However, that first season was good enough to make me look forward to the next which, as I said, fell flat.

This season of American Horror Story takes on yet another different “horror” to follow, this time with witches (which some people think is an overdone subject these days — it’s not like it’s zombies!) Many people were pretty excited for the addition of Kathy Bates to the cast, who we’ve already come to know on the show as being — presumably — a witch, with one hell of a serious past. So far her casting has proven to be right on the mark.

Setting up the flashbacks to long-ago New Orleans — and seeing Bates’ Madame Delphine LaLaurie’s sadistic rituals for eternal youth — was right away a step in the right direction as well. True to the show’s form were cringe-worthy scenes of awfully tortured men, uncomfortable-to-behold (to say the least) gang rape, and blood, blood everywhere — even being painted on faces with a shaving mug and brush. What’s different, though, is how the story is unfolding. Unlike the past two seasons, we seem to be falling right in line with following this group of “special” girls, instead of following different ongoing story lines. That could certainly change as the series continues, but the setup definitely had a different feel to it — it almost felt like Hogwarts for witches … except with torturing and rape and stuff.

Some early predictions I have, though nothing very insightful: Kyle Spencer (Evan Peters) will return due to one of the witches’ being able to bring back the dead (according to IMDb, he’s back later in the season, so the question isn’t “if” it’s “how.”) Also, Zoe Benson (Taissa Farmiga) will likely become a “Supreme” witch at some point, likely by figuring out that every which has this capability, just that they need to know how to release it all. Maybe all the witches have the ability to gain all the powers.

I’m not sure if this season technically makes up for last season, but it’s so far an improvement. If I had one gripe about it, it’d be this: why the hell did Zoe resort to jerking off and fucking a guy in his deathbed to exact her revenge, when holding a pillow over his head or, heck, zipping a knife across his throat would’ve done just fine? I get that it makes his death painful and mysterious to investigators, but … she has to fuck the guy to do it!

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So here’s what’s going to happen in this post:

You might learn a few things about me. Maybe some revealing, eye-opening things. It might help explain why I like some of the things I like. At least … I think it will. You may not agree. And that’s okay. I can’t please everyone. And I can’t put stuff out there that makes sense to me but might confuse you. I figure so long as there’s that basic  understanding — possible revelations which may not make sense to you — then I’m pretty certain you can at least wrap your head around some of what I’m going to say.

By nature, I’m not a comedy-watching kind of guy; that might come as a surprise. I shy away from comedy films and I routinely avoid comedy television programs. The Big Bang Theory? Puzzles me to no end. I don’t get it. Brainiacs who make fools of themselves or who find themselves out of their element socially. Not funny to me in the least. Adam Sandler films? Will Ferrel movies? I don’t watch them and wouldn’t voluntarily go to one. You couldn’t entice me to one of these men’s flicks with free popcorn, soda and Jujubees. They’re inane and pointless to me. (The films, not the Jujubees.)

Comedy I like? Hit me up with The Blues Brothers. Sixteen Candles. Dark Star. Bob’s Burgers. Even the Charlie Sheen years of Two And A Half Men in small doses. (I don’t care what anyone says about Sheen or the show back in those days; there was some smart writing goin’ on.)

I like dark humor, too. Six Feet Under. Leaving Las Vegas. Breaking Bad. Classic humor I like: Young Frankenstein. Laurel & Hardy. The Marx Brothers. Robert DeNiro in Midnight Run, Jeff Bridges in Starman. Comedic plays such as Man Of La Mancha.

And I know what you’re saying right about now: “Michael? I happen to know you’re a funny guy. Don’t give me guff and don’t make me put on boots to wade through your bullshit. You like comedy! ” I am funny. And I do like comedy. But I don’t like watching comedy as a rule. “Hogwash! You reviewed the entire first season of New Girl a couple years ago! If that’s not comedy, what is?!?” And you would be right. I stepped out of my viewing element (and I called myself out for doing so many a time) and watched that premiere season. I’ll admit: It had its moments. I was completely on board with The Douchebag Jar. I was hit and miss (often “miss”) with Zooey Deschanel’s Jess, mostly on board with Jake Johnson’s Nick and often vacillated with Max Greenfield’s Schmidt. But after a season of the show, I was done. I don’t believe I’ve watched a single episode of New Girl since. And I don’t feel as if I’ve missed anything in spurning it.

I’d like to like a comedy television programs … really, I would. A lot of friends (no comments from the peanut gallery, Ivey) and associates say there are some worthy things out there in TV Land. I would dig giving myself whole-heartedly to something guffaw-inducing, slapstick-ish or sly. But picky me, I haven’t found anything yet.

Now? Here comes FOX’s Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

And — surprise wowzah! — with one of my favorite actors, Andre Braugher! Loved, loved, loved his underlying snark in Homicide: Life On The Street. Dug him (mostly) in Men Of A Certain Age. As an actor of stature and command, I was thrilled to tune in to the too-short Last Resort with Braugher as the obstinate Captain Marcus Chaplin. And in House as Dr. Darryl Nolan? You betcha. (There’s another show with dark and not-so-dark comedy elements I enjoyed.)

