Hell’s Kitchen – Please don’t blindfold me and tell me that it’s eggplant

First of all, I have to tell you. I have 15 mosquito bites from the Fourth of July celebrations, and I’m a bit cranky. So far I’ve tried rubbing alcohol, Calamine lotion, ice packs, heat compresses, spray stuff, and even my own spit. (Yes, that is how itchy I am.) But! I have found white vinegar, mixed with a bit of salt is helping me not completely lose my mind. And, if my Gordon were answering my repeated texts, possibly this home remedy would have come to me sooner.

That being said, while I am still coherent despite the insect poison running through my body, let’s jaw about Hell’s Kitchen!

The challenge this week was one we’ve seen before, the Blind Taste Test. I have to confess, that I would never want to be blindfolded, and have random food placed in my mouth. This is mostly due to my aversion to dead animals, and not because I didn’t enjoy that scene in 9 1/2 Weeks. That was way sexy, as all of us “older” people know. That was before Mickey Rourke’s face fell into the Grand Canyon. Sigh.

Anyhow, most of the contestants can’t tell cashews from turkey. Jay, from the Blue team is finally able to identify eggplant, and pull out the win. They win a trip to Sea World, and get to swim with dolphins. I was able to do that once, in Mexico, and it was one of the smelliest experiences ever. But on my top five list of lovely memories. I laughed so hard, I almost choked. But in a good way. I highly recommend it, if you have the means, Ferris.

The teams must now create a menu for tonight’s dinner service. Gordon judges the Red’s as bland and boring. The Blues took the easy way out with very simple dishes. Do they think Gordon was born yesterday?  To quote my Gordon, “I’m disgusted with that guys. Too easy! Don’t f@#king insult me!” Um … oops.

Amazingly, the Red Team doesn’t take Gordon’s advice and doesn’t change their menu at all. Huh? I have “huh” moments quite often during this show. Consequently, most diners chose the pumped up Blue menu.

Oh Fran. Fran, Fran, Fran. She’s very lucky to have survived this long, the poor clueless thing. Again, she gets the brunt of it in dinner service. No big surprise for us right? Benjamin has honed in on Fran, after getting Siobhan kicked. He’s playing the game smartly, by systematically picking off weaker teammates, and drawing attention to them. It works, too.

Although everyone screwed up this service at some point, (Autumn, Nilka, even Jay) Fran is just freaking out as usual. I would be remiss in not pointing out here, that nothing pisses off Gordon more than undercooked meat. And it’s so easy to tell, in my book. I mean, it’s um … pink! And it can kill people. But Fran has made this mistake so many times, it’s just not even funny anymore.

It’s no surprise when Fran gets voted down on the carpet again. Yeeesh. See ya. Gordon’s given her a lot of chances, and if Autumn doesn’t watch out, she’ll get the cleaver next time.

Bye Fran. And one final thought? Watch Holli … she’s sneaking up outta nowhere. Don’t miss part two!

Clacked by Tara Shrodes
on Jul 07, 2010 @ 10:00 EST5EDT