Diary of a Weeds Virgin – When I finish season 5, I’ll no longer be a virgin!

(Season 5, Episodes 1-3)

(Season 5, Episode 1 “Wonderful Wonderful”)

The only thing I found surprising about this episode was that it’s taken her family this long to abandon Nancy. I would have assumed they would have just cut their losses a while ago. Even Shane, whose voice is just now changing, would probably be healthier, happier, and safer taking care of himself instead of being under Nancy’s “supervision.” Wait, I’m sorry. There was one other thing that surprised me: the fact that Nancy actually seems to own a pair of pants.

Nancy’s life is like the world’s worst Choose Your Own Adventure book, where every time she has a choice, she chooses the one you know is going to get you eaten by a giant squid or whatever. Yes, showing her Mexican Gangster boyfriend the ultrasound image of his baby was probably a good way to avoid getting killed that night, but come on. Like Andy said, she’s really just delaying the inevitable. Especially because she won’t listen to reason. Denmark is supposed to be lovely. Oprah said so. The Mexican mob isn’t going to follow her there, because ultimately, it’s just not that important. Instead, she just goes to the mall.

It was kind of fun watching Celia’s kidnappers calling everyone she knows trying to get a ransom for her, and constantly being laughed at and hung up on. It was a nice diversion from Nancy’s storyline, but ultimately, what was the point? Other than showing that Celia’s daughter has a good reason for not being on the show — besides being sent to “boarding school” after the pilot, that is.

(Season 5, Episode 2 “Machetes Up Top”)

It looks like Celia is staying in Mexico with her daughter’s boyfriend because everyone in California hates her. This doesn’t seem like something that will end well, but on the other hand, the further away from Nancy she is, the better off she’ll be at this point.

Speaking of Nancy, let’s talk about Oprah some more. You know how Oprah talks about “A-ha moments?” Now, granted, I doubt any of us have been in Nancy’s, uh, position, but don’t you think that if you found yourself pregnant, bent over a table, and naked from the waist down after just being violated, and your Mexican Gangster boyfriend’s hired goon came in and told you it’s time to go, don’t you think that would be an “A-ha moment?” “Why, yes. Perhaps it is time for me to go. To DENMARK.”

In lighter news, Jennifer Jason Leigh is guest-starring as Nancy’s sister, and she and Andy immediately sleep with each other. It’s really funny how they work out all of their anger toward Nancy with each other. Right now, this is the only bright spot in a show that is looking increasingly bleak.

(Season 5, Episode 3 “Su-Su-Sucio”)

It looks as though there may be a bright spot in all of the unrelenting bleakness that has been making up this show lately. Andy and Silas are going to open a medical marijuana store. If this works out, it could get Weeds back to where it was in the first few seasons, you know, before all of the raping and murdering. I miss that show; the one about the suburban family just trying to get by, and all of their hilariously damaged friends.

Now it’s all blood and running, and the constant threat of death. My only hope is that Nancy can, in fact, find some way out of her situation so that we see more of characters like her sister, and fewer characters like Sucio and Esteban. When it comes to watching a show that is just bad news, death, and drugs, I’m really kind of set with Breaking Bad. I don’t need another series in that category.

Nancy’s sister could also help move the series back in its original direction, as could Celia’s return. The benefit of having Nancy’s sister around, other than providing a romantic interest for Andy, is that she acts as proof that Nancy has always been this awful.

Clacked by Kona Gallagher
on Nov 11, 2009 @ 11:00 EST5EDT