But, sorry to say, Brooklyn Nine-Nine is lacking in some basic elements … “comedy” being one of them. At least, sustaining comedy by its star that will weather it through an initial season. There’s of course the mandatory set-up to get us familiar with the characters, but it feels forced, like someone is shoving it down our throats or waved before our eyes when it doesn’t need to be. Especially in the case of Saturday Night Live‘s Andy Samberg (as extremely smart/smart alec Detective Jake Peralta) who steam rolls along in the pilot, any obstacles in his way be damned. And it doesn’t sit well within the context of the show. Instead of letting Peralta sway us with his charms while tossing yucks at us, we’re force-fed sarcasm and shenanigans when there is no need for them. And it leaves an unpleasant aftertaste. The viewing audience isn’t dumb, for Pete’s sake … why do the producers of Brooklyn Nine-Nine feel the need to bombard us as if we need an 800-pound gorilla hovering over us making sure we get the joke? Samberg overplays the role. For example: When we see Peralta giving in to his new captain’s demand that ties be worn by the men of his command, it’s just dumb to see Samberg lift his shirt, his tie wrapped around his mid-section. It’s so contrived it isn’t even funny. In fact, it’s stupid … and not in a good way. It’s not even “good” stupid comedy. It’s just dumb.

Much more appealing is the easily swallowed Captain Ray Holt (Braugher). His demeanor is infinitely more comfortable than Peralta’s. It comes effortlessly without the in-your-face bombast. It helps that all Braugher has to do is shoot a look someone’s way and you know exactly what he’s conveying. Comedy without words. The show’s writers should know better, being they’re obviously doing this for Braugher.

Yet … there’s hope. Hope in that the rest of the cast gels together to overshadow some of the daftness Samberg showcases. Their “straight man” roles help soften the harsh edges of Samberg’s character and give me at least a little optimism that the current circus doesn’t revolve around the stark and glaring clown-star. (Stephanie Beatriz‘ strong Detective Rosa Diaz is a welcome relief.) There’s hope in Braugher reining in some of the stupidity of Samberg’s antics and working an uneasy but better pairing of the two. This could yield a more cohesive comedy that doesn’t rely completely on dippiness for laughs. Because right now? Out of the gate? It’s not working.

So … did you learn anything about me? Maybe that my comedy likes are too high-falutin’? Too picky? (Nah. Hello! Blues Brothers! Two And A Half Men! Bob’s Burgers!)

Maybe my expectations are too high. Maybe my love for Andre Braugher comes with blinders and a notion of hopeful trust that smartness will eventually come out of this new show instead of an insipid 24 minutes of slough. As with my previous New Girl “adventure” a few seasons back, I’ll stymie my judgment and go along for the ride and see what comes out the other end.

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As the “Ozymandias” episode of Breaking Bad came to an intense close, we saw a side of Walter I think none of us wanted to see. He became irrational; manic. He completely snapped, became the subject of an Amber Alert, and then made a phone call to Skyler that shone a completely different light on Walt. To everyone in that room during that phone call to Skyler, Walt was a complete monster. This was a man who was resorting to kidnapping and murder threats, all while resounding his own praises. Everyone in the room, that is, unless Skyler was smart enough to realize Walt just completely removed all guilt from her in the eyes of the law, and that he acted completely alone.

I will admit that I did not at first figure out that this had to be Walt’s plan. I thought we’d seen the very last of a redeemable Walt, and that there was simply no way for us to hope for this man anymore. When Walt’s tears showed up — and then he left Holly in the trusting hands of a Fire Department — it made complete sense that the Walt we saw during that tirade was a show for the people in the room listening in. Walt made that mistake once with Jesse, and if there’s one thing we’ve come to know about Walt: he doesn’t tend to make the same mistake more than once.

The question now is: is Skyler smart enough to know what Walt did for them? The thing is, it probably doesn’t matter. Now Walt’s own son considers him a complete monster, and no doubt Holly will be raised to never know him. Does Walt necessarily care about what Skyler thinks at this point? Does he love his family so much that just knowing their well-being is being taken care of is enough for him so he can let his cancer take him away?

And, seeing some of the flash-forwards of what’s to come, what’s Walt left to resort to to make sure the sacrifices he’s made for his family were worthwhile?

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Jessica Chastain is sitting on top of the world right now, with the success of Zero Dark Thirty and an Oscar nomination in the past few weeks (I still say she got robbed of a nomination for playing the younger Helen Mirren in The Debt), and she will most likely bring home that Best Actress Oscar … unless she falls prey to the Bad Choice Follow-Up Movie that is blamed for Eddie Murphy’s Supporting Actor loss (for Dreamgirls) after his follow-up film, Norbit. Not that Jessica chose to follow Zero Dark Thirty with what some may consider a trashy horror film. It could have just been an accident of scheduling.

