Quotation Marks – Archer, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Doctor Who

… wait … wait … wait …

Archer? Archer? Featured in Quotation Marks?

Why certainly! You needn’t have a fear. But! A word of caution: I wouldn’t be drinking anything as you read some of its season premiere quotes, if you know where I’m comin’ from. Spewage could occur … coffee or Coca Cola could contaminated your computer screen and/or keyboard. Messy.

(Special Added Quotation Marks Bonus! (and handy, dandy instructions)

You’ll need to read this entire post, laugh where appropriate and get to the end where satisfaction awaits. But … Warning! Fail to complete this exercise properly will render the bonus invisible! You will not be able to peruse it and it’s wonderfulness. Now … onward!

Archer (review)

“You’re so hot for him, I could reheat this chili in your chooch. So how about it? Chooch chili?” — Pam

“So excuse me for needing some time to grieve.” — Archer
“By tending bar and banging newly weds?” — Rip
“Apparently that’s my grieving process.” — Archer

“You just killed like ten pirates.” — Rip
“Wow, if the five year old me knew that, he’d get a huge boner.” — Sterling

“What a hunk.” — Pam
“Total sploosh.” — Cheryl
“Yeah, gotta give him a sploosh.” — Lana
“And whatever my equivalent of sploosh. Which I guess is just sploosh. Only with semen.” — Gillette

Free Agents

“Ever since Pete, I don’t know what’s right to say, ‘stop living’? Still when I ask you to go clubbing you’re always like, ‘maybe later’.” — Emma
“Clubs are just warehouses where they keep the asshats at night.” — Helen
“Well, yeah, but where else are you gonna meet guys? Your vagina didn’t die of a heart condition too, did it?” — Emma

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (review)

 “We’re going to rehabilitate the dog, OK? We don’t want it to attack other dogs. Now we would like for it to attack other people!” — Dee about getting a guard dog

“Charlie, stop wearing clothes you find washing up under bridges!” — Dee

“Mac, you look bad.” — Dee
“Really, really bad.” — Charlie

“Mac, you have gained … I mean, 50 lbs. of fat.” — Dennis
“Mass.” — Mac
“Fat.” — Dennis
“Muscles.” — Mac
“Let’s be clear, FAT.” — Dennis

“But I’m healthy besides the diabetes?” — Mac

Up All Night

“Stop saying ‘baby in there’ like there’s a baby hiding in a closet with a knife or something.” — Reagan, to Chris, while looking at their home pregnancy test

“At least you don’t have to work.” — a bleary-eyed Reagan to Chris, responding to Amy’s cries
“Yeah. ‘Cause raising a human’s no work at all.” — Chris

“You know the old Italian man who hems my slacks has a saying … at a certain age a woman has to choose between her ass and her face. You can have a good face and a fat ass, or you can have a tight ass and the face of Skeletor. You can’t have everything.” – Ava

Doctor Who (review)

“Oh, you’re good. Oh, she’s good. Amy, with regret, you’re fired.” — the Doctor
“What?” — Amy
“I’m kidding. [whispering] We’ll talk.”  — the Doctor

“There not doors, they’re walls. Walls that look like doors. Door walls, if you like. Or dwalls. Waars, even, though you probably got it when you said they’re not doors. I mean, the windows are … right, big day for fans of walls.”  — the Doctor

“You are a medical doctor, aren’t you? You haven’t just got a degree in cheese making or something?” — Rita
“No! Well, yes, both actually.”  — the Doctor

“I’m not a hero. I really am just a mad man in a box. And it’s time we saw each other as we really are. Amy Williams, it’s time to stop waiting.” — the Doctor

“We’re going to die here.” — Joe
“Well, they certainly didn’t mention that in the brochure.” — the Doctor

The Vampire Diaries (review)

“I am every parent’s worst nightmare. I am the chaperone teacher from Hell.” – Alaric at Elena’s party, full of teenaged drinking and drugs

Special 63rd Annual Emmy Award Bonus!*

The best quote of all — while not off the boob tube — came about from some “collector of trademarks” to his crack-shot team this week … and I believe it deserves special mention:

“Bob (Degon) pointed this out … that the ‘Archer’ font is the same one I used for the CliqueClack logo!” – Keith McDuffee, CliqueClack Big Wheel & Action Man

* (What? Whaddaya mean I can’t have a Special 63rd Annual Emmy Award Bonus? Why not?)