Don’t drink and drive. Do not operate heavy machinery after taking this medication. We hear these cautions left and right. Don’t show up to work stoned, or get hammered at lunch; not necessarily things anyone tells you, but rules to live by nonetheless. So, with millions of TV subscribers and moviegoers viewing at home, and glitterati of the industry watching live, what else is there for nominees and presenters to do? Apparently, eat little and drink heavily.
Ah, the magic of the Golden Globes. I was all set for the falls and the embarrassing missteps, the verbal gaffes and the tirades. This piece was to be a review of the shocking. Instead, we had a lot of yawns.
And so, without further ado, I present you with my own awards from a night short on fun (what choice but to make my own?)
- Girl scout award for preparedness: Kate Winslet, who after five Golden Globe losses and five Oscar losses had an acceptance speech ready to go. Twice!
- Biggest missed opportunity for a comeback line award: Sting, who after being forced to tell a clueless red carpet interviewer that he was “just here as a presenter” should have continued, ‘and you’re not a famous person, but you play one on TV.’
- Best Joey Tribbiani moment award: Zac Efron, who, knowing he’ll never win an award of his own, behaffin’ Gabriel Byrne’s best actor.
- Most in need of a roadmap to the stage award: Anna Paquin. We know you were sitting far away, but you can see the stage, right?
- Best joke of the night award: Ricky Gervais, to Kate Winslet: “I told you … do a Holocaust movie and the awards come … Problem with those films is there’s no gag reel.”
- Worst impersonation of real people award: The Jonas Brothers, who have got to be someone’s idea of a joke. Seriously.
- Award for the Globe winner who’ll be looking for work in the morning: Andrew Stanton, for forgetting to thank a fellow named Jobs.
- Least concerned that, no matter what he does, he’ll still be asked to present next year award: Johnny Depp. I am in awe of you, and you’re the finest actor of your generation. But you were born in Kentucky, and are a semi-normal person. Why so different?
- Drunkest of the night award: Drew Barrymore. Apparently, “Good Evening” is a great opening joke. Who knew?
- Coolest voice award: Tom Brokaw. That’s all.
- Worst impersonation of a comedic genius award: Seth Rogen. I guess without Judd Apatow or Evan Goldberg writing, Rogen just doesn’t have it. Honestly, I was surprised.
- Most method-actor-who-lost award: David Duchovny. He was so committed to his role on Californication that he lived it. What happened HFPA?
- Fuzzy end of the lollipop recipient: Recount. Not that it was amazing, but HBO’s a lock in the category. And in any other year, Recount would have swept. Instead we got John Adams. I swear, I think the cameraman was lying on his side during filming. Though maybe the point was authenticity. Was America slanted in 1776?
And, good or bad, the Globes did provide some highs and lows:
- Worst repercussion of the terrible SNL election episodes: 30 Rock as best comedy, Tina Fey as best actress in a comedy. I enjoy both, but next year, vote for the best comedy and best actress, not the one who made the biggest splash.
- Best outcome of the terrible SNL election episodes: Tracy Morgan as awards spokesperson for 30 Rock. My wife asked if he was drunk or if that was just him. Any guesses?
- Best presenter pairing: Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman. Was something wrong with him, or was he playing a part?
- Craziest twist of the evening: Colin Farrell as best actor. His natural Irish brogue is awesome, and I’ve enjoyed some of his movies, but the guy from Phone Booth? What?
- Worst excuse for a comedian: Sacha Baron Cohen.
- Best reprieve 20 minutes before the end of the evening: Rainn Wilson.
- Best hint of Globes past: Mickey Rourke. Okay, so he’s clean now?
- Biggest sign that the Globes have yet to fully return from 2008’s catastrophe: The show only went three minutes over.
The 2009 Golden Globes were clearly not the Hollywood Foreign Press Association’s best, but it sure beat the 2008 iteration. Then again, so does a monkey with a dandelion. Fingers crossed for the Oscars!
Photo Credit: NBC
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Clacked by Aryeh S.
on Jan 12, 2009 @ 09:00 EST5EDT
I don’t get half of your references and the other half I do get I absolutely disagree on. Too bad you have to have watched the (as you yourself said) not entertaining show to understand your insider-jokes.
And you are wrong about 30 Rock. SNL was a means to an end for 30 Rock and you should know that since they also won best actor, actress and show at the Emmy awards 2008, which was before all the main brewhaha of the elections.
*POST AUTHOR*
Yes, the 2008 Emmy wins for 30 Rock were prior to the elections. As I said, I enjoy both the show and Tina Fey, but going up against the seasons Californication, Entourage, The Office and Weeds were nominated for on this awards show, 30 Rock was at best fourth. Ditto Tina Fey against Christina Applegate, America Ferrera, Debra Messing and Mary-Louise Parker. Okay, maybe she was 3rd in her category.
You’ll note that I did not include Alec Baldwin’s win as a repercussion. While I think Steve Carell, Kevin Connolly and David Duchovny all had topnotch years (I’ve never seen Monk so I couldn’t comment on Tony Shalhoub), I recognize that Baldwin turned in another award-winning year.
I’m not wrong about 30 Rock, you just disagree. Okay. I think this year’s win was on the back of Tina Fey as Sarah Palin on SNL. Anyone else have any thoughts on that?