But Mama is no Norbit. With the support of Guillermo del Toro — who was so impressed with director Andrés Muschietti’s Mama short (see below) — the film doesn’t seem to be the bad choice that it could have been. The story is your typical ghost story set-up with some new twists: Nikolaj Coster-Waldau plays Jeffrey, a Wall Street/big bank type in the midst of a financial crisis who decides to murder his partners and his ex-wife and take his two small daughters for a drive to eventually get rid of them and himself as well. But high speed and snow-covered roads don’t mix, and the car flies off the road and down an embankment, with the three miraculously surviving (only Victoria’s glasses get broken in the crash). Stumbling through the woods, they come upon a spooky old cabin (yes, another “cabin in the woods” movie!) to take refuge. Jeffrey tries to take his own life, but chickens out and decides to kill the girls first. Looking out a window, Victoria says she sees a woman but her feet don’t touch the ground, and just as Jeffrey is about to put a bullet in her brain, something comes out of the darkness and snatches him away. Over the course of five years, the two girls are protected by the entity they call Mama until Jeffrey’s twin (!) brother Lucas finally finds them. But bringing them home to get them acclimated back into society comes with a huge price … the jealousy of Mama.

I had high hopes for Mama, especially with del Toro attached as executive producer (although his last producing effort, Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, was a pale imitation of the classic TV movie and of his own Pan’s Labyrinth), and the creepy trailer, and some of those hopes were met, especially with the Mama character (artfully hidden throughout much of the film, with just little glimpses of her here and there). She really is pretty disturbing with her hair that seems to be constantly floating in water (there is a reason for that) and her broken, twisted body. I like that Muschietti didn’t feel the need to reveal Mama right from the beginning, letting us just see flashes of her occasionally like Spielberg did with the shark in Jaws. The anticipation of wanting to see Mama is all part of the thrill of the movie.

The other star of the movie, of course, is Chastain, here completely changing her look with tons of eyeliner and a short dark bob (she is a rocker chick, after all) being thrust into the role of surrogate mother to Victoria and Lilly after Uncle Lucas is knocked over a railing and into a coma by the jealous Mama. Chastain really has to carry the film as the skeptic who just thinks the girls need to adjust to civilization, but learns that there are things in the dark that are better left alone. And on top of the spirit in her house, she also has to deal with the buttinski aunt who wants to take the girls to a more “stable” home (and don’t think Mama takes too kindly to that). Chastain plays Annabel strong on the outside, but vulnerable on the inside and I totally bought into her fear as her reality begins to unravel around her. To go from saving the world in Zero Dark Thirty to saving two little girls in a horror movie just shows Chastain’s range and proves she is deserving of that Oscar.

But to call Mama a horror film is a bit unfair, only because of the connotation that brings with it. There are certainly elements of horror in the film, and Muschietti does over-do the clichéd loud music cues to make you jump when the strength of the visuals alone should be enough to creep you out, but thinking back on the film, considering the beauty of the cinematography, and the whole dreamlike (or nightmarish) feel of the story, I’ve decided that Mama is more of a modern day, dark fairy tale … one of those classic Grimm tales where not everyone lives happily ever after. I have to give Muschietti props for not playing it safe and giving us a nice, tidy, sunshine and rainbows ending and this is why I believe the movie is more fairy tale than straight-on horror (and you could argue that many of del Toro’s own films also fall into that category as well).

So do I recommend Mama? I would say yes as long as you go in expecting it to not be pure terror from beginning to end. I think it’s a movie that could stand up to a second viewing to appreciate more of the storytelling than waiting for the scares. My only complaint — and I’ve made this one before — is the over-reliance on the elevated decibel music and sound effects as jump points. If you’ve got a good story and can put some decently creepy visuals on the screen, there’s no need to resort to those tactics that only cheapen the film. I think without the over-wrought in places music, Mama could have been a great, disturbing film that would really keep you up at night.

Check out Muschietti’s short film that inspired del Toro to come on board as executive producer of the feature (it’s also the inspiration for an almost identical scene in the movie):

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRqS6pBC42w

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To subscribe to the below schedule in iCal, copy this link and paste into the “Subscribe…” menu item in iCal. You can also just click it to open iCal or even click to add to your iPhone calendar. The same link will work in a Google Calendar as well! Or see the calendar as a web page (also embedded at the bottom of this post). The calendar will update as new shows are added/changed.

* All times are in EDT PM, unless otherwise mentioned.

* New series premieres are in Bold Italics

SERIES PREMIERES/RETURNS

JANUARY

Tuesday, January 1

9:00 Dance Moms (Lifetime)

9:00 Dual Survival (Discovery)

9:00 Emily Owens, M.D. (CW)

10:00 Parenthood (NBC)

10:00 Storage Wars: New York (A&E)

10:30 Double Divas (Lifetime)

Wednesday, January 2

8:00 Whitney (NBC)

8:30 Guys With Kids (NBC)

9:00 Law & Order: SVU (NBC)

9:00 NOVA (PBS)

10:00 Chicago Fire (NBC)

10:00 American Horror Story (FX)

Thursday, January 3

8:00 The Big Bang Theory (CBS)

9:00 Person of Interest (CBS)

10:00 Buck Wild (MTV)

10:00 Elementary (CBS)

Friday, January 4

8:30 Need To Know (PBS)

9:00 CSI: NY (CBS)

10:00 Bering Sea Gold (Discovery)

10:00 Blue Bloods (CBS)

10:00 Merlin (Syfy)

10:00 Over/Under (USA)

