Hell’s Kitchen – It’s now or never!

First of all, let me just tell you I’m moving the day after tomorrow. Yep. Back to the east side of Detroit. You know, the place most people are flocking out of? Yep. That’s the one. The husband’s job takes us back to where we once were. Hmm. Life is so cyclical. And I’d love to talk about that profundity more, but I still have eleventy hundred boxes to pack. Long story longer, this means you won’t get your customary double review of my Gordon Ramsay’s Hell’s Kitchen, but a single dip this time. It’s okay. Double dip reviews contain high calories anyway.

I love the challenges that Gordon thinks up for the first part of the show, way more than the chaos and screaming meemeeness of dinner service. Challenges to me really separate the talents of these would-be chefs, and they let me in on who to watch for as an up and comer. Or, who is really losing it after a promising start.

In hour number one, the theme is “presentation.” We all know that fancy schmantzy chefs always make dishes that taste great. But! As Gordon points out, they must look fantastic and appealing as well. So each contestant is asked to create a beautiful dish to be first photographed. Then judged, and then tasted. To my chagrin, Benjamin wins. Rassin’ Frassin Benjamin. He burns my bacon, as you know.

He’s arrogant, spiteful, mean and geeky. Ben’s reward was a makeover to feature him on epicurious.com. All I shall say is, they did what they could. But you can’t change an asshat. Here’s a couple Ben quotes:

“Everything I did on that plate was pretty damn close to perfect.”
“Everybody would die to be here. Maybe they should learn to cook better.”
“I’m not arrogant or cocky.” Ugh.

This guy knows how to talk, but he can’t follow it up. Yes, he won the challenge. But he’s lost more than he’s won. His strategy is to home in on someone and make them crazy until they freak out and get booted. And he continually tells us how great he is, and then we see what happens when he’s under pressure.

Which is basically get flustered, clam up and turn circles. Oh and drop chickens and wipe out. Gordon is now getting wise to Ben’s shenanigans, and keeps pointing out what a horrible leader and communicator he is. My favorite Gordonism being “They cut your f’ing hair off and took out your brain!” Heh.

Even Ben admits he gets flustered if it gets busy, feels like barfing when Gordon yells at him, and can’t speak. Yeah. There’s our winner right? Methinks it’s time to shut up about how “great” you are now, Ben.

Meanwhile, during both of these episodes, we see that Holli and Jay are getting a bit “bomb chicka wow wow.” Holli wins challenge number two, and can take a teammate with her for her reward. So she picks Jay. And they spend the day flirting and flirting. Ah, to be 25 again, and have the every word be an innuendo! Remember when the simple act of polishing wood or buying breadboards that look like paddles could be sexual? Ah youth! I hope the fact that they are ultimately competing with each other doesn’t come back and bite them in the ass. But it probably will.

Autumn continues to fly under the radar. She and Ed were again called on the carpet in the first episode, and she skated by again. My Gordon has given her more chances to redeem herself than any nun gave me in grade school! Gordon says she keeps improving. I don’t really see that. I think she just knows how to get out of the way.

So farewell Ed. Who can blame Gordon after seeing you mess up fish five times? Plus all of his previous non-performances. This was a no-brainer for me.

Which pretty much leaves us with Jason. And he finally got the tongs in the second part of the show. I think Jason was very lucky to last this long. He wouldn’t have, if there weren’t so many abysmal people to go before him. Jason was slow on the uptake. He rarely cooked anything right and had a horrible temper. I know what you’re thinking. So does Gordon Ramsay. But there’s a big difference here. Gordon explodes when people are not doing their jobs properly, making his reputation look bad, and his customers suffer. Jason was defensive, irritable and rather dim.

Case in point? For the final challenge last night, the contestants could spend ten bucks on groceries to make an exceptional entree. Jason bought store made ravioli. Frozen ravioli! Hello? Have you met Gordon Ramsay? He deee-spises any food that’s not fresh! Lawd.

And then there was four. See you next week, from (gulp) Detroit way!

One last thing. And this is for my Gordon’s information only. Hey baby. My new number is (313) 929 . . .

Clacked by Tara Shrodes
on Jul 21, 2010 @ 10:00 EST5EDT