You reduced her win to her SNL performances. That is just wrong. You could say that this award here is a sham anyways for the Hollywood foreign press mainly works as lift boys and barmaids (or something like that, take any joke Craig Ferguson made about the Golden Globes and the HFP) but saying that they won because of SNL and Tina Fey and that she simply won because of SNL – sorry. I don’t only disagree, I gave reasons, and in fact the people handing out the Emmys agree with me, so a) I am not alone and b) listing all the other nominated actors/shows isn’t really an argument since I can hand that right back to you with “That’s your opinion”.
I simply criticized you for saying that SNL and the election coverage was the reason and honestly you don’t have any foundation for that, because the awards are given out for a whole year of programming and with that you have to factor in the rather long (compared to other shows) part of the last season of 30 Rock as well as the fact that both Entourage and Californication simply were able to wrap their whole season up before the awards, which should leave you with a much more satisfied feeling for those two shows compared to what you have gotten from 30 Rock in the first third of the current season.
On top of that I don’t think that The Office, Entourage and Californication were significantly better than 30 Rock and when you are the main contender you have to be clearly better than the challengers and you simply can’t tell me that what Entourage and Californication did this season were anywhere near of what they did in previous seasons. For me, the last seasons were worse than the previous ones (on 30 Rock as well at the moment because the after-sweeps episodes felt sub-par, not enough Kenneth, but the Season isn’t over yet).
You might be right, we have different tastes, but I really start to hate people who say 30 Rock is only winning because of SNL. That just sucks and diminishes what Fey does both as an actress and as a writer. It might get annoying right now but you have to draw the line somewhere and I did here. 30 Rock has had stellar seasons in the past, non rewarded. They simply get what they deserve now.
Ah damn it switch challengers and contender. The challengers have to be clearly better. Damn it.
Again, I say: I love Tina Fey (I mean, I’m the guy that dragged all my friends to Mean Girls because of her writing credit, and never lived it down), but 30 Rock has never done it for me.
I’m a fan of 30 Rock, (and LOVE Alec Baldwin on it, reminds me of the good times in Massapequa) and I think Tina Fey is very talented, but I don’t feel that she deserves to win awards in the “best Actress” category, whether pre-Palin at the Emmys or post-Palin at the GGs. I just don’t see her acting skills as standout. (Though I guess I should be careful– don’t want to risk a shoutout in her next accaptance speech :) )
*POST AUTHOR*
Yeah, her response to her online crtics was pretty funny ;-)
Jokes about a show? And I have to had watched it to understand? A conspiracy! I won’t come to this site anymore!
(I jest)
I’m a huge Tina Fey fan, but I never got into 30 Rock either. Just don’t think its that funny. I’m not saying its a bad show, just that its not for me.
Apparently Tracey Morgan did the awards acceptance in character.
The only thing that you said that I really disagree with was your Colin Farrell knock. He’s done some really good work, and while I haven’t seen In Bruges (yet), but you could have easily said “Seriously, the guy from Tigerland.” Seriously, watch a couple more of his movies. Phone Booth wasn’t that bad, either.
*POST AUTHOR*
30 Rock/Tina Fey I expected. But a Colin Farrell defender? I would have lost that bet.
Let’s see; I’ve sat through Minority Report, Phone Booth, The Recruit, Daredevil, SWAT, Alexander and Miami Vice. Like I said, I enjoy his movies (sometimes). But unless he’s made great strides, best actor’s a stretch for me. Did people think he was truly better than Javier Bardem, James Franco, Brendan Gleeson and Dustin Hoffman?
I would normally complain that you’re coming to me with James Franco, but I’ve yet to see Milk, and I’ve heard he’s just great. He was my least favorite part about Freaks and Geeks, and he’s not really impressed me in anything else he’s done.
I liked the Recruit. I liked SWAT (in its popcorn way). He was great in Daredevil (because he was supposed to be over the top). I don’t remember enough of his role in Minority Report. He was outstanding in Tigerland. He was (apparently) damn good in In Bruges. I enjoyed him in Hart’s War.
I’m not saying he’s Laurence Olivier or anything, but I’m saying he’s not Ashton Kutcher. Or Seth Rogan. Or James Franco ;)
Dude, have ya seen In Bruges? It’s probably the best movie Colin Farrell has ever done. I’ve hated just about every other movie he was in, but for this one, he definitely earned that award. Being sober helped, I’m sure!
*POST AUTHOR*
Okay, I haven’t seen In Bruges, but I also didn’t say that Farrell didn’t deserve best actor. I awarded him “Craziest twist of the evening”…while I definitely wasn’t paying him a complement, I think I left myself just enough wiggle room to say that I was shocked, not disgusted ;)
*pokes Dorv*
Visit Ken Levine’s page and look up his reviews of the Oscars and other award shows to find out what kind of award-show review I like and why I think this one was too heavy on the “you have to have seen the show to understand what I mean” side.
Levine manages to mention what happened as well as what he thinks about it and usually that’s also what episode reviews look like here.
Hey I won’t act as if I was neutered just because I was allowed to comment above the comments here. By the way thanks for your comment under my FNL post ;-)
Well yeah, but don’t knock this post just because you like a different style :)
Serious about FNL. You nailed just about everything that is
greatperfect about that show.Ok ok mea culpa :-)
Sorry Aryeh, I guess to me 30 Rock is like a child needing protection :-)