Sunday, January 6

8:00 Mob Wives (VH1)

8:00 Once Upon a Time (ABC)

8:00 The Simpsons (FOX)

8:30 Bob’s Burgers (FOX)

9:00 The Biggest Loser (NBC)

9:00 Downton Abbey (PBS)

9:00 Family Guy (FOX)

9:00 The Good Wife (CBS)

9:00 Rachael Vs. Guy Celebrity Cook-Off (Food)

9:00 Revenge (ABC)

9:30 American Dad (FOX)

10:00 The Mentalist (CBS)

10:00 Happy Endings (ABC)

10:30 Don’t Trust the B—- in Apartment 23 (ABC)

11:00 Watch What Happens: Live (Bravo)

Monday. January 7

8:00 Antiques Roadshow (PBS)

8:00 The Bachelor (ABC)

8:00 Switched at Birth (ABC Family)

9:00 Bunheads (ABC Family)

10:00 Deception (NBC)

10:00 Vanderpump Rules (Bravo)

10:00 Castle (ABC)

Tuesday, January 8

8:00 Betty White’s Off Their Rockers (NBC)

8:00 NCIS (CBS)

8:00 Pretty Little Liars (ABC Family)

8:00 Raising Hope (FOX)

8:30 Ben & Kate (FOX)

9:00 Go On (NBC)

9:00 The Lying Game (ABC Family)

9:00 NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS)

9:00 New Girl (FOX)

9:30 The Mindy Project (FOX)

9:30 The New Normal (NBC)

10:00 Africa (Discovery)

10:00 America’s Supernanny (Lifetime)

10:00 Chopped (Food)

10:00 Cougar Town (TBS)

10:00 Frontline (PBS)

10:00 The Joe Schmo Show (Spike)

10:00 Justified (FX)

10:00 Million Dollar Decorators (Bravo)

10:00 Private Practice (ABC)

10:00 Snooki & JWoww (MTV)

10:00 Vegas (CBS)

10:30 The Burn With Jeff Ross (Comedy)

Wednesday, January 9

8:00 The Middle (ABC)

8:30 The Neighbors (ABC)

9:00 People’s Choice Awards (CBS)

9:00 Modern Family (ABC)

9:30 Suburgatory (ABC)

10:00 Barter Kings (A&E)

10:00 Nashville (ABC)

10:00 Washington Heights (MTV)

Thursday, January 10

8:00 30 Rock (NBC)

8:00 Critics’ Choice Movie Awards (CW)

8:00 Last Resort (ABC)

9:00 Grey’s Anatomy (ABC)

9:00 The Killer Speaks (A&E)

9:00 Millionaire Matchmaker (Bravo)

9:00 The Office (NBC)

10:00 Kathy (Bravo)

10:00 Property Wars (Discovery)

10:00 Scandal (ABC)

Friday, January 11

9:00 Fringe (FOX)

Saturday, January 12

10:00 Banshee (Cinemax)

Sunday, January 13

7:30 The Cleveland Show (FOX)

8:00 Golden Globe Awards (NBC)

9:00 Girls (HBO)

9:00 Shameless (Showtime)

9:30 Enlightened (HBO)

10:00 House of Lies (Showtime)

10:30 Californication (Showtime)

Monday, January 14

8:00 Bones (FOX)

8:00 The Carrie Diaries (CW)

8:00 Continuum (Syfy)

8:00 How I Met Your Mother (CBS)

9:00 2 Broke Girls (CBS)

9:00 Being Human (Syfy)

9:30 Mike & Molly (CBS)

10:00 Hawaii Five-0 (CBS)

10:00 Lost Girl (Syfy)

Tuesday, January 15

8:00 Hart of Dixie (CW)

8:00 Pioneers of Television (PBS)

9:00 Face Off (Syfy)

9:00 The Ultimate Guide to the Presidents (History)

10:00 Real Husbands of Hollywood (BET)

10:30 Second Generation Wayans (BET)

10:30 Total Blackout (Syfy)

Wednesday, January 16

8:00 American Idol (FOX)

8:00 Arrow (CW)

9:00 Criminal Minds (CBS)

9:00 Ghost Hunters (Syfy)

9:00 Supernatural (CW)

10:00 Bobby’s Dinner Battle (Food)

10:00 CSI (CBS)

10:00 Ghost Mine (Syfy)

10:00 Workaholics (Comedy)

10:30 Kroll Show (Comedy)

Thursday, January 17

8:00 The Vampire Diaries (CW)

8:30 Parks & Recreation (NBC)

9:00 Anger Management (FX)

10:00 Archer (FX)

10:00 Suits (USA)

10:30 Legit (FX)

11:00 Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell (FX)

12:00AM Newsreaders (Adult Swim)

Friday, January 18

8:00 Nikita (CW)

10:00 Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO)

Saturday, January 19

9:00 Ripper Street (BBCA)

Monday, January 21

9:00 90210 (CW)

9:00 The Following (FOX)

Tuesday, January 22

8:00 The Taste (ABC)

8:00 The Ultimate Fighter (FX)

10:00 White Collar (USA)

10:00 Wild Things with Dominic Monaghan (BBCA)

Wednesday, January 23

10:00 Necessary Roughness (USA)

Thursday, January 24

9:00 Beauty and the Beast (CW)

9:00 Glee (FOX)

9:00 Project Runway (Lifetime)

Friday, January 25

9:00 Spartacus: War of the Damned (Starz)

Sunday, January 27

8:00 Screen Actors Guild Awards (TNT, TBS)

Monday, January 28

9:00 Dallas (TNT)

Tuesday, January 29

9:00 Top Gear (History)

10:00 Southie Rules (A&E)

10:00 Ultimate Soldier Challenge (History)

10:00 The Americans (FX)

11:00 Nikki & Sara Live (MTV)

Thursday, January 31

10:00 Chef Wanted with Anne Burrell (Food)

10:00 Do No Harm (NBC)

FEBRUARY

Friday, February 1

8:00 NAACP Image Awards (NBC)

8:00 Undercover Boss (CBS)

Sunday, February 3

6:30 Super Bowl XLVII (CBS)

Monday, February 4

8:30 Rules of Engagement (CBS)

10:00 Monday Mornings (TNT)

Tuesday, February 5

9:00 Smash (NBC)

10:00 Body of Proof (ABC)

10:00 Tosh.0 (Comedy)

Wednesday, February 6

9:00 The Spies of Warsaw (BBCA)

Thursday, February 7

8:00 Community (NBC)

11:30 Brand X with Russell Brand (FX)

Friday, February 8

8:00 The Job (CBS)

8:00 Touch (FOX)

10:30 The Jenny McCarthy Show (VH1)

Sunday, February 10

8:00 The Grammy Awards (CBS)

9:00 Bar Rescue (Spike)

9:00 Battlestar Galactica: Blood & Chrome (Syfy)

9:00 The Walking Dead (AMC)

10:00 Car Lot Rescue (Spike)

11:00 Talking Dead (AMC)

Monday, February 11

11:00 Inside Comedy (Showtime)

Tuesday, February 12

8:00 Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show (USA)

Wednesday, February 13

8:00 Survivor (CBS)

10:00 Southland (TNT)

Thursday, February 14

8:00 Zero Hour (ABC)

9:00 Comic Book Men (ABC)

9:30 Freakshow (AMC)

10:00 Immortalized (AMC)

Sunday, February 17

8:00 The Amazing Race (CBS)

Tuesday, February 19

9:00 Cult (CW)

10:30 The Jeselnik Offensive (Comedy)

Sunday, February 24

8:30 The Academy Awards (ABC)

Tuesday, February 26

10:00 Golden Boy (CBS)

10:00 Robot Combat League (Syfy)

Wednesday, February 27

9:00 Boston’s Finest (TNT)

9:00 Haunted Collector (Syfy)

10:00 Psych (USA)

10:00 Stranded (Syfy)

MARCH

Sunday, March 3

9:00 The Apprentice (NBC)

9:00 Red Widow (ABC)

10:00 Vikings (History)

Friday, March 8

8:00 Fashion Star (NBC)

9:00 Grimm (NBC)

Monday, March 18

8:00 Dancing with the Stars (ABC)

Tuesday, March 19

8:00 Celebrity Diving (ABC)

Monday, March 25

8:00 The Voice (NBC)

10:00 Revolution (NBC)

Saturday, March 30

9:00 Orphan Black (BBCA)

Sunday, March 31

8:00 Ready for Love (NBC)

9:00 Game of Thrones (HBO)

9:00 Mr. Selfridge (PBS)

Wow, has it really been nine years since The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King was released? It really doesn’t seem that long, but it does seem like it’s been an eternity since the wheels started turning on production of The Hobbit, what with the rights feuds, a studio bankruptcy, and a director withdrawing even before the first frame was shot. But now it’s here, at least the first of three chapters, and the big question is: was it worth the wait?

The answer is neither yes nor no, as the first chapter in the new trilogy is resoundingly average. I remember being enraptured by the first Lord of the Rings movie from the very beginning; the look, the style, the music … everything about it just drew you into the world of Middle Earth. Since we’ve all been there, settling into a viewing of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, should be like settling into a comfy couch. You certainly know what to expect style-wise with Peter Jackson once again behind the camera, and even the story should have some familiarity to it, since we’re re-connecting with some characters we already know from the previous films (even though this one takes place sixty years earlier).

Unfortunately, what Jackson has done by taking a simple, single-volume children’s story and turning it into a nine-hour epic has made the movie overly bloated and episodic, especially during the first hour when we’re meeting the thirteen dwarfs and getting side stories that sometimes do not have any bearing on the main story at hand. For instance, Gandalf (Ian McKellan) tells the story of another wizard, Radagast the Brown (Sylvester McCoy) and his discovery of a necromancer destroying nature all around him. This side story intrudes on the main story, as Gandalf brings news of the necromancer to Elrond (Hugo Weaving), Galadriel (Cate Blanchett), and Saruman (Christopher Lee) who dismisses it as just a man playing with magic. Of course, the necromancer will obviously play into the story, as Benedict Cumberbatch was cast in the role (and he’s credited, but never seen in the movie).

The main plot of the book is there, though, between all of the extra stuff Jackson has added. Bilbo Baggins (a terrific Martin Freeman) is enlisted by Gandalf to join a band of dwarfs on their quest to regain their homeland — and gold — from the dragon Smaug. Along the way, they have to battle orcs, goblins, and trolls, and after getting separated from the group during an underground battle with the goblins, Bilbo meets up with a strange creature, Gollum (Andy Serkis), and comes in possession of that magical, golden ring. It’s here that the movie finally kicks into gear with Serkis’ amazing performance. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences really needs to rethink their acting categories to include motion capture performances like this, because even though the actor is replaced by a fully realized CG character, his performance is just stunning (and the advances in CG rendering since the last movie have grown by leaps and bounds, making this the most realistic Gollum yet).

Unfortunately, the movie ends just as it’s really getting started with the band of travelers seeing their destination for the first time off in the distance. What The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey ends up being is a three-hour origin story that we have to wait a year to see how it pans out. Another problem I had was that the whole thing felt like Jackson was just indulging himself. It took a while for the LOTR films to show us some major battles, but The Hobbit has at least three! The effects are incredible, but it all seemed like a bit of overkill and padding. The story has gotten completely lost amongst all the pageantry. More time should have been spent getting to know the dwarfs, the camaraderie, the journey, instead of just throwing one battle after another at us (and don’t get me started on the pointless rock giants fight scene that only served to show off more CGI wonders). As it is, by the end of the movie, you really don’t care one way or another about Thorin’s (Richard Armitage) quest to get back to his home, and with most of the plot points from the book already included in this movie, you have to wonder how much more padding is to come. I fear that the Hobbit trilogy is going to go down in film history as the new Star Wars prequels trilogy.

Another point that needs to be made – at least for those planning to check out the film in the new High Frame Rate 3D edition – is that despite what Jackson and the studio have to say about the process, it really did not serve the film well at all. Yes, the picture is probably the sharpest and clearest you’ve ever seen on a big screen, and the CGI characters all look more real than ever before, but it just looks like you’re watching a big screen version of some old BBC video production from the 1970s (and a modern video game during the battle scenes). The original trilogy had a beautiful look and depth to them — a truly epic scale — but the 48 frames-per-second of video (film normally runs at 24 fps and video at 30 fps) actually makes the movie look cheap and flat, even in 3D! There’s a shot of the band of dwarfs, Bilbo and Gandalf looking across a chasm at Rivendell and it looks like they’re staring at a painting. I don’t know how this will all look when projected at a normal frame rate on film (or in IMAX), and I can appreciate Jackson’s attempts at trying something new (and I shudder to think what Avatar 2 will look like if James Cameron can get the frame rate up to 60 fps), but I think the experiment is a failure (and it doesn’t help if you’re prone to motion sickness … I was still dizzy six hours after leaving the theater and had to resort to Sea Bands to keep from hurling my popcorn about twenty minutes in). Hopefully Jackson can fine tune the effect over the next year and bring a little more depth to the film overall when The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug hits theaters in 2013. The opening chapter, though, is just a bit meh.

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This list is far from complete; if I were to yap on and on about everything I liked, this list could last until the pumpkin pie is served on Thursday. So this is just a survey; some of the many, many things that I count myself fortunate to watch or listen to:

Shawn Ryan – His latest show Last Resort might not have been a good – or successful – as I’d hoped, but Ryan continues to be one of my favorite showrunners in television today. While I wasn’t nearly the fan of The Shield that others are, I love The Unit and The Chicago Code immeasurably, and think that his season of work on Lie to Me was incredible. I’m not sure what he’s got up his sleeve once Last Resort ends, but I know I’ll be watching from day one.

Star Wars and Disney – There is a great deal of trepidation in the fanbase as Disney announced their purchase of Lucasfilm and their intentions to produce Episodes 7, 8 and 9. I understand why, considering just how disappointing and uneven the prequel films were. But I’ve got faith. While some of the people I’d been hoping to be involved with the project have indicated they won’t be a part of it (damn yous Brad Bird!), I’ve still got faith. Plus, as a big amusement park guy, I know there’s no way after watching the insane success that Universal Studios had with the Wizarding World of Harry Potter (and it’s planned sister zone in California and as-yet-announced-but-not-secret Orlando expansion), that I’m going to be able to walk through the Millennium Falcon sooner rather than later.

Joss Whedon – I’m just going to leave this name here, and expect you to understand why. If you’re having trouble, I suggest looking up the following projects: Avengers, Dr. Horrible’s Singalong Blog, Dollhouse, Angel, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Firefly/Serenity. Plus, he also gave us Amy Acker, so: bonus points.

Suits – It is simply the best show you’re (probably) not watching. I’m not going to sit here and tell you how much you’ll like it. I’m just going to look down my nose like the Dowager Countess until you give it a chance.

Resurgence of Genre films – Avengers, Hunger Games, Looper … these are my kinda films. I absolutely bask in the fact that we’re getting some really great geek stuff in the theatres these days.

Game of Thrones – Yeah, I still to this day remember an instant message conversation with Carla before GoT premiered where I said that I wasn’t sure if I would get into the show or not. I hadn’t read the books, and had seen similar shows like Pillars of the Earth fail. I couldn’t have been any more wrong (I highlighted that part out as a pull quote because it has been inferred that I never admit to being wrong … it just doesn’t happen often); I am addicted to everything Game of Thrones/A Song of Ice and Fire. Since the show premiered I’ve read the full set of books twice, I participate in online discussions about theories regarding future books and love the weekly column Bob Degon and I produce when the show is on the air.

The Voice — Or, more specifically that the next cycle starting next year will be missing Christina Aguilera. I won’t particularly miss Cee-Lo’s inability to make a comment to a female contestant that doesn’t start with how beautiful she is, but I won’t miss anything about Christina.

Delta Rae – The first night of San Diego Comic Con this year, as I sat down with Keith McDuffee, Michael Noble and Tara Shrodes, somehow the topic of my favorite band came up. Keith and Mike were so kind to point out to me that they where incredibly aware of just how much I liked the band. Apparently, I mention them on Facebook and the Twitter quite often. Like, way often. But I don’t care. I’m no music critic, so I can’t break down their work like I can a TV show or flick, but I do know I like the band. So, instead of telling you, I’ll just leave you with their latest video:

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPOM0IUsd_0

Grey’s Anatomy – I get a great deal of flack for being a fan of this show, but I don’t really care. While I admit that there are shows on the air that I think are better, there’s no show I look more forward to each week than Grey’s. Make fun of me all you want, but I’m hooked. The far-reaching repercussions of last season’s plane crash have created several great character arcs … even if it did mark the departure of two of my favorite characters on the show, Mark and Lexi.

Nashville’s Clare Bowen’s voice – Nashville is a pretty good show. I — like all Friday Night Lights fans – am a big, big fan of Connie Britton. I also remember “Save the Cheerleader, Save the World.” But the biggest surprise of the show has been Clare Bowen’s performance, and her amazing voice. Her vocals on each of the tracks – but especially “Fade into You” – are just haunting. Bowen, who nails her southern accent despite originally hailing from Australia – is easily my favorite thing about the new television season. It helps that her part of the Nashville story is much more interesting than either Britton or Hayden Panettiere’s thus far, but it all comes down to her voice. I just can’t get enough. (Oh, and the second best vocal performance on the show thus far? Lennon and Maisy Shelly – Britton’s daughters on the show – singing “Telescope”)

My CliqueClack family – I wanted to end with Bowen’s voice (because, damn), but the guilt finishing with anything but Team CliqueClack would eat at me all through Turkey-Day (Except when the Washington Redskins take on the dastardly Dallas Cowboys … nothing gets through after kickoff). I have the great fortune to work with an incredibly talented group of writers … and Michael. We’re a fairly diverse group as far as individual backgrounds, shows & movies we’re fans of … heck, we’re even spread out across this great nation of ours. In the end though, I’m pretty lucky to have these guys as friends.

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In order to appeal to most television viewers, networks must be diverse. Well, at least that’s what I always believed. If you take a look at some of the programs of the past, that statement may not ring to be so true. However, if one was to truly examine the current lineup on primetime, they may be in for a colorful awakening. As someone that writes about ethnic diversity in Hollywood, it pleases me to see a broad spectrum of programming on television today. In fact, I honestly can’t recall a season as culturally varied as this one.

Oh, crap — am I in The Twilight Zone? Nah, perchance network executives are finally realizing that it’s 2012. Just take a look at FOX. I’ve never really been a fan of the station — especially after they pulled the plug on Arrested Development. Nevertheless, with the recent inclusion of The Mindy Project, my unenthusiastic views on FOX may just change. Not only is a minority the lead — Mindy Kaling of Bengali descent — but she’s a woman. That’s like two for the price of one! Heck, that’s better than a discount at your local Walgreens! Way to go, FOX!

And while I’m handing out accolades, I think that NBC deserves some with the success of Community, a sitcom that really has a racially diverse (and super talented) cast. Donald Glover can do no wrong, and Danny Pudi is comedic gold. I’m feeling a little generous so I’ll also dish out some love to CBS for casting Lucy Liu, a Chinese woman, in the role of Watson in Elementary, a modern day take on Sherlock Holmes … and before you gasp at that revelation, here’s something else to applaud — after Regis Philbin retired from Live!, he was replaced by Michael Strahan … a Black dude!

Feel free to clutch your pearls.

Okay, enough humor. On a serious note, I couldn’t be happier. Perhaps colorful programming is the new trend. Heck, it’s about damn time. However, that certainly doesn’t mean that these shows are above cancellation. After all, it takes views to keep a program on the air … or does it? According to Entertainment Weekly, ABC just pulled the plug on Last Resort, a drama about a naval force, which starred the brown-skinned Andre Braugher. The show averaged over nine million viewers. Last time I checked that was pretty solid … but what do I know? The network also terminated 666 Park Avenue with my wife — although she never acknowledges our marriage in interviews — Vanessa Williams.

Sorry, Vanessa. I love you, but your show sucked.

While I’m bummed about Last Resort (and content with Avenue), it just goes to show that programs with minorities could use support. Tune in, people! Watch the show! Support it by giving it a chance. We can’t complain about not having enough shows with minorities if we’re not making an effort to watch the ones that we do have. I’m just sayin’. Still, it’s nice to know that networks are at least trying to meet us halfway. I’ve been rather impressed with some of the colorful fare that they’ve had to offer this season.

So, what does this say about society? Does this mean that we are actually moving forward? Well, I’d like to think so. The fact of the matter is that America is diverse and colorful. To that end, I feel that television shows should reflect that. I’m not a rocket scientist by any stretch of the imagination, but I think it’s safe to say that we’re moving in the right direction and pressing on to a more colorful future. Television is changing.

Color me intrigued.

Do you enjoy reading Clacking in Color? Jaylen sure as hell hopes so. Keep up with his opinions and ponderings  by following him on Twitter @thesuperflynerd!

Robert Patrick turns 54 today. This slightly bewilders me, as I still remember being traumatized as a child by the T-1000 in Terminator 2: Judgment Day, and nine years later, counting on him to protect me from super soldiers during the final two years of The X-Files. I was a Robert Patrick fan not that long after I was out of the womb, so this calls for some sort of a celebration.

The first movie I ever saw was Terminator 2 in 1991, and my first movie memory involves being terrified of the liquid metal guy. I was five (and before you start jumping on my parents, they didn’t know I’d snuck into the room). The T-1000 had that unnerving tone of voice and that downright almost violating glare and I had nightmares that it was going to kill me instead of John Connor. At the same time, though, I was intrigued by the fact that something I knew wasn’t real was having a very real effect on me. (To this day Terminator skeletons still make me uncomfortable.) It was my experience with the T-1000 in Terminator 2 that got me interested in entertainment and made me a Robert Patrick fan.

In the intervening two decades, I’ve seen just about everything Robert has done, and I do mean everything. Ask my friends about how I made them go see Spy Kids with me just because he had a bit part in it. There’s an honestly subpar direct-to-video flick called Perfect Assassins that’s a guilty pleasure of mine as it co-stars Robert and my high school crush Andrew McCarthy. And although I can’t watch it without laughing at his hair, I do own a copy of Double Dragon.

The truth is, while the projects he’s in haven’t always been keepers, his performances are. No matter if it’s villain or hero, comedy or drama, every role he plays still registers somehow. I know that when I see his name in the credits, I can expect at least something that I’m going to remember, even if it’s screaming at my TV because I rented Mexico City only to see him get killed off in less than five minutes.

You’re probably wondering why I went for the picture from The X-Files at the top of this article instead of something more recent, and that’s because I love Special Agent John Doggett most of all. It was Robert’s casting that got me to watch X-Files in the first place, and so I’m a bit biased, but Doggett was the FBI agent I wanted on my side. I loved that he was tough but not cold, strong but also equally vulnerable, and even occasionally witty. I had as much of a crush on that man as you can have on a fictional character. Beyond that, though, I enjoyed watching Robert get to play that role over a prolonged period of time, seeing how the character grew and changed, and all the things I got to learn about Doggett along the way.

I was ready to let The X-Files go after the train wreck that was most of Season 9, but even so, it broke my heart to leave that character behind when the show was cancelled in 2002. I still think about Doggett today, pretending that he’s still with the FBI and continuing to do all sorts of heroic things. I also think it’s pretty cool that the man who played my favorite science-fiction villain is the same one who played my favorite science-fiction hero.

In more recent history, Robert played Colonel Tom Ryan on the CBS military drama The Unit, and I loved what he did there even as sometimes I loathed his character. Now he’s teamed up with Unit creator Shawn Ryan on ABC’s Last Resort, and I’m just glad that I get to see him on my TV again — this time with Andre Braugher, who is also an incredible actor. Every time those two are in a scene together I get chills; that’s just too much awesome for one show.

But beyond all that the Robert Patrick that I’ll remember most fondly is the man himself. Two decades after that moment in my family’s living room, I met him when he was moderating a talk with Hal Holbrook last year. I nervously wandered over, thanked him for all the fond memories, and snapped a picture with him. That was all I’d ever hoped for. To my surprise, when the talk was over, Robert approached me and my friend, shook our hands and thanked us for coming. He told us that he was just going over toward the bar if we wanted to join him. “Did Robert Patrick just invite us to hang out with him?” I asked my friend in disbelief.

And that was how I spent the next hour – just me, Robert Patrick, and three of my friends, standing at the bar, talking about everything from The X-Files to that time he was on Hell’s Kitchen. I was honored that he was so generous with his time and that he cared so much about what we had to say. I’ve gotten a few compliments in my day, but Robert Patrick telling me he liked me is always going to rank near the top of the list. It was honestly one of the best nights of my life. Even as the five-year-old in me still worried, just a bit, that he might kill me.

There’s so much that I have to thank him for, whether it’s getting me interested in movies, or the performances that I’ve enjoyed literally as far back as I can remember, or the fact that he made a childhood dream come true and then some. Even after almost a thousand words, I don’t know how to sum up how great Robert Patrick is, so I’ll just say this: Happy birthday, Robert. I hope that your special day is as awesome as you are.

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